Sometimes it takes me a bit to see things even when they are so obvious right before my eyes.
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.
October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
There is great significance to me in October sharing these two causes.
How did I never see that before?
Adopting Jonah was a spiritual high for me. I experienced the Lord working and moving in incredible ways in our lives, in Jonah's birth family's lives, and many other people lives who played critical roles in Jonah's adoption story. It truly felt like we were part of a miracle when Jonah was placed in my arms at 3 weeks old in October 2010.
That spiritual high happiness as well as joy of adding a baby to our family continued for the next three months, into January 2011.
But then something that felt very sinister and threatening entered my life: breast cancer.
I didn't see it coming- I went in for my 40 year old 1st screening mammo. I had no symptoms or suspicions. Just trying to be a good person and do my suggested health screening.
I lost my footing as a mom as a result of that diagnosis. I felt overwhelmed to be a parent to 4 children and with one of them having special needs. I felt like I had misrepresented how qualified I was to be Jonah's mom because now I seemed very unhealthy.
As much as I loved the new baby in our family, emotionally I wanted to pull away from Jonah. I felt like instead of me, he could have had a better mother, a better family, a better future.
It took a lot of prayer and mental gymnastics to get my foundation back.
Oddly enough, the Lord chose the summer of 2011 (right after I finished my chemo) to have Jonah go on a sleep strike. He stopped taking naps and chose to start his day at 4 am. Jonah and I were forced to spend many hours together. Actually: me, Jonah, and my anxiety.
It was quite a way the Lord taught me to trust Him and not doctors, or experts, or even anxiety meds.
My entire family helped me get through my cancer experience. Even that little 4 month old baby who had no idea what was happening in the world around him. I fought hard to get through the breast cancer journey for my family, and especially for this little baby who had Down syndrome.
So how fitting that October combines on of my highest experiences with one of my lowest experiences.
Very significant and I can't believe I never saw that connection before.
Am I thankful for the breast cancer? Oddly enough, in some ways yes.
It was caught early which helped my prognosis. It grew me spiritually in BIG ways. It made me realize how loved and supported I am by my Lord, my friends and family.
Am I thankful for my now 2 boys with Down syndrome? Of course, YES!
It is so amazing to watch them grow and learn. They are so fun to watch how they do life. Being around them makes me appreciate what's most important in life. They live authentically. They don't play mind games with you and say one thing but mean the other. They don't act nice to your face but then say means things about you behind your back. If they are upset with me, they just say it right to my face. That's refreshing! But they also generously give hugs and say "I love you" at the most random and unexpected times. Little things make them happy.
Parenting them is a big responsibility. I worry about the "what ifs" of their future if I'm not there for them some day. The Lord is constantly reminding me to trust in Him and to take one day at a time. Because of the boys, I'm being taught some very important spiritual lessons everyday.
I am so grateful the Lord allowed me to go on this journey with them.
So in the end, I'm realizing October has much to celebrate for me!
