SHOUT OUT TO SPECIAL NEEDS SIBLINGS!

We probably don't say it often enough, 

but we are so proud of our 3 older children! 

 Their lives changed completely and permanently in 2010 when we decided to adopt Jonah, and later in 2016 when we adopted Ben.  

The impact of that decision on the three of you is something we never took lightly and constantly think about even today as you three 

edge closer to total independence.  

We are so thankful for the way you opened up your hearts totally and completely to your little brothers.  We are impressed how you stand up for them and protect them.  

We could not have taken this adventure without you.  Thank you. 

Very beautiful article:

Dear Typically Developing Children of Mine,

I’m not sorry your brother has special needs.

When I first received your brother’s Down syndrome diagnosis, the first coherent thought I had was, “Poor him”, which quickly turned to “poor you.” I exited the present and started living in your futures.  What if someone made fun of you for having a brother who was different? What if I got too overwhelmed with his special needs and forgot about your needs? All I could think about was how this wasn’t fair to you. What I failed to think about in those first few weeks was how wonderful his diagnosis could be for you.  I didn’t understand the complex world of disability then, I’m still working to understand its many nuances, but one thing I am sure about is this: I’m not sorry your brother has Down syndrome.

When you see your brother working hard to accomplish something that comes so naturally to you, I pray you learn humility. When you are tempted to judge someone based on his or her appearance, I pray you think of your brother and how he will be judged. I know you may grow up sooner than your peers, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Because of your brother, I hope you can by-pass some of the shallowness that comes with youth.

Things won’t always be fair. I will try my best to settle the score, but your brother’s extra needs will at times take more of my time. My loves, life isn’t fair, but know my love for you burns just the same.

You have the secret to life right in front of you: Life isn’t all about you and when you make your life about others, you get so much more in return. I hope you teach each other to love, to love all people, and to love them well.

Love,

Mom

This microblog originally appeared on Jillian Benfield's Facebook Page. You can read the full article on her website, www.JillianBenfield.com

We do believe loving your brothers has made you better people.  We also believe your brothers will be an excellent filter for who you let in your lives to love and trust.  If someone doesn't accept your brothers, we think that probably will be a red flag for you...

VERY SPECIAL SILVA DAY

Once upon a time, there was a very special woman who began visiting a little boy she called "Kostie" in an orphanage in Vilnius.  

This little boy never had anyone visit him so it was very special for him to have this special attention.  The woman loved this little boy and advocated and prayed that he would have forever family.  

When this woman found out about us becoming the family for Kostas, she began to tell him that his mama and dada were going to come soon.  She lovingly kept watch him over for him and gave us updates for the 18 months it took for our adoption process.  She fought the red tape battle over me having breast cancer back in 2011 that almost made us not eligible to be the family for Kostas.  

She was a guardian angel to our little "Kostie", and we owe her so much gratitude and love for how she fought for this little boy to have a family.  

The most wonderful thing is this amazing woman did this for many children in Lithuania besides our Benjamin Kostas.  And today some of those children with their new families got to reunite with this woman and have the most amazing celebration of  what love can do!  

Silva came to the US!  And what a reunion it was!  

Silva on one of her orphanage visits with our Ben (Kostas or "Kostie")

When we were in-country for the adoption, Silva brought her dog to town on our last night in Vilnius so Ben could meet the puppy.

Our last night in Vilnius.  The next morning we would fly home to the US.

Bittersweet goodbye: anxious and excited for our new life in the US as a family of 7, but sad to say good bye to our amazing Silva.  

Today at the reunion, Ben found his safe spot in Silva's arms.  He was so excited and happy to see her.  We spent the past few days preparing him for this visit.  We reminded him what a good friend Silva has been to us and how she helped him find his family.  But we kept reminding him that after seeing Silva today, he would come home with us because we are his forever family.  We didn't want him to worry that his time with us was over.  We never know how much of this process Ben understands at this point so we wanted to be very careful with Ben's emotions.

Silva was so happy to see her babies again.  I wish I could show you the group photo of all the children from the reunion.  It was very touching to see them all gathered around Silva.

I included this goofy photo of us because I thought it was pretty neat that while sitting by Silva, Ben reached for me and said "Mama".  Ben doesn't always show affection towards me, but today he acknowledged me as his mama to Silva.  What an affirmation!

The ride home- Ben partied hard today!

BEN'S BATMAN BIRTHDAY!

Ben had a great birthday.  He was so happy and sweet and just full of joy all day!  

Today he turned 9 years old.

Ben has celebrated 3 birthdays with us.  Each year, he chooses a Batman cake.  This boy loves Batman!

Birthday breakfast

Birthday Batman lunch 

(see the Caped Crusader on the screen)

Batman Birthday cake

Batman shirts as a gift

Our dynamic duo!  

Interestingly enough, Jonah rarely shows the emotion of jealousy.  However, this birthday for Ben was a bit hard for Jonah.  He wanted it to be his birthday so his behavior 

at times during the day was a bit undesirable :)  

Good thing he only has 3 months to 

wait before he turns 9 years old!

Stroll down memory lane:

2016: This is one of the last photos of Ben from the orphanage so probably close to June 2016, near his 6th birthday.  His last birthday as an orphan.  I think he looks a lot happier in the photos that follow!

2017: Ben's first birthday with us: he turns 7

2018: Ben's 8th birthday

THE DIFFICULT PART ABOUT TODAY

Today is Ben's 9th birthday. 

I carefully looked at his records again, as I have the past 3 years, to uncover any more details of his birth day that we don't know.  

There is no time of birth listed on the birth certificate, I don't have any labor and delivery notes to understand the hours before his birth, I don't have any notes on those immediate moments after the birth for what his parents' reactions were to his birth.  I don't know when it was first discovered that 1st day that Ben had Down syndrome.  I don't know when the decision was made that day by his parents that they would not keep him as their son.  I don't know if anyone celebrated his birth that day or if it was a very sad and solemn day because this little boy was not born in perfect health.  

What I do know is that my heart truly hurts for Ben's birth mother.  I think she was put in a very difficult situation that was heartbreaking and agonizing in ways we can't even imagine.  

I believe she loved that little baby in her womb for 9 months and was looking so forward to meeting him and spending the rest of her life with that precious life growing inside her.  But then, when it was determine he had Down syndrome, she faced the most gut-wrenching experience any mother could ever face.  

The world she lived in, in this Eastern European country, would not accept her son and would not support her if she accepted her son.  If she decided to parent Ben, she would face the loss of the family she already had, friends, and face her and her new son being ostracized from society.  The life she could offer little Ben looked bleak and hopeless.  

So she decided to let him go the orphanage in hopes that somehow, through a miracle, a family would take Ben and give him that life she felt incapable of offering to him.  She probably knew the chances were slim he would be adopted in-country.  She probably knew he most likely would go to a family in another country.  But even that wasn't very likely.  

Did she know what would happen if he wasn't adopted by 5 or 6 years old?  Did she know what life would be like in the orphanage?  I don't know how much information she had.  I do believe though with all my heart that she was faced with an extremely difficult situation and made the best choice she thought was available to her and her newborn son.  

I am saddened by this hurt and heartbreak and at the system that forced her to think of her son as not worthy and not worth having as her own child.

I pray that she has some comfort in her heart that Ben is with a family now.  I pray that her agony over giving him up can be lessened knowing he is loved and valued by us.  

If I could reach out to Ben's birth mom, I would like to give her a hug and tell her how thankful we are for the beautiful gift she gave our family.  I would like to share with her God's love for her and this precious little boy and tell her how God watched over him when she couldn't.  

This is a woman we will probably never meet, yet our lives are forever connected and intertwined.  

I hope and pray this woman can find some peace and comfort from our heavenly Father on what is probably a very difficult and heartbreaking day for her- the birthday of the son she was not able to keep.  

  

OUR VERSION OF “I CAN SHINE” BIKE CAMP

iCan Shine Bike Camps are an amazing program for kiddos with special needs.  

Approximately 80% of the people who participate in iCan Bike program learn to ride a conventional two-wheel bicycle independently (at least 75 feet with no assistance) by the end of our five-day program while attending for only 75 minutes each day! 

Unfortunately, the nearest iCan Bike program is 60 minutes away, and the cost for two little boys would be rather expensive.  Plus our boys might be a bit young yet for the program this summer.

That is why we are doing our own version of 

iCan Shine Bike program:

1.  Buy training wheels for Abigail/Lydia's little girl bike- not sure what happened to our boy bike.  Sorry, Ben and Jonah...this is what happens to tail enders!

2. Buy good bike helmets.

3. Put kid on bike.

4. Give him a push down the driveway and see what happens...just kidding.  We held on to bike and ran with him!

Jonah actually did pretty good.  Ben was too scared to do anything more than sit on the bike.  

Have I mentioned before that for all Ben's toughness, he is actually a huge chicken?  Most things Ben is too scared to try while Jonah is an absolute dare devil with no fear in him!  What a funny combo!

Anyway, it's our first try at learning the bike.  The boys are too big for the bike trailer, double stroller and tricycle so this is the next logical step for them.  

We'll see how it goes.

Link to iCan Shine Bike Program

DOUBLY BLESSED!

I am very blessed that a few weeks ago I could celebrate having the best mom in the world.  

And now this weekend, I get to celebrate having the best dad in the world.  

Also, I am doubly blessed because I can also say my own children can also celebrate they have 

the very best dad in Andrew.  

What a lot to celebrate and be thankful for!

I think this quote fits my father perfectly.  The way he has lived his life as a husband, father, grandfather, friend to many, hard worker, and valued member of church and community has taught me how to live my life in a way that brings glory and honor to the Lord.  

My father is a man of great integrity and much love.

I can best describe my childhood (besides being great fun!) as knowing that my dad was always there for my mom and us kids.  This is still true to this day even though we are all a lot older :)  

I am so thankful to my dad for all his love, work and service to my mom, his children, his country, 

and to his job.  

Thank you!  I love you Dad!

As I said earlier, I am blessed that Andrew models the same thing for our kids that 

my dad modeled for me.  

Thank you Andrew, and 

thank you Lord for that blessing!

The following excerpt is written by Rick Thomas.  

In the first part, he discusses the things our heavenly Father does for us, His children.  Then he says that our earthly fathers have the privilege of pointing their children to the Lord by how they hopefully love and care for their children in the same way.  

I thought this was a beautiful description of what God wants for fathers and their children.    

The Father Loves – The love of God is profound. It was His love that motivated Him to send His Son to death. Love is a prominent character trait of the Father. Is your child more aware of your displeasure with him or your affection for him?

The Father Pursues – God the Father is a relentless Redeemer. His Son went to death to bring you to life. He pursued you until salvation, and His care for you continues. Is your child more affected by the redemptive nature of your relationship or is he more affected by the lack of spirituality in your relationship?

The Father Gives – A key component of the gospel is the time, planning, and preparation the Father imposed on Himself to pull off our redemption. From Genesis 3:15 to Galatians 4:4 and beyond, you see the activity of God on your behalf. Does your child experience quantity and quality time with you, both of which have a redemptive effect?

The Father Corrects – God the Father brings you from death to life. Nothing is more transformative than this, but He does not stop at redemption. He continues to bring correction for your good and His glory. Is the correction you bring to your child redemptive–does it compel him to want God more?

The Father Cares – Even the Jews were amazed at the care of God (John 11:36). If the pagan world is aware of the care of God, shouldn’t your children be even more aware of your care for them? How does your child experience your practical and redemptive care on a daily and weekly basis?

The Father Leads – You understand the Father’s way of leading from a biblical perspective. Here are some clues to how the Lord leads: serving, last, least, death, and others. All of these characteristics were key components in the Savior’s leadership style. In what ways does your child experience your servant leadership and in what ways is it having a redemptive impact on his life?

Call to Action

Dear Dad, your impact on your child is generational. You have the privilege of giving your son or daughter one of the greatest gifts a dad could give: a beautiful picture of God the Father. Apply Paul’s advice: “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” – Philippians 4:9

Link to complete article by Rick Thomas

SUMMER CHECKLIST

 1.  School is done!  Abigail finished her 3rd year of college, Stephen his 1st yr of college, Lydia her sophomore year, and the boys finished 2nd grade.

2. Summer school starts.  The boys are taking music, art and basketball for summer school which is every morning, 6-10 thru 6-28.

3. Swimming lessons run from 6-17 thru 7-12.  

4. VBS is set for the last week of June.  The possible problem might be that the boys have summer school in the morning, swimming from 12-1, and then VBS in the afternoon.  That is too much in one day plus no time for lunch.  I think we will end up having the boys miss the beginning of VBS.

5. Miracle League Baseball on either Monday or Thursday nights.  The boys are on the Cardinals team.  We are seeing a big improvement in hitting from last year to this year.

6. Hot weather- NOT.  Today's high was 58....our pool isn't even up and running yet.  Because of the cooler temps, we aren't in a rush to get it ready.  

7. Lydia starts her summer job as a bank teller!  Very proud and excited for her.

8. Stephen working the grounds crew back at the golf course which means very early mornings for him.

9. Abigail isn't home this summer.  She is working an internship in the Twin Cities.  We miss her!

10. Vacations- the family vacation this summer is Andrew and the 3 older kids are going on a mission trip with our church to the Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona.  They will be doing a day of sightseeing at the Grand Canyon. 

First week of baseball in the books!

Lydia's first day of work at the bank in the books!

Stephen's stuff from college back in the house!

GOTTA CAPTURE THIS!

Ben’s speech is amazing!  He has come a long way this past year.

This video has me prompting him to say these words.  But he actually says these words and phrases on his own, all day long!

So proud of him!