I carefully looked at his records again, as I have the past 3 years, to uncover any more details of his birth day that we don't know.
There is no time of birth listed on the birth certificate, I don't have any labor and delivery notes to understand the hours before his birth, I don't have any notes on those immediate moments after the birth for what his parents' reactions were to his birth. I don't know when it was first discovered that 1st day that Ben had Down syndrome. I don't know when the decision was made that day by his parents that they would not keep him as their son. I don't know if anyone celebrated his birth that day or if it was a very sad and solemn day because this little boy was not born in perfect health.
What I do know is that my heart truly hurts for Ben's birth mother. I think she was put in a very difficult situation that was heartbreaking and agonizing in ways we can't even imagine.
I believe she loved that little baby in her womb for 9 months and was looking so forward to meeting him and spending the rest of her life with that precious life growing inside her. But then, when it was determine he had Down syndrome, she faced the most gut-wrenching experience any mother could ever face.
The world she lived in, in this Eastern European country, would not accept her son and would not support her if she accepted her son. If she decided to parent Ben, she would face the loss of the family she already had, friends, and face her and her new son being ostracized from society. The life she could offer little Ben looked bleak and hopeless.
So she decided to let him go the orphanage in hopes that somehow, through a miracle, a family would take Ben and give him that life she felt incapable of offering to him. She probably knew the chances were slim he would be adopted in-country. She probably knew he most likely would go to a family in another country. But even that wasn't very likely.
Did she know what would happen if he wasn't adopted by 5 or 6 years old? Did she know what life would be like in the orphanage? I don't know how much information she had. I do believe though with all my heart that she was faced with an extremely difficult situation and made the best choice she thought was available to her and her newborn son.
I am saddened by this hurt and heartbreak and at the system that forced her to think of her son as not worthy and not worth having as her own child.
I pray that she has some comfort in her heart that Ben is with a family now. I pray that her agony over giving him up can be lessened knowing he is loved and valued by us.
If I could reach out to Ben's birth mom, I would like to give her a hug and tell her how thankful we are for the beautiful gift she gave our family. I would like to share with her God's love for her and this precious little boy and tell her how God watched over him when she couldn't.
This is a woman we will probably never meet, yet our lives are forever connected and intertwined.
I hope and pray this woman can find some peace and comfort from our heavenly Father on what is probably a very difficult and heartbreaking day for her- the birthday of the son she was not able to keep.
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