in the blink of an eye,

you grew up

Dear Lydia,

I think for these past few weeks, I've been holding my emotions back and being in denial about what your graduation means to me.

But this morning, the floodgates opened.

Your graduation is much different even than Abigail's or Stephen's.  When each of them graduated, I had the reassurance that there were still more of you at home yet.  I wasn't done. 

I know I still will have the little boys at home (forever probably J), but in terms of our "first family", you graduating marks the end of that era.

You three older kids have been my life's work for the past 23 years.  And now you are the last of that group to move on to the next season of life where I no longer will be able to parent you up close and personal.  You will now have 2 places where you live, and your heart will start to belong to more than just this home.  You will have many more people influence your life than just Dad and I.  You will make big life decisions on your own.  We will always be here to guide and advise, but it will be up to you whether you ask for or accept our help.  

This morning, despite my tears, I was filled with such gratitude and thankfulness to the Lord that He allowed me to stay at home and care for all of you for all these years.  It has been such a privilege, joy, and incredible opportunity to watch over all your growing up moments.  I have just loved this season of life . 

I know that great and incredible experiences are ahead of me as I parent during this new season of life, but right now I am just a little sad because I have to say goodbye to one of the best times of my life- being a parent to you, Abigail, and Stephen as you went from newborns to high school graduates.  

Thank you for all the joy you have brought me over the years.  

You are amazing Lydia Grace!  We love you so much!  May you experience the blessings of God in your new adventures in life.

And now, two of my favorite photos of you and Dad and I.  

 

     

TIME TO THINK

 

THINKING ABOUT TIME TODAY...

Abigail's birthday today.  Lydia graduating high school next week.  Stephen taking the MCAT on Friday in preparation for his plans after college.  Jonah finishing up with his catheter of 9 months and hopefully staying healthy going forward.  Ben's 5 year anniversary of being in our family coming up this summer.

HOW FAST IT GOES...

As of today, I have been a stay at home mom for 23 years!  How can this be?  Did my investment of that time make a difference in my children's lives?  How many more years will I stay home with Ben and Jonah?  How long will they need me 24/7?  What is my role in my older kids' lives now as they make their own decisions and plans  

HOW MY SENSE OF TIMING IS SO VERY DIFFERENT FROM GOD'S...

What about my hopes and dreams for all five of our children?  

What are their own individual hopes and dreams?

SO VERY MUCH TO THINK ABOUT...

And now on a less serious note, 

here is one of my all-time favorite photos of our Abigail Joy.

Looks like she was busy thinking about things herself!

PREPARING FOR EASTER

 As we have in other years, we are preparing for Easter as a family by using the Resurrection Eggs.  

If you don't have these for your family, I highly recommend them!  They are a very good way for children to learn the story of Easter.  

Amazon link to Resurrection-Eggs

For me personally preparing for Easter, I'm not doing a specific Lenten devotion.  But I have had some devotions lately that have really focused on God's love and mercy being shown to us because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  

During Lent this year, I really want to focus on this amazing gift of love.  

I am a sinner SAVED BY GRACE, not by who I am or what I have done, but by WHO JESUS IS AND WHAT HE HAS DONE!

I thought this song really captured that thought:

YouTube link to "Yet Not I But Through Christ in Me"

LYRICS:

Yet Not I but Through Christ in Me

CityAlight

What gift of grace is Jesus my redeemer

There is no more for heaven now to give

He is my joy, my righteousness, and freedom

My steadfast love, my deep and boundless peace

To this I hold, my hope is only Jesus

For my life is wholly bound to His

Oh how strange and divine, I can sing: all is mine

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

The night is dark but I am not forsaken

For by my side, the Saviour He will stay

I labour on in weakness and rejoicing

For in my need, His power is displayed

To this I hold, my Shepherd will defend me

Through the deepest valley He will lead

Oh the night has been won, and I shall overcome

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

No fate I dread, I know I am forgiven

The future sure, the price it has been paid

For Jesus bled and suffered for my pardon

And He was raised to overthrow the grave

To this I hold, my sin has been defeated

Jesus now and ever is my plea

Oh the chains are released, I can sing: I am free

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

With every breath I long to follow Jesus

For He has said that He will bring me home

And day by day I know He will renew me

Until I stand with joy before the throne

To this I hold, my hope is only Jesus

All the glory evermore to Him

When the race is complete, still my lips shall repeat

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

To this I hold, my hope is only Jesus

All the glory evermore to Him

When the race is complete, still my lips shall repeat

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

When the race is complete, still my lips shall repeat

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

LEAVING THE NEST

 

In March 2020, as many families experienced, our 2 oldest kids ended up home from college because of the COVID-19 quarantine.  

This meant from March through June, we had all 5 of our kids under one roof.  

Just like old times.

I know that COVID-19 has caused serious harm and devastation to many, physically, emotionally, and financially.  I am not going to minimize that. 

However, one blessing of the quarantine for me as a mom, was knowing all our kids were safe at our home and just being able to enjoy our family like we use to be.

Then in June, our oldest left the "nest" to start her new grown up life up in the Twin Cities.  

Now this week, our 2nd oldest will be leaving the "nest" to start his junior year at college up near the Twin Cities.

I'm afraid my "mom" muscle has weakened over these past months.  I got use to having everyone around.  

When Abigail left in June, it felt just as hard as when she left for college as a freshman.  I am sure I will feel the same for Stephen as he heads out this week.  Like we are starting over getting use to having our older kids live lives off on their own.  

I am happy they are healthy and able to start finding their futures.  Of course, that is what I want for them.  

But it's also hard to get use to this new stage of our family life.  I felt like I was starting to hit my comfort zone before COVID-19, and now I think I am going to have to learn letting go all over again with our #1 and #2.

Then next fall, I will have to learn for the first time what it will be like to not have our 3rd child, Lydia live at home as she will go off to college in Fall 2021.

Maybe by the time the boys are old enough to have other living options, it wouldn't be as hard for me.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I think that's just part of being a mom.  The lesson of loving but letting go.

So next week, we will be back to a family of 5 in our house: Lydia as a senior in HS and the boys in 4th grade.  

I guess that still is a pretty full house...

DIFFICULT QUESTIONS

As a parent of two children with special needs, one of my biggest concerns is about their salvation.  

We talk and teach the boys about God's plan of salvation and what it means to accept Jesus as their Savior.  But with their cognitive delays, I wonder if they will ever totally understand these concepts.

I think any Christian parent struggles with worrying about where their child is at with their faith and hoping and praying they will come into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.  As parents, we want to know our child is assured of spending eternity in heaven someday.

The added layer with being a parent to a child with cognitive delays is not knowing if that child will ever be able to make that decision with full understanding.

In my quest for answers, I have come across these resources that really being peace to my mind and soul about this issue.

1. Pgs. 149-151 from The Heaven Answer Book by Billy Graham

"Does God allow people into Heaven who are mentally handicapped and don’t fully understand He loves them and accepts them just as they are? God has the pulse of eternal life in His hand, and He knows the limitations of each of us. None of us are saved because we understand everything there is to know about the heavenly Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Salvation comes based on confessing sin and receiving God’s gift of grace. Babies, young children, and the mentally handicapped cannot comprehend their limitations or the truths of God’s plan of salvation—but God, in His grace, receives each of them just as they are and changes their hearts. A tender passage in Scripture is when the little children gathered around Jesus. They didn’t have any profound understanding of who He was or why He came, yet He welcomed them and told His disciples, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14). God has much to teach us through infants and children with special needs. They are completely dependent on others; they must trust their caregivers for everything. There is a lesson for us when Jesus says that we must become as little children. He meant we must place our complete trust in Him, giving up our desires for His, and allow Him to direct our every step. Scripture sheds light on this difficult subject. Solomon says that a stillborn child is better off than one who disregards his own life (Ecclesiastes 6:3 nkjv), and Job cursed the day he was born and said, “Why did I not perish at birth? . . . For now I would be lying down in peace; I would be asleep and at rest” (Job 3:11, 13). If you have babies and handicapped children who have been taken from you by death, receive comfort in the sovereignty of the God of love. Commit to teaching others, who do have the capacity to understand the gospel, that God stands ready to cover our sin with His mercy and grace. Do not weep for those in His care, but for those who have not yet found that place of safety in the Savior’s comforting love."

Click HERE to view/purchase this book

2. "How Should Christian Parents Respond to Having a Child with Down Syndrome?

The whole article is very good, but here is one excerpt that was particularly interesting to me:

"If God has entrusted Christian parents with a child who has any kind of disability, those parents can be assured that God has a purpose for them to bring glory to Him by their loving response—and God will provide the grace necessary to provide the proper response."

3. "Where Do I Find the Age of Accountability in the Bible?

Again the entire article is worth reading, but I liked this particular excerpt:

"It is our position that God applies Christ’s payment for sin to babies and those who are mentally handicapped, since they are not mentally capable of understanding their sinful state and their need for the Savior, but again we cannot be dogmatic. Of this we are certain: God is loving, holy, merciful, just, and gracious. Whatever God does is always right and good, and He loves children even more than we do."

Great resources and some comforting thoughts for this mother's heart.

However the bottom line is two-fold:

1. I still am responsible to speak and teach God's truth to my boys and pray for whatever level of understanding is possible for them.

2. I need to entrust my boys and their hearts and souls to the Lord.  He has watched over them in the womb and provided them with a family. He loves them and cares for them, and He wants what is best for them.  

THEY SEE YOU!

PARENTAL TRUTH 101

Here's the proof:

Jonah copying his Dad sitting in his office

Even sweeter, 

Ben copying his dad having his quiet time.

HOLY WEEK FOR KIDS

Some great videos and other resources to use with kids for Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, and Easter Sunday.

For Maundy Thursday/Good Friday, 
we did the following activity:

Each of us wrote down 2 sins we struggle with on post-it notes.  Then, using building blocks, we built a cross on the floor.  Then we put our notes on the cross.  

We talked about Colossians 2:14:
"having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross."

We read the following devotional for the benefit of our older kids.  For the younger boys, we emphasized how much Jesus loved us to die on the cross for our sins.  And how much Jesus loves us because He forgives us for our sins, past-present-future.

Click HERE for devotional "nailed-to-the-cross"

Then for Saturday night to get ready 
for Easter morning:
we are going to make these Resurrection biscuits as an object lesson about the tomb being empty!  

Click HERE for recipe for Resurrection Biscuits

Click HERE for coloring page PDF "Jesus Loves You and So Do We"

Click HERE for coloring page PDF "He is Risen"

Click HERE for Easter Story Mini-book PDF

We also love using these Resurrection Eggs with the boys.  Well worth the money!

Click HERE for Amazon link to Resurrection Eggs

DON'T USUALLY DO THIS BUT...

One of our Christmas traditions is to give our girls tickets to a play.  Each January, us Lavey women go out for a nice meal and then enjoy seeing a great performance.

I really don't like sharing a photo with me in it, but this is such a nice picture of my girls, I just had to share.

I'm so proud of these two amazing girls!  They have hearts full of love and are very bright, talented, responsible people who are honorable and trustworthy.  I'm excited and praying about their growing relationships with the Lord Jesus.

PATIENCE, TUBAS, AND "IT TAKES A VILLAGE"

Since Memorial Day 2019, for whatever reason, Jonah became very interested in eagles and tubas.  I think the connection happened because of the American flags and the marching band at the Memorial Day activities in our town.  But I don't know why these 2 items caught Jonah's attention as compared to a zillion other things that could have caught his attention.

His eagle obsession has been rather easy to accommodate.  For his birthday we gave him an eagle birthday cake, eagle book, eagle tshirt and eagle lawn ornament.  Throw in a few YouTube videos of eagles and we are good to go!

The tuba obsession has been more of a challenge.  Jonah wants a tuba.  Please note: no one in the WORLD makes a toy tuba!  I found tuba ornaments (this is actually quite a thing.  I don't know why?).  I found tuba books and tuba tshirts.  But no toy tubas.  

Now could we have bought him a real tuba.  Yes, we probably could have found one somewhere at a reasonable price.  However, my practical side told me this obsession might end as quick as it started so why bring a tuba into our life if it might not be useful for long.  My practical side also told me that I don't want another bulky useless thing in our house- we already have too much junk that serves no purpose.    Plus do I really want to hear 2 boys trying to play the tuba?  That sounds like a migraine waiting to happen...

So Christmas came, and Jonah really wanted a tuba.  We were very proud of Jonah for how gracefully handled the fact that on Christmas morning there was no tuba.  

I'm not going to lie to you- now that his like for tubas is going on 10 months, there have been times I have felt extremely guilty for denying a tuba to this cute little boy who doesn't ask for much in life.  

Have I been a mother who missed a moment with her child simply because I didn't feel like being a mom to a tuba besides 5 kids?  I don't know the right answer.  

We have tried to never over-indulge our kids.  We want them to appreciate the simpler things in life and realize that material possessions are not that important.  So why then does my heart tug so when Jonah asks for a tuba?

Well, the amazing teachers at our school came to the rescue along with a high school boy who volunteers in the boys' special ed room.  This high school boy worked it out with the band teacher for him to bring a tuba to the boys today in school. 

 Jonah's wish came true!  Jonah who has handled his request for a tuba for the past 10 months with unusual patience finally was rewarded.  Jonah got to play a tuba!  Ben, as the other half of the dynamic duo, got to play the tuba also.

What a fine day it was for these two little boys!

Do I still feel guilty I haven't bought a tuba?  Yes.  But maybe today taught me a lesson also.  Other people are ready and willing to help out with the boys and fill in the gaps that I can't make happen for them.  That's pretty neat!

Now enjoy the photos! 

GOING DEEP

The previous post was a light-hearted look at our life with the boys.  Lots of fun, lots of laughter.

However, now it's time to go deep. Because being the parent of a child with special needs often opens you up to things that are difficult and painful to watch and experience with your child.

Our child's social interactions are one of those areas that can cause us to feel pain in our hearts for our kiddo.  

Kiddos with special needs can have a difficult time making and maintaining friends especially with typically-developing kids.  This difficulty can manifest itself in feelings of loneliness, rejection, and even hurt if other kids are mean to them.

No parent wants to see their child hurting.  The reality though for a child with special needs is that the likelihood of him being hurt is probably higher because of his difficulties with social skills as a result of his special need.

Fortunately, I was able to attend a great seminar at the Medical College this past weekend.  It was about helping special needs kiddos with social skills.

The speaker was Richard Lavoie.  I would highly recommended his book!

Click HERE to read about book It's So Much Work to be Your Friend

Click HERE for Rick Lavoie website

The information I learned at this seminar will be useful to me because of instead of just saying the blanket statement "My child has problems with social skills.", Mr. Lavoie gave a breakdown of specific social skills so I can narrow down the exact area (or areas) where our boys might be struggling.  

Here is brief summary of the information he provided:

1. Timing/Staging issues: unable to realize that getting to know someone takes time and work.  Problem with coming on too strong or considering someone your best friend because he said "Hi" to you.
2. Social Memory issues: forgetting consequences of prior good/bad behavior and not applying that to present or future situations.
3. Social Prediction issues: unable to anticipate effect of behavior, not able to choose behavior based on what may or may not happen as a result.
4. Recuperating Strategy issues: unable to fix a social mistake that was made.
5. Feedback Cue issues: unable to assess how others are reacting to behavior and then using those cues to correct or improve behavior.
6. Poor Language skills: physically hard to say the words or to be understood, difficulty making good conversation (Question, comment process) etc.
7. Social Contract issues: unable to understand unwritten expectations of interaction with others, ie. waiting in line versus budding in line.
8. Transfer of Information issues: unable to take good behavior in one situation and apply that same good behavior in a different or unfamiliar place.
9. Reputation issues: Adults (hopefully) have learned to be more flexible with their opinions of people and make those opinions more situational.  For example, just because someone was rude at work doesn't mean he is a rude person all the time.  However, for children, their opinions are more permanent and pervasive- if child is mean during recess one time in 5th grade, then that child might be off the list as a friend for a very long time.

This breakdown will be very useful to me.  Now when the boys come up against some difficulty getting along with peers, I can try to assess the situation and see which area we might be dealing with and be more focused in how to help the boys learn a better way to interact.

Finally, Mr. Lavoie shared an essay he wrote called "Someday".  I think this is a beautiful but heart-wrenching piece that really gets at the core of what it means to walk along our special need child and love and support him through everything he faces.  He has a lot of physical, academic, and EMOTIONAL challenges in front of him.  It isn't all unicorns and rainbows.  Of course, a good attitude always helps to try and focus on the positive.  But the reality is, sometimes it's just sad to see him struggle in life, and this essay gives parents the safe place to say that.

Click HERE for "Someday" essay by Richard Lavoie
note: no intention on featuring this essay as a political viewpoint one way or the other.  Just thought it had amazing insight into what special needs parents face and feel.

ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER!

This happened last night.  

Jonah just finished a 20 day 

course of antibiotics- need I say more :(

Then this happened.  

Andrew is gone for four days 

snowmobiling up north, need I say more...

So then this happened.  

Not my finest moment, I admit...

So what I realized during my post-toilet disaster/blowup analysis is that when things are firing here on all pistons, the boys and I work pretty great together.  Where we have problems is when something unexpected happens, and that's when we have a breakdown of our pretty-easy-flowing dynamics.  

Now as tempting as it is to blame these breakdowns on the boys, I came to understand last night that I expect them to act differently in a time of "crisis" than I do during normal times.  However, I haven't taught them the skill to make that adaptation.  

When things are going smoothly around the house, I am able to be at pretty high alert level and be on watch to guide and direct their behavior so it doesn't go off the rails.  But when something like a toilet clogging happens and I get distracted busy dealing with the crisis, then I can't guide and direct the boys like I usually do.  Their behavior is still the same as during non-crisis, it's just they don't have me around to keep them in their "good behavior" boxes.  

So I think what I need to work on is a crisis strategy for them.  When my attention has to go to clogged toilets, broken dishes, dog getting sick etc, I need to let them know they need to go to a spot and just sit and wait for me as I deal with the mess.  Perhaps they can grab books and read, but what is most important is they need to stay out of my hair for a bit and out of trouble for a bit.  The TV can be a good babysitter during household crisis times, but like last night, I couldn't leave our bathroom "waterfall" to even get to the TV to plug the boys in.  So instead I was trying to clean up this awful mess with the 2 of them stepping and touching stuff that they should not have been in the vicinity of-hence the 3rd image of me screaming like a madwoman.  

So we will work on some crisis strategies for the next time Mount St. Toilet erupts in our home or some other such similar disaster.  Because it isn't a matter of IF it happens again, just when it will happen again.  Next time we will be armed and ready!

Update to last night:  The amazing thing about the boys is this morning, they don't wake up holding a grudge at their crabby mother who put them to bed quite abruptly last night.  They wake up ready to hug and cuddle and tell me they love me despite the fact I wasn't very nice to them last night.  What an amazing lesson to me about unconditional love and forgiveness.  I tell you pure hearts are these boys' greatest gifts to this world!

I'M LAUGHING AT MYSELF

Ok, I'll admit it.  This sounds a lot like me..

What can I say?  I am a mom.

Besides, doesn't it show a lot of character when a person can laugh at herself?

Enjoy!

"GOSPEL IN COLORS" CURRICULUM: REVIEW LESSON

Click HERE for explanation of the 5 gospel colors.

I made these flashcards to use each week.

This is the picture bible we use with the boys.  We love it because of the way it is written and the cute and colorful illustrations.  

Plus it offers a Bible story videos also. 

Click HERE for The Beginners Bible information.

WEEK SIX: REVIEW

1. Bible Story- 
Plan of Salvation, various Scriptures
Click HERE for ABC's of Salvation lesson

2. Songs-

Wordless Book song- use each week

Jesus is my Super Hero song

Jesus is the Great Good News song

O Happy Day song

3. Covered by the Cross game-

Click HERE for Covered by the Cross game

4. Craft-

Click HERE for Butterfly craft

The boys will color the butterfly using black, red, white, yellow and green.

5. Object lesson- 

Click HERE for Salvation Cups object lesson

6. Book-

Click HERE for A Birthday Party for Jesus book

7. Talk Through Plan of Salvation and Pray 

NOTE: Only if child seems ready.  If not ready, that's ok.  

God has a special timetable for each us.  

Click HERE for Salvation for Kids Step by Step

8. CELEBRATE!  Use the story or song about the Lost Sheep parable to let the boys know how excited and happy the Lord (and us) is that they have accepted Jesus as their Savior!

 

Story of the Parable of the Lost Sheep

The Lost Sheep song