In preparation for Ben's IEP in November, I typed up this summary of Ben's social skills according to our observations. I'm anxious to hear school's input on this.
BEN'S
SOCIALIZING/MAKING CONVERSATION
Issues:
1. Wrong Answer- Doesn't answer
questions appropriately or correctly, ie.
"Cow", "Mom", or just babbles.
2. Delegate- Tries to get Jonah (or
someone else) to answer instead.
3. Whispers answer or answers into his
armpit.
4. Lack of eye contact.
5. Not Understood- Talks too fast or
has trouble with pronunciation.
6. Shuts down- doesn't make any
response.
Why
we think this happens:
1. Speech issues- Ben needs to
continue learning proper pronunciation and
proper speed of speech.
2. Social Anxiety- Ben experienced lack of socialization for his
1st 6 years in the orphanage so
Ben doesn't feel comfortable or know how
to interact with people appropriately.
His orphanage years I'm sure
play a role, but we are hoping with each additional year Ben has with us, this becomes less and
less of an issue for him. However, perhaps we shouldn't underestimate how
much not having the basic communication
foundations for those highly impactful first years is limiting him even now after being with us 5 years…
NOTE: in our
adoption/trauma education we had to take for the
adoption process, we learned that orphanage behaviors can fade/drop off after the child is home
with family for a longer time than
he was in the orphanage. We are at year
5 1/2 so we are almost at the half-way
mark!
3. Control- due to Ben's "hard
past" of being in orphanage for 6 years, control
is always his go-to emotion/goal. Ben
had to look out for himself for
6 years to make sure he survived and got the limited care and attention that was available to
him at the orphanage. So everything Ben does, unless you can
capture him at a moment where he lets
his guard down, Ben wants to control the situation. It doesn't
matter to him if having this control gets him positive or negative attention, he just wants to be
the one to determine what he will do,
how he will do it, and how others should respond/react to him. This means if Ben
chooses to engage someone in conversation,
you will see a very different style of communication than when someone else initiates conversation with Ben. This is when
the issues 1-6 come into play.
4. Jealousy- This is probably a subset
of Control, but I believe Ben has social
issues often because he is jealous of others getting attention. By
others, I particularly mean Jonah. I
will often see better social skills from
Ben when he is alone versus when the 2 boys are together. Again, even
if Ben acting inappropriately gets him in trouble,
he considers this a win because he probably got more attention, all be it negative, than Jonah during or as a result
of the social interaction.
What
we are currently trying to do to help Ben:
1. Speech therapy at school and thru
Rehab Resources.
2. At home, we go over these Conversation
Rules:
a. Listen to the question
b. Think about your answer.
c. Answer the truth.
d. Make eye contact.
f. Speak clearly
3. Use of the speech device to assist
him in being able to be understood by
those outside his inner circle.
4. Building upon and encouraging Ben's
amazing strengths
a. Ben is very smart.
b. Ben has a fun personality.
c. Ben is hard-working and
determined.
d. Ben has good command of
the English language despite only learning
it starting it at age 6.
e. Ben is resilient. He is tough and strong. He is a survivor.
f. Ben's potential to do incredible things with
his life.
Possible
Action Steps:
1. Do you agree with all of this
information from your experience with Ben
at school and/or therapy? Or is this
something that we just experience
at home and social situations besides school?
2. Are there specific goals/tasks that
should be included in his IEP to help
Ben in the social area?
3. Any other help/resources that may
be available to Ben to help him improve
socially?
4. Any help/suggestions for Andrew and
I as we try to work on these issues
at home?
