Just kidding, I don't really believe in jinxing, but I don't want to get too overconfident so that is why I am posting these thoughts with some reservation.
The past 2 weeks have been really nice and good with Ben. We are getting along much better, but most importantly, he just seems very happy and mellow. That is what I want most for him- to relax and enjoy his new life here rather than deal with pain and grief and difficulty in adjusting.
I am sure we will have a downward swing because that tends to be the pattern in this transition process, but I am so thankful to the Lord for the nice 2 weeks we have had.
I can't say for certain that things improved because of anything we did (besides pray!), but we have been more intentional in offering Ben things for his sensory diet. Some people may read that and think I am nuts, but the research I did on sensory deprivation issues did seem to point out that might be some of what is affecting Ben.
Here is an excerpt from one article I read that discussed sensory deprivation disorder and Down syndrome. Obviously there is even more to read about sensory issues and how it relates to children who have grown up in orphanages.
"Some of the children I have seen through Down Syndrome Clinic who have DS-ASD demonstrate the areas of concern discussed above. Families will usually report that their child was developing within normal limits for a child with Down syndrome only up until they were around a year old. At that time, they began to demonstrate decreased skills in playing, social interaction and many abnormal behaviors. Some on these reported behaviors include shaking fingers, chains and similar objects in front of their face, food refusal, looking directly into a light source and preservative type motions rather than purposeful play. Some of the other behaviors that have been reported or observed by families of children with DS-ASD include:
- Decreased or no eye contact,
- Excessive mouthing of objects,
- Decreased or no purposeful play with toys,
- Staring directly into lights,
- Abnormal hand movement (such as flicking fingers in front of eyes or waving hands away from body),
- Refusal to hold objects (such as clothing or a spoon to self-feed),
- Picky eater (especially for specific textures),
- Flat affect,
- Self stimulatory behaviors (such as rocking, banging head, humming or screaming), and
- Decreased interaction with people."
Ben experiences mouthing of objects, decreased purposeful play with toys, flicking hand in front of face, picky eater, self stim behaviors, and decreased interaction with people.
Because of these behaviors, we decided to try to give Ben some good sensory experiences in hopes of helping him relax and be more at ease with life in general.
Things we have done:
1. sensory bin filled with high sensory toys- lights, music, textures, etc.
2. having him sit on a "Lean n Learn" seat cushion at the kitchen table along with a weighted lap pad.
3. wrapping Ben in big quilt and swinging him. He loves this! I am trying to convince Andrew to put up a swing in the house- he is not on board with that idea yet....
4. playing sensory stimulating and/or calming videos (depending on his mood) while boys are playing.
5. And my very favorite thing is having boys listen to Scripture Lullabies while they play- God's word is more powerful than anything even the experts come up with, right? I think any child would benefit from having these beautiful words sung over them:
I also did try to have intentional cuddling time with Ben, but he is very resistant to cuddling with me if I ask him to. He will initiate it with me sometimes, but it did not work for me to initiate it with him. I talked with our social worker about this, and she recommended not forcing this with him. She said to let him cuddle with me as he feels comfortable with. I have to admit that it is hard to have your child not want to snuggle up with you, but I am hoping and praying in time, Ben will have a trust and security with me that allows him the freedom to do this.
I also looked into therapeutic listening but haven't tried it yet. CDs are rather expensive so I have found a playlist on YouTube, but I don't think that is probably the same quality as the product you would purchase. The other hindrance to this idea is finding the 30 minutes a day to have Ben sit and listen to this with headphones on- seems like that may cause more of a battle than its worth, but I still think it's an interesting idea.
So those are the things we are trying to do with Ben. Are these the reasons we have had a good 2 weeks? I cannot say for sure. Again, we may have another rough stretch start in a day or two. Its a marathon not a sprint- that's what I keep telling myself. You can't expect 6 years of orphanage life to disappear in less than 1 year- that isn't how this math works.
I will end with some cute random pictures:
Ben is very happy his "Bubba" (Abigail) is home from college! Interesting though that he will often try to call her "mama" and me "Bubba". I am thinking there is some deep pschological meaning to this...we just continue to remind him that I am his mama.
I took the boys to the nearby children's museum where they had so much fun playing in the fire truck exhibit! Why am I not surprised Ben is the driver? That kid is a born leader!
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