SIX YEARS OF “GOTCHA”

 

7-15-10

Ben (Kostas) arrives at the orphanage at 3 weeks old 

7-9-16

Meeting Ben (Kostas) for the first time

Six years later!

Has he changed?  Does he love us bigger and better?  

Have I changed?  Do I love him bigger and better?

Yes to all the above questions!

Ben’s love for us has grown from being in love with us, much like when you start dating.  The infatuation phase, honeymoon period.  Over these six years, I think Ben has learned to love us deeper and more unconditionally.  He use to shut down or get very angry anytime we crossed him or he didn’t get his way.  I think he’s learned to trust that we care for him and aren’t just saying “no” because we are mean.  

Is he still a work in progress?  Yes, of course, like we all are!  He still has orphanage junk that can rear its ugly head when he is triggered in some way.  But the hard days are fewer and farther between.  He is mostly a fun, energetic, smart, cute little boy who loves his life and loves his family!

I feel like my love for Ben has grown in the opposite way.  I started with the committed love, the one where you don’t always feel it, but you know you’ve made a promise to stick with this person for life.  

Over these years, I gotten to know Ben and see how cool of a person he is.  I’ve come to greatly respect how much Ben has accomplished in his life: surviving the orphanage, going thru open heart surgery ALONE at 18 mths, learning English, adapting to family and school life etc.  I’m learning to understand and have compassion for his vulnerable hard times.  I’m learning to accept that Ben’s sad often presents as mad.  I’m learning that it’s ok that as his mom, I’m not his first “go to” person.  The dad and sibling relationships are still more fun and attractive to him.  As his mom, I most closely represent his orphanage caregivers: I feed him, clothe him, keep him clean, direct him, teach him, and discipline him.  I’m always there. Not the most fun to him, more functional I guess.  

But that’s ok.  The rejoicing is that Ben has a family!  As one fellow adopted-from-an-orphanage mom said to me, Ben’s worst day here is still better than his best day in the orphanage.

I love you Ben!  We all do!  I don’t know how we managed life before without your authority and direction😊