LIFETIME PARENTING

 

When we were thinking about adopting a child with special needs (over 15 years ago now!), one thing some people mentioned to us was that it would mean lifetime parenting.  

Yes, because our boys both have Down syndrome, we will most likely be involved in most aspects of their personal lives for the rest of our lives.  This can feel overwhelming at times for many reasons: lack of our own personal freedom in our older years but also worries about who will care for our kiddos when we are gone.

It's true these concerns are not present with our kids without special needs.  With typical adult children, they can manage their lives on their own with parents playing the role of advisor and encourager. 

At least that's what our older kids think.  They think we as parents can just calmly sit back and watch our kiddos embark on life on their own with no worries or concerns on our part because our job as their primary caretaker is now over.

No. Way.  Yes, that's how we try to present, but realistically most parents of older kids have to work really hard to let go, step back, and not have an anxiety attack-haha.  

In other words, I think all parents are lifetime parents because we never stop loving and caring about our kids no matter how old they are.  

This week I was bombarded with some great resources about parenting older kids which I would like to share:

Click HERE for "Trusting God with your Adult Child" from Focus on the Family

Post I came across on Facebook:

BOY MOMS Someone shared this with me and i knew i needed to share it with you. No truer words. Deep breath. Here we go. You always hear about a girl’s daddy “giving his daughter away” on her wedding day. I had never thought much about the mommas and their sons. But y’all mommas give away something too. Something just as precious. Something I knew I would never get back. I gave away being the one he hugs and kisses I gave away being the one he looks for in a crowd I gave away being the first person he turns to when things get tough I gave away being the one he makes laugh in the middle of day I gave away being his number one girl I gave away a piece of my heart I gave away my son Deep down I know he will always love me but I also know he loves her more. He loves her more than his momma and that’s ok. That’s how I knew he had found the one. But isn’t that what we want? We want them to marry a girl who they will put first even if it means we become second. Mommas, Love him while you are still first Kiss his sweet baby face and linger in those lanky teenage hugs Drive him to school even when he is grumpy and doesn’t say a word to you Listen when he needs to vent and blow off steam Love on his friends Bring the motrin to school for the 100 thousandth time. He may have a headache OR he may just want to get out of class and chat with you for a minute. Sit next to his hospital bed even though he screwed up Soak up every minute under those Friday night lights. Love him, forgive him and forgive yourself for the things you didn’t get right Because one day, you will give him away.... You will stand and watch him give his heart to the love of his life. You will dance and he will say the sweetest things about who he has become because of you. He will hug you tight and it will feel a little bit like a goodbye. You will become his second best girl and it will be so dang HARD. Author: Alyssa Becnel

So in the end, I believe there is the challenge of lifetime parenting for all of our kids.  It just looks a little different depending on the kiddo:

1. Special Needs: they will always need me but I might not always be there for them

2. Typical: they will not always need me but it's hard to not always be there for them