EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

 This week we had sickness go through our household.  Jonah got sick on Sunday night, and I got sick on Tuesday night.  However, Ben seemed to feel fine and continued to attend school Monday and Tuesday.  However, Tuesday night when I put him to bed, because I was starting to feel under the weather, I talked to him about making sure he calls out to me during the night if he feels sick.  I also left his door open during the night so he could come get me if he felt sick.

Let me give you some background info: Ben's orphanage must have had VERY STRICT rules about bedtime and getting dirty.  For everything Ben has adapted to in his American life, he has not been able to let go of these high restrictions.  Ben will not let us know he is awake in the morning and ready to start his day.  He quietly waits until we come and get him.  If you know Ben, this passive approach doesn't fit his personality.  Ben also gets very worried and concerned we are going to get angry at him if he gets his clothes dirty.  To the point, that he will not let us know when he is sick to his stomach because he is afraid we will get mad at him for making a mess.  Again, if you know Ben's personality, Ben is not one to feel much remorse for being naughty and yet this is one area he truly bads about.  So over the years we have been working to encourage him over the years that its ok if he gets sick/dirty, and its no big deal to clean up the mess.  But he needs to let us know rather than try to hide to the mess in his bedroom.

Well yesterday morning I went up to get Ben and found him hiding under his bed with just his head sticking out by the heat register.  Yes, connect those dots, he had gotten sick and used the heat register as his hiding spot.  

I can't believe after all these years, these fears are still instilled in him.  Why wouldn't he call me or come get me when he was feeling sick?  Why does he try to hide?  What was the punishment he received in that orphanage that has put this fear in him?  

So yes, I did have a firm talk to him about not ever using the heat registers again, but I also tried to communicate to him that he just has to tell me and I will be there to help him thru getting sick.  But even as I say those words to him, I can just tell his face blanks over and he's not really listening.  I don't know if we will ever break through those barriers.  

Very interesting- and sad in a way.  Sometimes it seems like love only reaches so far with Ben.  He will always have this wall around his heart and only he will control when that wall will come down on choice occasions.  

Proof that life is better lived from the start in the midst of a loving family- not in the herd mentality of an orphanage or in the hodge podge of bouncing kids around foster care homes.  

Good News: we are all starting to feel better!