ONE YEAR AGO TOMORROW

One year ago tomorrow, 7-8, we left for the trip of a lifetime!  

I remember the days leading up to us leaving as being so exciting and having that "once in a lifetime" type of feeling.  So neat!  

I cannot believe a year has passed already.  

Despite my homesickness and being anxious about the adoption, the 13 days we spent in Lithuania are some of my most precious memories.  I am so amazed and grateful the Lord allowed Andrew and I to have this incredible experience!

Meeting Ben, getting to know Ben, learning about his country and sightseeing, getting to spend time with wonderful Silva and Reda (our adoption facilator and attorney and 2 of the most amazing women I have ever met!), just so many incredible experiences during those 13 days.  

I am not the same person I was before going on this journey.  How could I be?  I saw too many things and learned too many things.  Some of those things were hard and difficult.  Meeting the other children in the orphanage who were begging for us to be their mama and dada was hard.  Knowing how uncertain their futures are if no families come forward to adopt them, that is hard to process. 

That is part of the reason I have kept this blog- yes, it's a great "scrapbook" for our family, but mostly it is a way to help awareness of the fact there are children who need families to step forward and adopt them NOW.  Without families, these children face bleak and sad futures.    

I am also not the same person as before this journey because I am now blessed to have Ben in my life.  He brings an energy and excitement to our home along with happiness and sweetness when he lets his guard down for us.  Ben is wonderful little boy.  Yes, he is still a bit rough around the edges, but gradually we are seeing a softening in him.  It's coming, we just have to be patient.  In fact, just this morning he hugged me and said "Happy" to me.  Then he listed everyone in our family.  I think he is really starting to get the idea he belongs to us!

So Happy One Year Anniversary of the day we left on the most incredible trip ever!

 FROM CHICAGO to VILNIUS

LOVE IN MILES:

4712 Miles

SO WORTH IT!

FLASHBACKS

Some interesting and heartbreaking reactions from Ben recently:

On our road trip to New York, Ben had so much fun. He loved being with the whole family.  However, when we pulled up to our hotel in Niagara Falls, he start to cry and was very upset, saying "No, no".  

We think he was afraid we had pulled up to an orphanage.  Think about it, a big building with lots of windows....from a 7 year old's point of view, the buildings could look very familiar.

Here is Ben's orphanage:

Here is our hotel from that first night:

I think this poor little boy was scared we were bringing him back to the orphanage.  How sad is that?

We quickly reassured him this was a place we were all going to go in together and sleep for the night. We kept repeating that we would all be together.  He calmed down, and we got settled into our room without any more issues.

He did not have any negative reaction when we pulled up to the cabin we rented in upstate New York. Of course, this cabin looked nothing like a hotel (or orphanage).

Then coming home from our trip, we stayed over in Toledo.  Ben had the same reaction of fear and crying when we pulled up to the second hotel.  We went through the same reassurances, and he settled down.  

Finally, last night for the 4th of July fireworks, we were able to watch them from the power plant where my brother-in-law works.  Before the show, Ben had to use the bathroom so Andrew took him inside the plant to use the bathroom.  Ben had the same reaction when he saw the stairwell leading up to the bathrooms.  As Andrew thought about it, the stairwell looked very much like the steps we used to get up to Ben's room at the orphanage:

My heart breaks to think about how close to the surface those fears may be in little Ben.  Does he really think all this might just be temporary, and he will have to leave us and go back?  

I don't want to read too much into these strange reactions from Ben.  If I have learned one thing from parenting 2 children with Down syndrome, it is that there is often not an explanation for why they act like they do sometimes :).  Perhaps Ben just didn't feel like transitioning from the van to the hotel or maybe he didn't want to walk up all those steps for the bathroom...  These could be the very simple explanations for why he got so upset.  

But I also think our Ben, even after almost 1 year home, is still processing and working through lots of emotions and feelings.  That is why we have hidden our photo album from our trip because we noticed the last time he looked at it with us, we went through a very bad stretch of behavior from him.  That is also why we have held off on visiting a woman who lives nearby who is from Lithuania.  We visited with her once and noticed Ben had a very bad week of behavior after that visit.  

We think this is Ben telling us that he cannot handle those reminders of his old life.  Its too raw for him yet and too close to the surface.  

These possible "flashbacks" remind me of how important it is that we continue to remind Ben we are his family and we love him and we are forever.  And these assurances need to happen when Ben is in a good place too, not just when he is upset.    

Six years of his previous life are not going to be erased in just 1 year of his new life.  That isn't how adoption math works unfortunately.  

I have said it before, but I will say it again: 
This is a marathon, not a sprint.  

BEN'S FIRST FOURTH OF JULY!

Ben came home on July 21st last year so this is his first July 4th celebration.

Ben became a US citizen the minute his feet touched the ground at O'Hare airport in Chicago almost a year ago on 7-21-16.

On this very special day celebrating the birthday of our country, I am very thankful for all this country has to offer all of us, but today I think especially of our little Ben and what becoming an American citizen has meant for him:

1. The opportunity to have a family, have a home, go to school, be part of a church and a community.

2. The opportunity to get a great education.

3. The opportunity to join great organizations like our local Down Syndrome Association, Gigi's Playhouse, Miracle League Baseball, Special Olympics, and many more I will continue to be made aware of I am sure!

4. The opportunity to have a job someday and possibly support himself.

5. The opportunity to be loved.

6.  The opportunity to be FREE.  Ben is no longer contained behind the orphanage gates.  He has a life here in America where he is free to be himself!  

From this:

To this:

Enjoying patriotic cake

Going to the beach

1st campfire cookout- Ben ate his usual mashed potatoes and marble rye bread!

Trying his 1st smore

Right after this photo, he took the chocolate 

out and just ate that!

CAMPING AT YOUR OWN RISK

Almost every summer Andrew camps 

with Jonah out in our backyard.  

Tonight was Ben's first time joining the 2 seasoned campers.   Both boys were very excited!  

I think these pictures show how brave Andrew is to take on the challenge of both boys 

out in a tent all night long.... 

Hmm, only one boy left in tent with Andrew.  

Who is it? 

It's Jonah!  

Ben got scared of bugs and the sound of fireworks off in the distance.  He was very happy to come in the house by mom and march up to 

his own soft snuggly bed.  

I guess he takes after his mom!

TRIBUTE TO MY AUNT AUDREY

My mother had a younger sister named Audrey Mae. Audrey had Down syndrome.  She was the youngest of 9 children.  

When she was 5 years old, her and my mother went to kindergarten.  After the first day, Audrey was sent home, never to return to school again.  The teacher said there was no way for her to keep up with the other children.  

This was back in the 1930's.  There were not many support systems in place for people with Down syndrome and their families.  

But Audrey learned at home.  She lived in a home where both English and Dutch were spoken, and she understood both languages. She could copy words she would see in a magazine or newspaper.  She was a great cleaner.  She didn't talk much but could get her point across!

I remember Audrey because she would come and live by us many weekends.  She lived in a group home 20 minutes from our house.  I grew up just accepting her quirks and way of doing life.  I loved having her visit our house.  She was funny and sweet.  

Looking back, I can totally see the importance and impact Audrey had in my life.  Because of my time with her, I learned about Down syndrome and became familiar and comfortable with it.  I saw Audrey as just another neat person in our family, not as someone who was less worthy or too different.  She was just Audrey.

Because of that familiarity and acceptance, I felt very comfortable about adopting 2 children with Down syndrome.  It doesn't mean that I haven't had to learn and adapt and be challenged with my parenting of our 2 kiddos, but Down syndrome has just always bee part of my life, and so it seemed very "natural" to have 2 kids with Down syndrome.

Every life is valuable and precious.  God uses each life to work out His ways.  Audrey helped lead our family to Jonah and Ben.  What a beautiful thing to give tribute to her for.   

Thank you Audrey for teaching me things I didn't even realize I would need to know until I turned 40 years old! 

You have a wonderful legacy.  

  How much cuteness is that?

 The other cutie in this photo is my mom.  

Audrey and my mom were inseparable!

SUMMER SELFISHNESS STEW

SUMMER SELFISHNESS STEW

I seem to be serving this dish almost daily this summer so far, but it is also a great dish to bring to a pity party.

The stew brews really well with hot temperatures, both outside temps and ones due to hot flashes.  A combination of both is even better!

I know stew seems like a winter meal, but the cool thing about this stew is a lot of the ingredients are found only in the summer due to lack of the structure and routine that the kids have when they are in school all day during the fall-winter-spring.  Take advantage of these special ingredients and make this tasty dish! The stew is cheap too- only costs $1 happiness and $1 pleasantness.  

Serve with a side of making everyone else in the house afraid of you, and you have a good complete meal for the whole family.

INGREDIENT LIST

4 cups wishing I could do whatever I want.  This is the base for the stew.  Without this ingredient, you don't get the full selfishness flavor.

2 cups jealousy of moms whose kids could do summer school or other organized daily activities so the moms get a break each day.

2 TBSP frustration with boys who don't always play nicely together.  This ingredient is optional, depending how spicy you want the stew.  Sometimes the boys play very nicely together so then I don't add this ingredient.

1 cup stress of being on constant alert because of 2 boys having no safety awareness or boundary awareness.  

1 TBSP sadness that naps in the afternoons are over for the boys.  I remember this ingredient from other recipes I made when our older kids were little.  

1 cup trying to get things done that never seem to get done: laundry, book work, cleaning, organizing the house etc.

2 TBSP difficulty of keeping track of 3 teenagers activities and attitudes.  If you don't have teens in the house, skip this ingredient, but please note, your stew will not be as tasty!

1/2 cup weariness because of potty training that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.  This ingredient can be added wet or dry.

Put all this in a big pot and let it simmer all day long. By the end of the day, you will have an incredible dish to enjoy.  It may taste so good, it might bring tears to your eyes.  And don't forget to ask God for forgiveness before you partake!

The above is a lighthearted attempt to confess the sin I am really struggling with this summer: selfishness for all the reasons listed in the above ingredients.  

I feel like every day I ask the Lord for strength to be kind, compassionate, and patient, and every night in bed, I cry out to the Lord for failing again and again.

I know I cannot do this without the Lord's strength, but often when given the choice, I decide to react in selfishness rather than take a deep breath and react how Jesus would wish me to act.  I forget to see my kids as blessings from the Lord and be grateful for having this special time with them during the summer.  

I still have about half the summer left.  I hope and pray I can change my menu plans because I think my family is getting sick of eating the same thing almost everyday!

Am I the only mom who is in this recipe-rut?

LET'S PLAY BALL!

This summer the boys are playing baseball through a local Miracle League Baseball chapter.  

We are so excited for them!

Our local chapter, The Miracle League of the Lakeshore, serves children ages 4-19 who live with a physical or intellectual disability. Based on the reality that baseball diamonds are not built for crutches, braces, wheelchairs, etc., Miracle League removes these obstacles and gives children with disabilities the experience of playing baseball. 

Everyone plays, everyone bats, everyone wins!

The players are paired up with a one-on-one buddy who works with them the entire 2 innings.  Yes, you read that right.  Because everyone on the team gets up to bat, everyone bats until they make a hit, and you only run one base at a time, 

there are only 2 innings.  

We love this organization.  We are so grateful to the buddies and other volunteers who give of their time to work with our kiddos.  Thank you!

It is so precious to us that the boys get to be part of a baseball team because we know it would probably be difficult for the boys to be on a "typical" team at this point.  

If you would like to find out if there is a Miracle League near you, here is the 

link to the national organization:

find-a-miracle-league

Here is the link to our local chapter, 

Miracle League of the Lakeshore:

miracle league lakeshore

And now,  "LET'S PLAY BALL!"

Pre-game warm ups.  

Tonight was Crazy Sock Night.

I am pretty sure Ben is telling 

someone to do something.

He always thinks he is in charge of something!

Jonah up to bat.  

Gotta love the pink batting helmet!

 Look at that great batting stance!

No such thing as 3 strikes and you are out.

Jonah running to 1st base.

Jonah's buddy trying to convince 

him to stand on 1st base.

 Compromise is the name of this game!

Ben up to bat 

Ben's route to 1st base was unique!  

I think his buddy slept good that night.