HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION-TAKE 2

Stephen will be graduating from high school on 6-3!  So many emotions, happy and sad, as I think about and prepare for that event. 

Here are some thoughts I shared with him about my hopes and dreams for his future:

THE WIND ON YOUR BACK

For me when I think about wanting you to have the wind on your back, my first thought is I hope you have much happiness and success in your life.  However, perhaps more importantly, I hope that all that your dad and I have taught you over the years will stick with you, pushing your forward in your endeavors.  I hope that we have given you a good foundation that you can build your hopes and dreams upon. 

Proverbs 1:8-9

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

THE SUN IN FRONT OF YOU

Stephen I hope that you will always keep Christ as the center and main focus of your life.  I hope that in all you do, you do it for the glory of the Lord.

Hebrews 12:2:…Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

YOUR FRIENDS BESIDE YOU

I hope you continue with the many wonderful friendships you have formed over the years here in Cedar Grove.  I hope that you make good friends and have great fun when you are at Carleton College.   But most of all, I hope you always have at least one or two good Christian friends in your life.  These friends will encourage you, guide you, and keep you accountable in your relationship to the Lord.  I also hope this is true of your future wife someday- that she will share in your love of Jesus and that the two of you can build your marriage upon that firm foundation. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9:Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

I love you so much Stephen.  You have brought me so much joy and happiness.  I am so proud to be your mother and to call you my son.  I am so excited for your future even though I will be so sad to say good bye to you this fall.  I will miss you greatly.  Please remember we are only a phone call (or text) away.  Please don't forget about us. 

CONGRATULATIONS STEPHEN!  

WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

One of my favorite photos of 

Stephen and his little brothers!

Two of my favorites of Stephen and I

(Look! He's giving me a hug and kiss!)

DOOR NUMBER ONE, TWO, OR THREE?

During the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college, I got an amazing summer job.  Part of the amazement of it was that the summer before, I worked in a factory that made Christmas bows.  The hours were 5 am to 3 pm, and the work was very monotonous.  This new job was exciting, way more interesting, and didn't require me to get up at 4 am!  It was in downtown Milwaukee which was even more fun.  I loved it!

The next summer I could have had that Milwaukee job again, but I was given the opportunity to have an internship with our County which was in my area of study at school.  I chose the internship even though I knew how much I would miss the job in Milwaukee.

That summer was really hard for me.  Even though the internship was an incredible learning experience, and I worked with very nice people, I really missed the job in Milwaukee and often felt like I had made the wrong choice.  

Those feelings really didn't make sense, but I still struggled with them.  

I am not trying to minimize Ben's experience of coming to live with us as being as trivial and simple as my feeling bad over a summer job, but it is only thing I have to compare to it.  

Sometimes I think Ben struggles with me as his choice of a mom.  I think he often feels like he is missing out on someone better.  It is very obvious when our oldest daughter Abigail comes home, that he prefers her over me.  He calls her mama when she is around, and he often distances himself from me and becomes weirdly defiant when she is home or just after she leaves again.  

It isn't that Ben doesn't like me, but all I can think is he struggles with the "what ifs" of if there is someone better he could he have ended up with as a mom.

He's only six, I know.  But he stills has feelings and emotions.  He had a whole life in that orphanage for 6 years before he came to us.  He had an assortment of caregivers.  If he didn't like one, that shift would end, and maybe one he liked better would take over.  I, on the other hand, am around 24/7...

He had a very special caregiver that I am sure he has memories of and probably misses her.  All of sudden she was just gone from his life.  Think how that had to hurt him?  From the short video we have of her interacting with him, I am nothing like that "special mama".  I don't look like her, I don't sound like her, and I am not as animated or exciting as her.  

I often think Ben's life with us has got to be better than his life in the orphanage.  But even though the orphanage wasn't ideal, that was his reality for 6 years.  That was his normal and his routine.  Anything you give up after six years is going to leave a void and need a huge amount of adjustment time to get use to not having.  

And remember, we knew Ben's life was about to change to an even worse reality of the mental institution where he was due to be transferred at 5-6 years old.  We know the Lord rescued Ben from that horrible situation which would have been the rest of his life, but Ben doesn't know that. Ben doesn't know what he was spared so he can't really even have the element of gratefulness in how he responds to me.  Because he doesn't know or understand what could have been....

Why am I sharing this?  Because this weekend Ben had some odd and weird defiant behavior especially towards me.  Happy Mother's Day, right?  :)

It isn't that big of deal because Ben and I have actually had a very nice stretch the past few weeks.  I know with Ben there are ups and then downs so perhaps now we are entering a down stage.  I am learning to ride it out.  But these thoughts just came to me as I was thinking about the thoughts and feelings that this little guy must be feeling.  And I couldn't help but wonder if Ben is often plagued with if there is something better behind the other doors of life?

Our three older children, Lydia in particular, made me a beautiful dinner for Mother's Day.  So sweet!  And the little boys gave me beautiful art projects they made at school for me.  It was a fun and precious day because I also got to celebrate and spend time with my wonderful mom!  So many blessings Lord!

WE HAVE AN ACTRESS IN THE FAMILY

Our Lydia performed in the spring school play!  She did an amazing job especially for someone who comes off as being shy- until you get her on stage!  What an accomplishment!

Here is a photo from the fall school play which she also had a part in.  

Not sure if I ever posted the fall photos....

JUST HAVE TO BRAG!

I wanted to share some work that Jonah has been doing.

1st photo: Jonah traced the letters of the alphabet and these shapes at school

2nd photo: Lydia was sketching last night, and Jonah came and sat by her.  He wanted to sketch too.  Here is what he did totally unprompted!  Lydia was drawing a person so Jonah did too.  Then she asked him what the last word was and he said "mom" so she wrote it next to his attempt.

The boys hard at work at school on Dr. Suess Day

SO PROUD OF THE LITTLE GUY!!!!!

RECORD MAKING MOMENT!

Stephen's track season is off to a great start.  At the state indoor championships, Stephen set his personal record and beat our schools record in the 3200 that was set back in 1998.  That previous record was set by Stephen's current track coach so it was pretty neat to watch this record be broken!

DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES ON LIFE

Because Ben and Jonah are both 7 years old, both in 1st grade, and both have Down syndrome, many people think they are alike.  They are not.  They have very different personalities.  

A lot of Ben's personality comes from being in an orphanage for his first 6 years.  Ben likes control, Ben is rough around the edges, and Ben comes out fighting and in defense mode.  Ben often hides his sweet side.  Sometimes even when Ben is being charming, there is still manipulation behind it.  Ben is more in control of himself.  He listens better, and he is more trustworthy to not run away or do something dangerous.  Ben is a protector.  He looks out for all of us, always wanting to make sure he knows what we are doing and if we are doing it the right way (ahem, his way...).  

Jonah is very impulsive and easily distracted.  Jonah is very trusting and very friendly almost all the time.  Even in Jonah's naughtiness, there is a sweetness.  

Jonah's misbehavior is often because of his lack of self-control.  Ben's misbehavior is often stemming from the need to control or defy someone else's attempt to control him.  

I could keep using words to describe the differences in the boys, but I think I have 2 photos that will say it better than words.  Stephen took each boy, separately, out for burgers and ice cream. 

Here is a photo of Ben on his outing with Stephen:

And here is a photo of Jonah on his outing with his big brother.  

Ben has come a long way since he came home to us in July 2016.  He has a lot of fun and joy in his life, and he is often smiling and laughing.  But still at the core, Ben is learning to trust, learning to love, and learning to relax in his new life.  It is improving all the time, and my hope and prayer is that someday Ben will smile as easily as his goofy little brother Jonah.  

SOME VERY SPECIAL PHOTOS

My father served in the army during the Korean War.  We are very proud of his bravery and service to our country.

We have always thought that our Stephen resembles his Grandpa.  

Here is a photo of my dad as a young boy.

Here is a photo of my dad and Stephen (1st grade)

Do you see the resemblance?

My father has mentioned over the years that when Stephen got big enough, he would like Stephen to try on his army uniform.  The two have very similar builds.  This January, Stephen was finally the right height and weight to try on the uniform.  

What a special moment to see these two very special men in my life standing side by side.  My hope and prayer is that Stephen will always be like his Grandpa, not just in how he looks but how he loves the Lord and treats others.  

Stephen, you have a incredible role model!

Here is my dad in 1953.