3 YEARS AGO

On Friday, 7-8-16, Andrew and I took off from Chicago O'Hare, not really knowing how long we would be in Lithuania.  We also weren't 100% sure we would be returning with Ben.  The Lithuanian judge could deny the adoption completely or postpone and require a 2nd visit for us due to more investigation/processing needed.  

So it was with hopeful but anxious hearts that we boarded that plane 3 years ago...leaving our other 4 children home, something we had never done before. 

Waiting at O'Hare

Stopover in Frankfurt

Our first glimpse of Ben EVER through the doorway into his groupa's room- so surreal and amazing! When we walked in the room, he came running to us saying "Mama, Dada."  He was ready:)

We got to visit Ben on Saturday, 7-9-16, the day we arrived in Vilnius.  Pleasant surprise!  We thought we would have to wait until Sunday.  

Flashback to the past, John Denver's song 

"Leaving on a Jetplane"

FIVE BELOW FUN

Five Below is a new store opening soon in the city near us.  I have never been to one of these stores.  Everything in the store is under $5- could be interesting to check it out.

The boys are having some five below fun themselves this summer.  Since June was so cold, we don't have our pool up and running yet.  

So we have been having summer water fun the old fashioned way: sprinklers, water wands ($.97 each), hoses, buckets full of water, 

paint brushes, and paint rollers.  

In others words, pretty cheap- definitely below $5!

Here are some photos showing their cheap fun!

Please note how Ben always manages to stay dry and Jonah is soaked...

FIRM FOOTING

Great thought for the day that we should be firmly footed in our Lord.

However, on a more practical note, orthotics help our kiddos with Down syndrome be more firmly footed on day to day basis!

Ben with his old orthotics, soon to be replaced

"Down syndrome is a genetic disorder that can affect many different parts of the body. An extra part or whole Chromosome 21 is the cause of Down syndrome. It is the most common chromosomal abnormality. This syndrome can affect the heart, the brain, the hormone system and the skeleton. Most children with Down syndrome have some form of developmental delay. Down syndrome can affect a patient’s bones and joints. Patients have loose ligaments and low muscle tone..."

http://orthokids.org/Condition/Down-Syndrome

Both boys have orthotics for their shoes.  Jonah has had them since he was a baby.  Ben, being in an orphanage for his first 6 years, just started with orthotics when he came home to us.  

Both boys need orthotics because they overpronate or walk on the inside of their feet.  The orthotics help support the ankle and keep their feet in the normal position.  Ben suffers from this condition more than Jonah because of lack of early intervention.

So yesterday the boys got refitted for updated orthotics.  

Another issue to be aware and proactive about for our kiddos!

For more information: 

Walking and Wheeling orthotics info

Overpronation

Ortho Issues and Down syndrome

SHOUT OUT TO SPECIAL NEEDS SIBLINGS!

We probably don't say it often enough, 

but we are so proud of our 3 older children! 

 Their lives changed completely and permanently in 2010 when we decided to adopt Jonah, and later in 2016 when we adopted Ben.  

The impact of that decision on the three of you is something we never took lightly and constantly think about even today as you three 

edge closer to total independence.  

We are so thankful for the way you opened up your hearts totally and completely to your little brothers.  We are impressed how you stand up for them and protect them.  

We could not have taken this adventure without you.  Thank you. 

Very beautiful article:

Dear Typically Developing Children of Mine,

I’m not sorry your brother has special needs.

When I first received your brother’s Down syndrome diagnosis, the first coherent thought I had was, “Poor him”, which quickly turned to “poor you.” I exited the present and started living in your futures.  What if someone made fun of you for having a brother who was different? What if I got too overwhelmed with his special needs and forgot about your needs? All I could think about was how this wasn’t fair to you. What I failed to think about in those first few weeks was how wonderful his diagnosis could be for you.  I didn’t understand the complex world of disability then, I’m still working to understand its many nuances, but one thing I am sure about is this: I’m not sorry your brother has Down syndrome.

When you see your brother working hard to accomplish something that comes so naturally to you, I pray you learn humility. When you are tempted to judge someone based on his or her appearance, I pray you think of your brother and how he will be judged. I know you may grow up sooner than your peers, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Because of your brother, I hope you can by-pass some of the shallowness that comes with youth.

Things won’t always be fair. I will try my best to settle the score, but your brother’s extra needs will at times take more of my time. My loves, life isn’t fair, but know my love for you burns just the same.

You have the secret to life right in front of you: Life isn’t all about you and when you make your life about others, you get so much more in return. I hope you teach each other to love, to love all people, and to love them well.

Love,

Mom

This microblog originally appeared on Jillian Benfield's Facebook Page. You can read the full article on her website, www.JillianBenfield.com

We do believe loving your brothers has made you better people.  We also believe your brothers will be an excellent filter for who you let in your lives to love and trust.  If someone doesn't accept your brothers, we think that probably will be a red flag for you...

VERY SPECIAL SILVA DAY

Once upon a time, there was a very special woman who began visiting a little boy she called "Kostie" in an orphanage in Vilnius.  

This little boy never had anyone visit him so it was very special for him to have this special attention.  The woman loved this little boy and advocated and prayed that he would have forever family.  

When this woman found out about us becoming the family for Kostas, she began to tell him that his mama and dada were going to come soon.  She lovingly kept watch him over for him and gave us updates for the 18 months it took for our adoption process.  She fought the red tape battle over me having breast cancer back in 2011 that almost made us not eligible to be the family for Kostas.  

She was a guardian angel to our little "Kostie", and we owe her so much gratitude and love for how she fought for this little boy to have a family.  

The most wonderful thing is this amazing woman did this for many children in Lithuania besides our Benjamin Kostas.  And today some of those children with their new families got to reunite with this woman and have the most amazing celebration of  what love can do!  

Silva came to the US!  And what a reunion it was!  

Silva on one of her orphanage visits with our Ben (Kostas or "Kostie")

When we were in-country for the adoption, Silva brought her dog to town on our last night in Vilnius so Ben could meet the puppy.

Our last night in Vilnius.  The next morning we would fly home to the US.

Bittersweet goodbye: anxious and excited for our new life in the US as a family of 7, but sad to say good bye to our amazing Silva.  

Today at the reunion, Ben found his safe spot in Silva's arms.  He was so excited and happy to see her.  We spent the past few days preparing him for this visit.  We reminded him what a good friend Silva has been to us and how she helped him find his family.  But we kept reminding him that after seeing Silva today, he would come home with us because we are his forever family.  We didn't want him to worry that his time with us was over.  We never know how much of this process Ben understands at this point so we wanted to be very careful with Ben's emotions.

Silva was so happy to see her babies again.  I wish I could show you the group photo of all the children from the reunion.  It was very touching to see them all gathered around Silva.

I included this goofy photo of us because I thought it was pretty neat that while sitting by Silva, Ben reached for me and said "Mama".  Ben doesn't always show affection towards me, but today he acknowledged me as his mama to Silva.  What an affirmation!

The ride home- Ben partied hard today!

BEN'S BATMAN BIRTHDAY!

Ben had a great birthday.  He was so happy and sweet and just full of joy all day!  

Today he turned 9 years old.

Ben has celebrated 3 birthdays with us.  Each year, he chooses a Batman cake.  This boy loves Batman!

Birthday breakfast

Birthday Batman lunch 

(see the Caped Crusader on the screen)

Batman Birthday cake

Batman shirts as a gift

Our dynamic duo!  

Interestingly enough, Jonah rarely shows the emotion of jealousy.  However, this birthday for Ben was a bit hard for Jonah.  He wanted it to be his birthday so his behavior 

at times during the day was a bit undesirable :)  

Good thing he only has 3 months to 

wait before he turns 9 years old!

Stroll down memory lane:

2016: This is one of the last photos of Ben from the orphanage so probably close to June 2016, near his 6th birthday.  His last birthday as an orphan.  I think he looks a lot happier in the photos that follow!

2017: Ben's first birthday with us: he turns 7

2018: Ben's 8th birthday

THE DIFFICULT PART ABOUT TODAY

Today is Ben's 9th birthday. 

I carefully looked at his records again, as I have the past 3 years, to uncover any more details of his birth day that we don't know.  

There is no time of birth listed on the birth certificate, I don't have any labor and delivery notes to understand the hours before his birth, I don't have any notes on those immediate moments after the birth for what his parents' reactions were to his birth.  I don't know when it was first discovered that 1st day that Ben had Down syndrome.  I don't know when the decision was made that day by his parents that they would not keep him as their son.  I don't know if anyone celebrated his birth that day or if it was a very sad and solemn day because this little boy was not born in perfect health.  

What I do know is that my heart truly hurts for Ben's birth mother.  I think she was put in a very difficult situation that was heartbreaking and agonizing in ways we can't even imagine.  

I believe she loved that little baby in her womb for 9 months and was looking so forward to meeting him and spending the rest of her life with that precious life growing inside her.  But then, when it was determine he had Down syndrome, she faced the most gut-wrenching experience any mother could ever face.  

The world she lived in, in this Eastern European country, would not accept her son and would not support her if she accepted her son.  If she decided to parent Ben, she would face the loss of the family she already had, friends, and face her and her new son being ostracized from society.  The life she could offer little Ben looked bleak and hopeless.  

So she decided to let him go the orphanage in hopes that somehow, through a miracle, a family would take Ben and give him that life she felt incapable of offering to him.  She probably knew the chances were slim he would be adopted in-country.  She probably knew he most likely would go to a family in another country.  But even that wasn't very likely.  

Did she know what would happen if he wasn't adopted by 5 or 6 years old?  Did she know what life would be like in the orphanage?  I don't know how much information she had.  I do believe though with all my heart that she was faced with an extremely difficult situation and made the best choice she thought was available to her and her newborn son.  

I am saddened by this hurt and heartbreak and at the system that forced her to think of her son as not worthy and not worth having as her own child.

I pray that she has some comfort in her heart that Ben is with a family now.  I pray that her agony over giving him up can be lessened knowing he is loved and valued by us.  

If I could reach out to Ben's birth mom, I would like to give her a hug and tell her how thankful we are for the beautiful gift she gave our family.  I would like to share with her God's love for her and this precious little boy and tell her how God watched over him when she couldn't.  

This is a woman we will probably never meet, yet our lives are forever connected and intertwined.  

I hope and pray this woman can find some peace and comfort from our heavenly Father on what is probably a very difficult and heartbreaking day for her- the birthday of the son she was not able to keep.