SOMETHING I DIDN'T EXPECT

The past 8 days, Andrew and our 3 older kids have been on a mission trip through our church.  

For many reasons, our 2 little boys and I couldn't go on the trip, the biggest reason being the little boys: haha.  Actually, I'm not kidding- the sightseeing portion of the trip was a visit to the Grand Canyon.  I'm pretty sure that taking our boys to the edge of the Grand Canyon, especially our impulsive, fear-of-nothing little guy, would be the worst idea in the world!

This meant for the past 8 days, I have been solo parenting our two goofballs.  

I was very nervous about this week.  Watching our boys means being on constant alert because the boys do not have very good safety awareness.  Whatever their hearts desire is what they do without giving much thought to the consequences.  I was worried that me being on 24/7 alert without any help or backup would be awfully overwhelming.  What if one of them got hurt or sick on my watch? I also worried that if I would get sick or hurt (I am a bit clumsy), I wouldn't have any backup to fill in for me.  

So as much as I was thrilled that Andrew and the kids were able to go on this mission trip, I was very anxious about being alone with the boys.  I spent a lot of time praying for wisdom, protection, and patience this past week.  

And wouldn't you know?  God came through in an amazing way!  He surprised me!  Here are somethings I didn't expect to feel from my week alone with our dynamic duo:

1. Our boys are a lot of fun! I mean I knew they were fun, but I didn't expect to have so much fun with them in what I thought would be a stressful week of being all alone with them. But I really enjoyed hanging out with them.  Of course, they are exasperating at times, but aren't we all?  For the most part, Ben and Jonah are just cute and funny little boys who love to have play and have fun!  I think because I had less people to focus on in the house, I was able to really appreciate the boys and their cuteness.  

2. Our boys have a nice daily schedule which makes caring for them pretty easy.  

In the morning, Jonah attends our church's daycare to help keep the school experience fresh in his mind.  Jonah also loves to play with other kids so this is a nice time for him.  Since Ben has a little harder time socializing, I keep him home with me in the mornings.  This allows me to get some work done since one boy is easier to watch than 2 while trying to do chores.  It also let's me have some one-on-one school time with Ben.  This is nice because Ben is a bit further along than Jonah in math and reading so I can work on things that may not work with Jonah yet.  And having just Ben is good bonding time for him and I and our ever-evolving relationship.

In the afternoon, we had great swimming weather this week so we spent usually 1 hour in the pool.  The boys love swimming and playing in the water.  They have so much fun!  I don't mind hanging out in the pool with them because there are actually periods of time I can just float and relax because they are busy entertaining themselves in the pool.  

After pool time, we either had an activity to head to like horse riding or speech therapy.  Or I would give the boys some room time which is a nice time for all of us to regroup.  The boys each have their own room so this is nice play or rest time for them.  It's a time for me to get more chores done or, I confess, sit and read my book for a bit.

I would try to get some school time with both boys in the afternoon.  We are working through a 5K math workbook (number recognition, counting, adding and subracting) and a reading/phonics program.

Then we would play outside (bubbles, chalk, swing set, sandbox, etc), or I would read books to them.  The boys love having books read to them which I love to do so it's a win-win for all of us.

Then supper time.  

By 7:00, the boys are ready for bed because they are usually very tired after their busy active day. Our bedtime routine is to get PJs on and brush teeth and then cuddle and watch an episode of "The Middle".  They boys love this show!  I love this show also so it's another win-win for all of us.

Now here is a confession, I use TV during the day.  The TV, even if the boys aren't paying 100% attention to it, at least keeps the boys in the living room so I know where they are while I am getting ready, preparing meals, or doing other chores.  There might be some who would criticize me for allowing my boys to watch more than 1 hour of TV a day, but my theory is it's some TV time or my sanity...

So this schedule was very doable for me being all alone this week.

3.  And here is the most unexpected thing I learned from this past week:  I think the 2 boys are easier to care for sometimes than my teenage and young adult kids.  Probably because I can control the little boys better, they are cuddlier, and they like me better!  No seriously, I think what I realized is that I was less distracted/overwhelmed because I only had little kid issues to deal with this past week instead of big kid and little kid issues.  

So here this whole time, I was thinking it was our little boys who were making my life so hectic and crazy, and I think I discovered it's my older kids.

No seriously, I love my older kids with all my heart, and I love having them home.  But the next time I hear one of them complain that our house is crazy because of Ben and Jonah, I am going to smile to myself because I know the real source of crazy for our family...

Here's some additional proof of my "who makes our house crazy" theory:

 

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

Today Jonah's foster family held a reunion for all the babies they cared for over the years.  The oldest "baby" there today was 20 and the youngest was 4.  

This family cared for many babies over the years. It was so great to see them again.  We have visited over the years at events for our adoption agency, but never with Jonah, and we hadn't been to their house since visiting Jonah 9 years ago.  

When it was time for Jonah to leave the hospital at 5 days old, we brought him to this foster home through Bethany Christian Services, our adoption agency.  This was a hard decision to make, but because of some possible red flags, Bethany advised us to not bring Jonah right home from the hospital.  With having 3 children, we didn't want them getting too attached to Jonah if for some reason the adoption would fall through.  

Jonah's foster family was amazing!  We were so blessed and comforted leaving our precious bundle with this family.  Since we were also a foster family for Bethany, we knew this couple.  We had been through foster care classes with them, and us foster moms often helped and encouraged each other during difficult placements.  So even though we so wanted to have Jonah with us from the beginning, we were very happy that our friends would be caring for him until the Termination of Parental Rights hearing in three weeks. 

During those 3 weeks Jonah was in foster care, we would visit him about twice a week.  One time just Andrew and I would go, and the other time we would take Abigail, Stephen, and Lydia.  

We would visit Jonah for about 2 hours.  The joke was the little guy would sleep most the time we would be there.  If we were lucky, we would get him to open his eyes for a few minutes.  Sometimes we would even get a few sips of formula in him.  

NOTE: Jonah was very sleepy his first few weeks and wasn't the best eater.  He would tire easy and had a hard time coordinating breathing/swallowing. The foster mom was so concerned over this that she brought him to the doctor.  That led to a visit to Children's Hospital where Jonah was diagnosed with Laryngomalacia, floppy/excess tissue near the voice box.  90% of the time it clears up on its own which it did for Jonah.  So Jonah's time with the foster family was actually probably a bit stressful because of his eating and breathing issues.  What a great foster mom for sitting up so many nights just watching over Jonah to make sure he was breathing ok.  What love!

So even though our visits weren't filled with lots of activity from Jonah, we cherished every moment we could have with him those first 3 weeks.  

We are so grateful his foster family opened their home to us to visit.   

After 3 weeks in foster care, the hearing to terminate parental rights happened.  Even though it seemed like everything was going to go smoothly, we anxiously waited at the foster family's house to hear news from our social worker at the courthouse.  Finally the phone call came.  Parental rights had been terminated, and Jonah was now "unofficially" our son!  In six months, Jonah would officially become a our son when we appeared before the judge for the final phase of the adoption.  

Shortly after receiving the phone call, Jonah's birth family and our social worker arrived at the foster family's house.  This was a beautiful time to take photos of all us together and to have a placement ceremony.  During the placement ceremony, Jonah's birth mother placed Jonah in my arms as the social worker read some touching words about adoption.  This will remain one of the most meaningful moments of my life when Jonah was handed to me by his birth mom.  We are so grateful for this wonderful gift she gave us!

Many great and moving memories for us happened at Jonah's foster family. 

Driving to their house today, on roads I hadn't been on in 9 years, so many memories came flooding back to me.  I remember being so anxious to get their house so I could hold little Jonah.  The ride there always seemed to take forever.  I remember pulling into their yard and having to hold myself from just barging into their house without ringing the doorbell because I was so excited.  I remember sitting in their living room holding Jonah and watching the clock because I didn't want the visit to end, but I also didn't want to be a nuisance to the family.  I remember how hard it was to say good bye to Jonah when it was time for us to head home.  And I remember the tears I cried as we would drive away because I felt like part of my heart was being left behind.  I remember the anxiety of waiting for the phone call from the courthouse and the pure joy of driving home that same day with Jonah in our van, finally coming home with us!

All those feelings came back to me- what an incredible adventure little Jonah has been for us.  We didn't travel across the ocean for like we did for Ben, but his story is just as amazing.   

So today was a very special reunion!

Getting ready to leave the hospital 

and head to the foster home.

Jonah is 5 days old.

Visiting Jonah at 10 days old at his foster home

Jonah today at the reunion, almost 9 years old.

The funny thing about this last photo is Jonah was so excited when he saw this surf board.  Batman rides a surfboard in Season 3 of the 1960's show.  So Jonah is posed on this surfboard pretending he is Batman.  I think that was probably his favorite part of the reunion, besides the 2 hamburgers he ate!

ORPHANAGE "STUFF"

This is the orphanage where Ben spent 

his first 6 years of his life.

I don't think people always understand when we talk about the orphanage "stuff" that Ben deals with since becoming part of our family.  Being part of an orphanage is very different than being part of a family. 

In the orphanage, he probably needed some of his behaviors/approaches to life to help him survive and not be bullied or lost in the shuffle.  In the orphanage, he also probably got away with a lot of these behaviors because there were so many children to keep track of.  

In a family, Ben doesn't need to try and survive on his own.  We are here to love and care for him. We aren't going to let him be hurt or bullied by someone else in our home.  We aren't going to overlook or ignore him.  We also aren't going to let him get away with naughtiness.  We want Ben to be happy and have fun, but we also expect him to act appropriately and respectfully to those around him. 

The more time Ben is in our family, the less orphanage "stuff" we hope in he will need.    

Ben has made some amazing adjustments the past 3 years.  In fact, our difficult times with him are few and far between.  For the most part, Ben is a happy and fun little boy to be around.  

However, there are times the orphanage "stuff" rears its ugly head.  This is especially when he is having a difficult time (sad, scared, nervous, tired, sick).  During those difficult times, his behavior is often made even more complicated because he defaults to  some of the behavior he had to survive in the orphanage.  

What I am saying is that a naughty moment with Ben is way different usually than a naughty moment with Jonah because Ben has another layer added- he reacts from orphanage "instincts"- the need to be in control and determine the outcome because for 6 years, no one else ever looked out for him.  He was his own and only advocate.  

Of course, I don't have a degree in psychology, so I can't say that this is an accurate analysis for every child adopted from an orphanage.  But I do believe it's our reality with Ben.  

I also realize that some of Ben may just be his basic personality.  So I can't say every issue we have with him is related to his orphanage "stuff".  Ben has strengths and weaknesses in his personality just like I do and just like Jonah and the rest of us.  

But, I do truly believe that the orphanage "stuff" plays a big part in how Ben reacts to situations.  It's getting better, but it's still a factor.

So this is how I would describe Ben versus Jonah, or orphanage vs. no orphanage:

BEN: 

Overall demeanor around non-family= gruff

Naughtiness= angry, rude, defiant, bullying, loss of self control 

When confronted= not remorseful, hard to say "Sorry"

Nervous= naughty, rude, bullying  

Social situations (ie. VBS, library story time etc) 

or when people try to talk to him make Ben very nervous.  Interestingly, if Ben initiates the contact, he is usually very sweet (ahem...control)  

Scared/sad= mad, resistant to comfort

If Ben is VERY scared/sad, he will also resist comfort and tends to hide in a corner and silently cry.  

This is most heart-breaking to see.

Jealous (attention, toys)= naughty, rude, bullying

Happy= fun but sometimes hyper

Tired= weepy and sad, sometimes defiant

Sick= resistant to comfort

JONAH: 

Overall demeanor around non-family= sweet

Naughtiness= stubborn, defiant, loss of self-control

When confronted= usually remorseful, easy to say "Sorry"

Nervous = rarely exhibits this emotion.  Jonah usually loves social situations and loves talking to people.

Scared/sad= cuddly

Jealous= rarely exhibits this emotion, but when he does, he gets angry/stubborn/rude

Happy= fun but sometimes gets hyper

Tired= loss of self control

Sick= very cuddly

Actually, with both boys, I often wish the Lord would give me a detailed analysis during difficult  behavior with the boys.  I would like a reading of what percent of our problem is due to behaviors common to DS versus what is a personality issue, and of course with Ben, the orphanage "stuff".  That sure would make things easier.  I'm guessing God isn't going to provide me with that...:)

WORTH REPEATING EVEN 3 YEARS LATER

7-15-10

Ben arrives at the orphanage as an orphan

7-15-16

Ben leaves the orphanage as our SON!

EXACTLY 6 YEARS TO THE DATE: 

ONLY GOD COULD DO!

Ben arrived at the orphanage at 3 weeks old on 
7-15-10.  Our court hearing in Vilnius was on 
7-15-16, six years to the day he arrived at the orphanage.  

Our incredible Lithuanian attorney, Reda, discovered this amazing "coincidence" the night before our hearing as she was making final preparations.  She decided to use this as part of her argument before the judge, hoping to convey to the judge that Ben had waited SIX YEARS- too long for a family.  

What Reda was hoping was that this interesting fact about  July 15th would convince the judge to make her decision quickly, in 1-2 days  rather than make us wait 1-2 weeks or even worse, come back in a month.

Little did we know how the Lord was going to work!

The judge was really moved by the 7-15 "coincidence".  So moved, that when all testimony had been presented at the hearing, the judge announced she would have her decision in 1 HOUR!  This is unheard of!  

Usually the surprise is when the judge announces the decision in 1-2 days.  Reda never heard of a decision in 1 hour.  We were all stunned by this judge's pronouncement.

This judge saw an opportunity to make a big difference in one orphan's life.  One hour after our hearing, the judge called us back in courtroom to announce the adoption had been granted.  She was so moved by Reda's testimony that this judge felt she had to grant the adoption on the same day as the hearing. 

So on 7-15-10, Ben came as a new orphan to the orphanage.  Six years later, on 7-15-16, Be left that orphanage as our SON.  How precious is that? 

I called this a "coincidence" in quotes because I know with all my heart that only God could have orchestrated such amazing timing in our little Ben's life.  

3 YEARS AGO

On Friday, 7-8-16, Andrew and I took off from Chicago O'Hare, not really knowing how long we would be in Lithuania.  We also weren't 100% sure we would be returning with Ben.  The Lithuanian judge could deny the adoption completely or postpone and require a 2nd visit for us due to more investigation/processing needed.  

So it was with hopeful but anxious hearts that we boarded that plane 3 years ago...leaving our other 4 children home, something we had never done before. 

Waiting at O'Hare

Stopover in Frankfurt

Our first glimpse of Ben EVER through the doorway into his groupa's room- so surreal and amazing! When we walked in the room, he came running to us saying "Mama, Dada."  He was ready:)

We got to visit Ben on Saturday, 7-9-16, the day we arrived in Vilnius.  Pleasant surprise!  We thought we would have to wait until Sunday.  

Flashback to the past, John Denver's song 

"Leaving on a Jetplane"

FIVE BELOW FUN

Five Below is a new store opening soon in the city near us.  I have never been to one of these stores.  Everything in the store is under $5- could be interesting to check it out.

The boys are having some five below fun themselves this summer.  Since June was so cold, we don't have our pool up and running yet.  

So we have been having summer water fun the old fashioned way: sprinklers, water wands ($.97 each), hoses, buckets full of water, 

paint brushes, and paint rollers.  

In others words, pretty cheap- definitely below $5!

Here are some photos showing their cheap fun!

Please note how Ben always manages to stay dry and Jonah is soaked...

FIRM FOOTING

Great thought for the day that we should be firmly footed in our Lord.

However, on a more practical note, orthotics help our kiddos with Down syndrome be more firmly footed on day to day basis!

Ben with his old orthotics, soon to be replaced

"Down syndrome is a genetic disorder that can affect many different parts of the body. An extra part or whole Chromosome 21 is the cause of Down syndrome. It is the most common chromosomal abnormality. This syndrome can affect the heart, the brain, the hormone system and the skeleton. Most children with Down syndrome have some form of developmental delay. Down syndrome can affect a patient’s bones and joints. Patients have loose ligaments and low muscle tone..."

http://orthokids.org/Condition/Down-Syndrome

Both boys have orthotics for their shoes.  Jonah has had them since he was a baby.  Ben, being in an orphanage for his first 6 years, just started with orthotics when he came home to us.  

Both boys need orthotics because they overpronate or walk on the inside of their feet.  The orthotics help support the ankle and keep their feet in the normal position.  Ben suffers from this condition more than Jonah because of lack of early intervention.

So yesterday the boys got refitted for updated orthotics.  

Another issue to be aware and proactive about for our kiddos!

For more information: 

Walking and Wheeling orthotics info

Overpronation

Ortho Issues and Down syndrome