IT KEEPS GETTING MORE OFFICIAL!

This is Ben in front of our county courthouse.  We filed his readoption paperwork last week.  This will allow Ben to have a WI birth certificate.  The state now does readoption by just filing this paperwork instead of requiring a hearing before the judge. Much easier and less expensive (no attorney needed).  

So Ben is an official US Citizen now- we have his citizenship papers and will soon have a US birth certificate.  

The only other thing needed would be a US passport- not sure if we will do that or not.  I don't anticipate much international travel for us in the future.  

In regards to school, Ben's IEP meeting is tomorrow. We are excited to get an official plan in place for school hours and therapies for Ben!

MY OBSERVATIONS OF BEN OVER PAST 3 MONTHS

This blog serves two purposes.

First, it records our adoption journeys, both of Ben (2016) and Jonah (2010).  Hopefully, someday, it will be a beautiful gift for all our children to read and remember the Lord's beautiful work in forming our family.  

Second, it hopefully encourages families to adopt a child with Down syndrome.  Part of that encouragement, I believe, is informing families what an adoption journey may all involve- to be truthful and honest about some of the difficulties that are involved in adopting.  This honesty is not meant to scare families but rather to help them prepare. 

So with that in mind, I am sharing my observation of Ben over the our first 3 months with him - August, September and October. We have come to know his incredible strengths along with some of his weaknesses.  

Do we completely know Ben yet?  I don't think so because it's only been 3 months.   We have only just begun, but what a beautiful beginning it has been!

October 2016

BEN'S STRENGTHS

1. Very bright

2. Very verbal

3. Understanding English quickly

4. Easy transitions

5. Social and outgoing

6. Able to entertain himself easily

7. Behaves well in a group setting

9. Figures out how things work: vacuum cleaner, CD player etc

10. Personal care- bathroom and dressing

11. Easily redirected most times

12. Shows appropriate affection to mostly the primary people in his life rather than just random strangers

13. Seems to be bonding with all 6 of us as well as Grandpa & Grandma and aunties

BEN'S WEAKNESSES

Cognitive

1. Not much interest in toys or playing creatively

2. Not much interest in being read to

3. Patterns- working on A-B-A-B patterns so far

4. Number recognition (haven't worked on letter recognition yet, just letter sounds)

Gross Motor

1. Running

2. Balance- can seem unsteady especially when climbing stairs

3. Motor planning- in certain things, such as getting in/out stroller, he can't figure out how to position his body

4. Very stiff body when being held or picked up

Fine Motor

1. holding pencil, crayon etc.

2. using scissors

3. handwriting and coloring

Behavioral

I think most of these behaviors are a result of being in an orphange for all his life.  The good news about this list is I am seeing a softening of these behaviors.  They are still there, but seem to be less intense.  I think, in time, we will work through most of them.

1. Anger rather than remorse when reprimanded-as of late, showing a fist to us

2. Inappropriate licking (floor, walls, countertops, etc) especially when reprimanded

3. Thumbsucking

4. Lots of waving an object in front of his face for long periods of time- will choose to do this over playing with toys- stimming?  In the adoption world, this seems like it is a common orphanage behavior.

5. Self-rocking almost to the point of head banging when putting himself to sleep

6. Very resistant to personal touch for combing hair, washing face, nail care etc.

7. Likes to be in charge

8. Lying- blames Jonah for everything

9. Food issues- while Ben eats veges and fruit quite freely, he doesn't like most of the main dishes we eat for our meals.  He will only eat yogurt and granola bar for breakfast, and pizza, mashed potatoes, wild rice, and chicken sausage for lunch and supper.  Not sure if this is a control issue or not…

A WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD

Our in country adoption facilitator, Silva, posted this photo this morning on Facebook.  This is what she woke up to in Lithuania this morning.  

In contrast, today in Wisconsin we enjoyed 70 degree weather!

I thought this contrast in weather was very symbolic of Ben's life over these past 3 months.  He is living in a whole different world since arriving home with us on 7-21.  He is with new people, new place to live, new foods, new smells, new routines, new everything.  Sometimes I try to imagine what he must be thinking as he processes all the changes that have happened to him.  

As much fun as he had today playing outside in the leaves, enjoying the beautiful weather, I am sure he would have had fun playing in the snow if he were still over there.  This is a reminder to me that there are probably times he misses his old life, not because it was better but because it was comfortable and what he had had known all his life.  

He is doing amazing, but I can't let that make me forget how much he has had to adjust to.  I am very proud of little Ben!  He is a brave boy!  

Here is a picture of that amazing boy in his Halloween costume this week.

NOT WHAT I ALWAYS EXPECT

I was reminded this morning that Jonah's learning doesn't always look like I expect it to.

On Monday night at IFIT, the special needs ministry in our community, Jonah had a hard time paying attention and staying with the group.  I wasn't sure if he got anything out of the Bible story which was about creation.

This morning, Jonah woke up very early playing.  I found him acting out the creation story using his Little People and his story book as his guide.  If you look very closely, you will see "Adam and Eve" in the middle of the animals.

I thought he wasn't listening and learning Monday night, but he was- just in his "Jonah" way.  A good reminder to me that it's not always what I expect it to look like.

END OF AN ERA

It is with sad hearts that we have recently told Bethany Christian Services that we no longer can be an interim foster family for them anymore.  

We have been providing care to newborns awaiting adoption since 2008.  Over those 8 years, we have had 15 placements.  

I wish I was able to share photos of these 15 beautiful babies because all of them have been super sweet and cute, trust me!

Having the 2 little boys, along with 3 older kids, we realize that it would just be too hard for our family to take on the care of a newborn with all of our other commitments.

We have absolutely loved being a foster family, probably me most of all.  I love having a baby in the house.  

The reason we became a foster family for Bethany was 1) our love of babies, and 2) we wanted to help support birth moms in their decision to choose life for their child, whether they decided to parent or place for adoption.  If we claim to be pro-life, then we believe our actions must show we are pro-life.

Over the 15 placements, I kept a journal where I shared memories of each baby and what the placement taught our family.  Because believe me, we were blessed in our faith through each of these 15 experiences.  Here is what foster care has meant to our family:

1.  Love knows no boundaries- we realized that we could love a child who wasn't ours.  In hindsight, we see the Lord was planting the seed for adoption in hearts back in 2008.

2. God sees possibilities we may not even realize.  God has a plan for these precious children.  We must help support and encourage birth moms to choose life! 

3. Adoption isn't just for families who can't have biological children.  We had never thought of it that way before- again another seed being planted.

4. When one door closes, another door opens.  We had planned on getting a placement which fell through at the last minute.  This was disappointing to us.  Within a day or two, we got a call for another placement which did happen.  You never know...

5. Our 5th baby was a baby with DS- this baby opened our hearts to adopting a child with DS.  When she left, even though she was going to a wonderful adoptive family, our hearts were broken.  We missed her so much, more than usual.  Again God was moving in our hearts and minds, showing us our family was not complete

6. All you can do is trust in the Lord when an adoption falls through, and you see the pain it causes the adoptive family.

7. Sometimes God blesses us with a beautiful gift without any complications or drama.  This placement went exactly as planned which is very unusual.  We just were able to enjoy this baby with no worries about how things would work out.

8.   This was our first placement after Jonah's adoption.  In our placements before Jonah, I always struggled with saying goodbye and having that nagging feeling that we should be adopting.  Now that we had Jonah, I had more of a peace when it was time to say goodbye to the little one.  Interesting to see how God worked in our hearts to lead us to Jonah.

9.  All of us go through a learning curve with our children.  It takes time to learn how to care for a baby, and as I am experiencing now, it takes time to figure out teenagers too.

10. Be understanding when an adoptive family promises to keep us updated and doesn't.  They probably don't mean it personally, they just are really busy.

11. This was one of our hardest placements.  The reality of foster care is we choose the pain of saying good bye to the little one in order to gain the benefits of having had the little one.

12.  Foster care isn't about my feelings.  It is about the best interests of the baby, birth parents, and adoptive parents.  We learned the very hard skill of selflessness.

13.  Insight into the agonizing decision a birth mom makes when deciding about parenting or adoption.  We must never minimize that when we look at the adoption process.

14.  God's way is the best way.  God intended babies to come into a loving home with a married mom and dad.  When we go against this plan, it brings heart ache.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, but don't forget it comes at the cost of pain for the birth parents.  

15.  God's timing is best.  We were in the middle of a huge delay in our adoption of Ben.  God blessed us with this 3 month placement which was a great way to keep me occupied and busy.   Little did I know this would be our last placement....

Giving foster care up is something I don't want to do, but I know we must do.  It was an incredible and precious season of our life that I will never forget. 

Thank you Lord for the honor and privilege of caring for these 15 precious babies.  

EVEN MORE!

As if our hearts weren't blessed enough by Ben's baptism, Jonah had an amazing moment in church yesterday also.

The 5K Sunday school class for the boys said their memory verse to the congregation.  Ben didn't want to go up on stage, he had "performed" enough with the baptism.  But our little Jonah was ready and willing!  He did a great job!  We are very proud of him.  

Thank you to his amazing teachers for using sign language so Jonah could participate.

BEN'S BAPTISM

Yesterday we had the privilege of having Ben baptized at our church.  My dad was able to be the elder to stand up with our family.  Our other 4 children were able to be there to watch (Abigail came home from college, yeah!) as well as my family.  So sweet to have so many people come around and share this moment with Ben.

Honestly, I was very worried about how yesterday would go.  With 2 boys with Down syndrome, I never know how they will act especially in public.  If they do misbehave, it often means just throwing in the towel, giving up and going home.  This is especially true of our little Jonah because when he goes off the rails, it is usually a meltdown you just have to suffer through and then regroup when its done.  

So it was with great trepidation that I tried my best to prepare the little boys for what was going to happen in church on Sunday.  Ben and I met with Pastor Al to go through a "walk through" of baptism.  I made a baptism social story that we went over each day this past week.  And throughout the week, I asked the Lord to bless this baptism and help both boys behave.  My concern about Ben was that he would not tolerate the water on his forehead.  My concern for Jonah was that he would throw a fit because he would want to be baptized too.  

Well the Lord blessed us in huge ways yesterday- beyond what I could have ever imagined!

The boys were very well behaved, but even more than that was the beautiful moments that transpired during the baptism.  

First, during the baptism, Jonah sat up front with the other children in church as part of the children's message.  On baptism days, the kids get to have a front row seat to the baptism.  Jonah sat by two little girls who are classmates of his in 5K.  These two girls were little mother hens to our Jonah.  One put her arm around him and kept telling him it was ok, and the other patted him on the hand and leg and gave him encouragement.  This helped keep Jonah to sit still and not interrupt the baptism.  It was a precious show of love and care by these 2 little girls for their new friend Jonah.  Thank you Lord!

In regards to Ben, as Pastor Al placed his hand and water on his forehead, little Ben had such a look of joy- like he knew this was a very special moment of the family of God welcoming him to the fold. Then Pastor Al took Ben's hand and walked him around the sanctuary to introduce him to the congregation,  This happened as the song "Not for a Moment" was being sung.  We had requested this song because it has such special meaning to us about Ben being under God's constant love and care during the first 6 years of his life as he waited for a family.  Ben walked with Pastor Al with a smile on his face, waving to the people in the pews.  To me, it looked like genuine happiness on his part.  

Then the moment that only could have been orchestrated by the Lord,  When Pastor Al returned Ben to our pew, Ben came and hugged and kissed Andrew, me, his Grandpa, and then moved to the next pew and did the same to Abigail, Stephen, and Lydia.  He knows he belongs to us, we are his family and he loves us!  There weren't many dry eyes yesterday morning in church as people observed Ben acknowledging us as his family!  It was one of the most beautiful precious moments I have ever been part of.  What a privilege and joy for our family!

I cannot say enough of a thank you to the Lord for blessing us in such a special way yesterday.  During this period of adjusting to having Ben in our family, we sometimes go through moments where we wonder if we are doing right by our other kids because we now have the added responsibility of Ben.  Andrew and I had just had one of those difficult heartfelt conversations on Saturday, asking the Lord for wisdom and guidance in helping our new family of 7.  Then the Lord gave us this huge show of validation yesterday- Ben is meant to be in our family, there is no doubt about it.  It doesn't mean it will always be easy, but it will be worth it.  

Yesterday was too amazing of a day to not share- thank you Lord for what you did!  

Along with the celebration of Ben's baptism, we also celebrated our niece Melanie's 18th birthday.  

A very special and fun day indeed!