Provide independent apartments and community homes within a supportive wraparound neighborhood where adults with autism and others with similar intellectual & developmental disabilities have purpose through living and engaging with others.
When we were thinking about adopting a child with special needs (over 15 years ago now!), one thing some people mentioned to us was that it would mean lifetime parenting.
Yes, because our boys both have Down syndrome, we will most likely be involved in most aspects of their personal lives for the rest of our lives. This can feel overwhelming at times for many reasons: lack of our own personal freedom in our older years but also worries about who will care for our kiddos when we are gone.
It's true these concerns are not present with our kids without special needs. With typical adult children, they can manage their lives on their own with parents playing the role of advisor and encourager.
At least that's what our older kids think. They think we as parents can just calmly sit back and watch our kiddos embark on life on their own with no worries or concerns on our part because our job as their primary caretaker is now over.
No. Way. Yes, that's how we try to present, but realistically most parents of older kids have to work really hard to let go, step back, and not have an anxiety attack-haha.
In other words, I think all parents are lifetime parents because we never stop loving and caring about our kids no matter how old they are.
This week I was bombarded with some great resources about parenting older kids which I would like to share:
So in the end, I believe there is the challenge of lifetime parenting for all of our kids. It just looks a little different depending on the kiddo:
1. Special Needs: they will always need me but I might not always be there for them
2. Typical: they will not always need me but it's hard to not always be there for them
At the beginning of the 2nd semester, Jonah, on his own, composed a note to his choir teacher asking her if the choir could sing a Beatles song.
She very nicely agreed!
At the spring concert the other week, the combined 7th-12th grade choirs along with the audience performed "Let It Be".
Jonah, who can get stage fright, powered through his nerves and started singing a few moments into the song.
Ben, who either also gets stage fright or just doesn't like to sing :), was impressive because he sang through the entire song. Good job, Ben!
And now without further ado...
Here are some observations of Ben these past few days:
1. During the children's message at church on Sunday, Ben was almost successful in leading the entire congregation in clapping for me. When the question was asked "What do you love about your mom", Ben raised his hand. When it was his turn, he made a heart sign to me and then waved his hands for everyone to join in him in a ovation to me. What. A. Charmer.
2. Last night at the boys' choral concert, Ben sang thru most of the songs. This is a huge improvement from past concerts where he usually looked a little stage shocked and just stood there. Good for him overcoming his nervousness and joining the performance!
3. Previous blog of how Ben tricked me with the mouthwash!
These 3 observations showed me the resilience of Ben- he's always thinking how to promote himself to others and also has great determination to be the best he can be.
This reminded me of a hilarious story from a photo we received of Ben before we adopted him in 2016.
The past few days, I've been noticing the mouthwash bottle for Ben (Jonah can't have mouthwash because he swallows it) is filled to the top so that when you open it, you have a major spill of mouthwash down the side of the bottle and onto the bathroom counter.
Since Jonah is always doing "Home Alone" traps and tricks in the morning while getting ready, I figured he was the culprit. So for the past few days, I have been scolding the kid to stop adding water to the mouthwash.
But today it happened again. So I confronted Jonah if he had been playing with the mouthwash again, and he confessed. So he got scolded again. I cleaned up the mess, and we continued on with getting both Ben and Jonah ready for the day, with me keeping a VERY close eye on Jonah so that he didn't do anything else mischievous.
After the boys were at school, I went back into the bathroom to give it my daily wipe down clean. I noticed the mouthwash bottle was filled to the top again. It was then I realized my culprit was not Jonah (because I had my eye on him since cleaning up the 1st mess this morning), but rather my culprit was Ben- who I had not watched closely after cleaning up the first mess.
Which means for these past few days, Ben has been sitting smugly and watching his brother take the rap for something that he was guilty of...
Well played Ben, well played. After 26 years, I can still be fooled. You'd think my accuracy level would be at 100% after all these years, but I still goof up.
Sad that Jonah confessed to something he didn't do- that's a whole other rabbit hole to think about I guess.
Oh well, today after school I will have an interesting conversation with Ben. I wonder what is reaction will be when he finds out I figured out his deception...
These boys keep me on my toes!
Andrew did an amazing job of getting all the kids around for a wonderful weekend together. He also took us out to a delicious brunch and arranged to have a family photo session at the beach! I have been wanting to update this family photo for years, and now it's finally been done!
It was a great day- I felt very loved by my husband and kids. This song pretty much sums help my feelings about every day as a mother!
