After many hours of flying, we finally met up with Silva at the Vilnius airport. Meeting her face to face was so unreal. We had emailed back and forth often and skyped 1-2 times, but to actually be with her in person was so exciting. She had this big smile on her face filled with so much hope and excitement for us!
Of course, being tired from the travel and very nervous and anxious about meeting Ben, a lot of this first day in country is a blur to me.
Silva brought us to our apartment which was very nice and clean. What a blessing to have such a nice place to call home for the next 2 weeks. Then she "ordered" us to shower and rest, and she would be back at 4 to bring us to the orphanage to meet Ben for the first time!
Our apartment
If this day had only included meeting Silva, it would still have been an amazing and memorable day, but the fact we got to meet Ben after only a few hours of landing in Vilnius was beyond words.
The drive to the orphanage was full of emotions and so many questions: would he recognize us? would we recognize him? would he like us? would we feel comfortable with him? how would we interact with him? would the language barrier make things very difficult? what would he be like? what would his verbal skills be like? his motor skills? his personality? would he be detached and distant? would he be present and engaged? So many questions...
When I think about, it's not like I knew my 3 biological children before they were born. Yes, I carried them inside of me for 9 mths and felt them kicking and moving, but I had no idea what their personalities, looks, or abilities would be. And we met Jonah on his birth day, but had no idea what the future held for him either.
But for some reason, this adoption which included finding out about Ben online, and then traveling 5000 miles to meet the boy we were calling our son, when we had only read a file about him and seen photos of him, seemed so outrageous to me! This was outside the box for me, definitely!
Pulling up to the orphanage brought a whole new level of reality to me. This was where our little boy had lived since 3 weeks old. No family to love on him. No family to visit him except for a few visits his first year according to his file. No one interested in adopting him. The walls of this orphanage were Ben's home without it being anything like a home a child needs and deserves.
The baby room where Ben first came at 3 weeks old
Ben left the orphanage at 2 years old to go the hospital for OPEN HEART SURGERY. He certainly had nurses caring for him, but no one was there for him constantly, waiting for him to come out of surgery, sleeping by his bedside in the days of recovery to make sure he was never alone. He went through major surgery and recovery all by himself! I can't even imagine.
Over the years, he watched children in his "groupa" meet their families and leave the orphanage to go home. He watched children in his group leave and never come back because it was time for them to be transferred to the mental institution.
Then one day, Silva spoke the precious words to him that there was a mama and dada for him, and I think, knowing how bright Ben is, he understand his turn had finally come! This boy lives with great determination and a will to survive. All his waiting and enduring was finally paying off- he was going to get a family! He was finally getting his mama and dada! NO MORE WAITING!
Driving up to the orphanage for the 1st time and walking through the gate.
My heart was beating so fast walking up the steps to Ben's floor. I am sure Silva was giving us a tour of the orphanage as we walked, but I don't remember one thing she said. I never did figure my way around that building! It was huge with many hallways going many different places.
Entering the hallway for Ben's group
Then we were standing by the door to his group and looking through the little window in the door. We saw Ben eating with his friends at a small table in the main playroom. I think it was snack time. I was looking at Ben for the first time! My life was never going to be the same and neither was his once we opened that door and walked in that room. We just paused and observed for a minute, so anxious to go in but also wanting time to stand still so we could soak it all in.
Our 1st glimpse of Ben through the window in the door!
Then we opened the door, and Ben yelled, "Mama, Dada" and came running to us. He knew it was us! He had a big smile on his face. He hugged me! He was so happy!
My 1st photo with my new son!
I do realize that his happiness was probably somewhat related to the fact he was finally the one getting a visitor and some special attention :) He may not have grasped the complete depth of what was really happening, but I like to think at some level he understood it was finally his turn to have a family....
He seemed bigger to me than he did in the photos. He was way more verbal and interactive than I expected. I remember thinking to myself how bright and smart this little boy was. He didn't miss a thing.
Ben came up with a silly game of telling Andrew what leaves to knock off the trees with the broom he had found. Oh dear, that was introduction to our Lithuanian lieutenant! He definitely likes to be in charge!
The "leaf game"
Silva's presence during our first few visits was so helpful and reassuring!
It was a good first visit. To say I felt immediate bonding and love would not be true. Not because I had deep concerns or 2nd thoughts about Ben or anything, but probably because it is a lot to process all at once, and I was very tired. But it was a good visit. We had fun, and it seemed like he had fun with us.
But most of all, it was the realization that we had the privilege of being part of an amazing plan that God had been working before this little boy was even born on 6-21-10. God had his hand of protection over Ben from his time even in his mother's womb. God knew that somehow Ben's life in Lithuania would somehow get joined with our life in a small town in Wisconsin. God was working behind the scenes before we knew there was a Ben. I am in still in awe that God allowed us to be part of something so awesome! God brought us to Ben! Thank you Lord for such a wonderful gift!
Happy One Year Anniversary of our Metcha Day, Benjamin Kostas! You just keep getting cuter and sweeter!
in eyes that wasn't there before...
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