BRINGING BEN HOME: OUR TRIP TO LITHUANIA

Finally:
7-8 THRU 7-21-16

Friday, 7-8

 We left at 9 a.m. in the morning from CG.  We said good bye to the 3 older kids at home then went to drop off Jonah by Jane.  Once I got in the car heading to Chicago, I was crying quite a bit.  I was so sad about leaving the kids, I was very scared about flying, and I was very apprehensive about the adoption.  Suddenly the idea of Ben was becoming a reality.  Did we really know what we were doing?

We got to O'Hare Airport at about noon.  The Luftansa desk didn't open for check in until 12:45 so we just had to sit and wait.  Once we checked in, the security checks went very quickly.  We were able to buy some lunch and then settle in and wait until our flight left at 4.  Again, I was very apprehensive about the flights- pretty much convinced we were going to crash…  So I actually was pretty tearful the entire afternoon at the airport.

Once on board the plane, the tears really started to come.  The 2 young men seated next to us must have thought I was a basket case.  Between fits of crying and hot flashes, it was a long 8 hour flight for all of us- me, Andrew, and our seat mates!

 Luftansa check in at O'Hare

 My carry on contained underwear for Ben...funny!

Saturday, 7-9

We landed in Frankfurt and were able to check in back home using Text Now.  Very grateful for the gift of modern technology and communication during this entire trip!

The flight from Frankfurt to Vilnius was on time, and Silva was waiting for us at the baggage area.  So exciting to see her in person after all this time.

I was soooo relieved to have our flights done with, and we were safely in Vilnius!

Silva brought us to our apartment which was VERY NICE.  She wanted us to have time to shower and rest and then she would be pick us up at 4 to go to the orphanage to meet Ben for the first time!  How exciting!!!!!

 Our apartment: VERY NICE!

Our view out our apartment window

Saturday, 7-9: late afternoon-evening

Our 1st visit with Ben! 

Note, we called him Kostas for the entire first week as we visited him at the orphanage.  Once he came to live with us at the apartment on 7-15, we started to call him Benjamin Kostas more.  It wasn't until we got home to CG that we started to just use Ben or Benjamin.  It took probably about 1-2 weeks for him to get use to his new name, Ben.

Seeing Ben for the first time was just so surreal.  For years, we have only seen photos of him and some videos, and then all of a sudden he is right there before us.  He came running to us, very excited, "Mama, Dada" he yelled.  Once in a lifetime experience!

We played outside with him.  He wanted Andrew to take the broom and hit certain leaves, at his direction, with the broom.

Both of us were very amazed with how verbal and bright Ben is. 

After our visit, Silva went out to eat with us.  I was pretty much in a daze because of being awake since Friday morning- I never did sleep much on the plane rides.  I don't remember much about this evening.

I woke up at about 3 am, very homesick.  Woke up and had a time of prayer, asking the Lord to give me strength to make it through this time of being away from the 4 kids. 

Our 1st view of the orphanage

"The Leaf Game"

So nice to have Silva there to help us understand and get to know Ben.

Isn't he cute???

Sunday, 7-10

We played in the ball pit room.  Ben also wanted to move the playhouse around the room.  He used the word "Cartu" which means together. 

After we got home from the orphanage around noon, we had the rest of the day to sight see.  This was a very fun day, despite my homesickness.  We toured many churches, President's palace, park for Ben, and the hill of 3 crosses. 

Look closely: Ben is really in there!

 SO many BEAUTIFUL churches to tour!

We are not Catholic, but we think we figured this out that this is St. Anthony, Patron Saint of the Lost.  This really resonated with us as we thought about how the Lord watched over our little lost boy and found him a family after 6 years in the orphanage. 

 Hill of Three Crosses 

State Cathedral

Security Check in at the Presidential Palace: very different from the White House security

Monday, 7-11: morning

This morning's orphanage visit was with Reda.  What a character!  

Ben was running a fever.  He was not very playful or talkative.  We spent a lot of time with him just laying on the mattress and us sitting by him.  He did like when I rubbed his back and arm to help soothe him.

Reda, our incredible attorney!

Monday, 7-11: late afternoon

When we came back in the late afternoon, his temperature was normal, and he was much more playful.  We played piano together- he loved when I would sing and play "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and other nursery rhymes. 

Then we played catch for almost an hour.  He learned to say "Ball".

The baby drop box at the orphanage.  2 babies were left over the weekend.  If you haven't watched the movie "Drop Box", please do.  Very wonderful and awe-inspiring movie!

Tuesday, 7-12: morning

Ben ran a fever during the night but not in the morning.  Still, his immigration physical was postponed until Thursday. 

We played with his care package toys and blocks.  He learned to say 1-2-3 before knocking the tower over.  We also spent time looking at our family photo album. 

When we arrived, we saw Ben up at the window waving at us and motioning us to come in.  Then when we did finally get inside, he was very excited to see us- huge hugs and kisses.  He also introduced as "Mama and Dada" to his caretakers.  He has waited soooo long to be able to do this, sweet boy!

Tuesday, 7-12: late afternoon

On our way back to orphanage, we got to see the hospital where Ben was born.

At the orphanage, we played in the ball pit.  Ben got a little hyper at the end, probably because of boredom- 2 hours in the ball pit- and hunger. 

The end of our visit was hard.  He threw a ball and knocked a clock off the wall.  He immediately went and sat on chair like he was being punished.  Then he just shut down on us and wouldn't smile at us or anything.  He started sucking his thumb.  Social worker thought 2 things happening 1) fear of being yelled at hard like what happens with caregivers and 2) fear of us rejecting him because he did something wrong.  So sad, what lack of family does to a child.

Right before we left, Andrew tried one more time and Ben did give him kiss, but he still looked sad.  Hopefully he learns to keep trusting us each time we show up again.

Hospital where Ben was born and spent his 1st 3 weeks there before going to orphanage.  

Wednesday, 7-13: morning

Good visit- played in the music room.  Ben remembered "ball" and "1-2-3" on his own.

Andrew and I played alone about 30 minutes while I got to visit the baby room.  I met Sophie!  Sophie is available for adoption!

I got to spend about 30 minutes with Sophie.  When I first saw her, she was having her diaper changed.  Then Silva cuddled with her for a bit until we got back to the playroom.  Then I got to cuddle with her!

I held her over my shoulder and rocked back and forth.  She started to get very relaxed, almost like she would sleep.  Then the caregivers brought the baby cereal in and started feeding the babies 1x1.  Sophie picked up on this right away and wanted out of my arms so she could get on the floor and crawl over to be fed.

Unfortunately it wasn't her turn yet, but I was able to distract her by playing with toys on the floor with her.   Her crawling seemed to be a combo of the traditional crawl with some moving along on her tummy.  She did seem pretty steady sitting up.

I did watch her get fed.  The caregivers use a TBSP to feed the babies which seems very big to me.  The kiddos get big spoonfuls very quickly, one after the other.  I guess they need to feed fast.  Sophie seemed to have to gulp her food down, but she did seem to enjoy it.

Then I played on the floor for a bit with her again.  There was a mattress on the floor which she climbed on and off to get toys.  Her coordination seemed quite good.

She was very engaging- smiled and interacted with me.  She is soooo cute.  I could have easily "snuck" her home with us!

Besides the privilege of meeting this very special little girl, I appreciated having this time with her because it gave me some insight into what Ben's life was like when he was this age at the orphanage.  This is how he would have been diapered, fed, and played with.  I hope if anyone ever visited him in the baby room, they were excited to love on him and thought he was super cute too.

 This was quite the outfit Ben had on today!

Because we didn't know Ben's shoe size exactly, we just brought these cheap shoes from Walmart for him this week until we had Ben home to be fitted for really good shoes.  However, Ben reacted to these cheap shoes as if we had given him the most expensive shoes ever.  So sweet and humble.

Wednesday, 7-13: late afternoon

During our break from the orphanage, we met with Reda to prepare for court hearing.  Very good meeting.  I am feeling very at peace with the process.  Homesickness is getting better.  God is good!

Good visit in the late afternoon until the end.  I was trying to fix Ben's collar, and he swatted at me and possibly tried to bite me.  Then when we returned to his room, he yelled very loud at Andrew when Andrew tried to take him to the bathroom.  This does have us a bit worried about how we will be able to handle him on our own….

When I told Silva about the possible biting, she was very calm and just told me not to put shirts on him that need the collar fixed…good advice when you think about it.

Thursday, 7-14: morning

Played outside, tried out the stroller.  Then went to immigration doctor appointment.  Ben did pretty good at the appointment.

On our way to immigration physical

Thursday, 7-14: late afternoon

Spent time with all the kids in Ben's room, giving special treats and toys to the children.  We had brought toothbrushes, coloring books, crayons etc from home, and then Reda helped us shopping for special fruit and other treats etc for the kids.  The odd thing was we gave the fruit to the caregivers to cut up which they did, but then they didn't really let the kids try the fruit- unless they did it after we left the room…whatever.

This time with the group was not easy.  Ben is in a very rough and sad group of kids to be around. 

There is a lot of yelling and screaming.  It just doesn't seem like the most pleasant room to spend time in.  Many of the children suffer from FAS in a very severe form.  These kids tend to scream and not be able to self-soothe.  This group of kids also seemed like they didn't interact much socially with one another.  We saw a lot of fighting over the few toys that were available to the kids, but not a lot of fun playful interaction.  Our observation for Ben was that he was rather lonely even if he was in a group of kids. 

Of course, we also found out the past year, Ben had to move groups, and so he had some new caregivers as well as new children.  Some kids in  his old group had either been adopted or sent to the institution.  So Ben may have had more friends in his old group last year, but we believe this past year wasn't the nicest for our Ben.

This was a very guilt-ridden time for me today.  I wanted to reach out and love on the kids, but between the smell of the room and one little girl throwing up on the table and not getting cleaned up very good from that, I just couldn't.  I feel like I failed.  Visiting the orphanage for all those days in a row just starts to wear on you.  Your heart breaks for the other children while at the same time you are a bit overwhelmed trying to take in everything about the child you are about to make your own.

 Like I said, this was a hard time today.

After the "party", we went to the ballroom with Ben.  This playtime went very nicely.  We did seem to notice though that Ben seems bored with the orphanage visits and ready to move to the next phase of living with us at the apartment- just like we are ready to move on.

Funny story at the end, Ben was standing on the window sill getting ready to jump in the ball pit.  We figured this probably wasn't allowed, but we were picking are battles so that our time with Ben wasn't all about power struggles.  So we let him do this, except the caregiver busted us and Ben!  She opened the door and all she had to do was give Ben (and us) the "Look".  Ben immediately got down off the ledge, put his shoes on, and left to eat supper.   

None of the caregivers interacted with us.  But this particular caregiver did seem to be a favorite among the children.  Silva said this woman never raised her voice with the children, she just firmly guided them and kids responded to her.  I do notice now that I am home with Ben that a firm look goes a lot farther with him than raising my voice.

Tonite is Ben's last night in the orphanage, and his last night as an orphan.  I have many feelings and emotions as I think about his last night.  I am sad for the huge change Ben will have to go through leaving the only home he has ever known.  Even though his life will be better with our family,  this will be a huge adjustment for him.  I feel regret that Ben had to spend 6 years in this orphanage.  So many moments that we will never have with him.  So many moments he never got to spend with a family.  And I feel excitement for him and us that he is finally getting a family, but I also am nervous about how things will work between us and him.  Lot of emotions.  It made it even harder when Silva told us what was on the menu for Ben's last supper as an orphan:  milk soup- that's noodles with milk poured over them.  That doesn't sound very good to me, and apparently Silva knew Ben did not like this meal.  Poor little fellow.  I wished I could just take him home with us now and give him a meal fit for king.  He deserves it!

Friday, 7-15: morning

This is our court date! 

Silva visited Ben on her own this morning so that we would have the morning to prepare and get ready for court.  She said Ben was very sad and upset when we didn't come with her this morning.  I felt bad thinking he may have felt we deserted him. 

We did have a nice breakfast at an Italian bakery.  We were able to have a time of prayer and devotion.  We talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan- loving and serving others even when it means work and sacrifice of your own needs and wants.  Very encouraging time with Lord as we felt he was validating our decision to adopt Ben. 

When we got to the court house with Reda, she pointed out something she had noticed in the records as she prepared the night before:

            1. Ben arrived on the orphanage on 7-15-10 at 3 weeks old.

            2. Today, his court date and day he would leave the orphanage was 7-15-16. 

            
What an amazing act of timing on the   Lord's part!  Reda was very anxious to use this incredible "coincidence" in her presentation to the judge.

The hearing was not as nerve-wracking as I expected.  Andrew and I had prepared statements which we each shared with the court.  Then Reda,  representatives from the orphanage, and Central Authority gave their testimonies as to the status of "Kostas" and his birth family. 

Reda had warned us that the judge might appear very cold and unkind.  She said not to take it personally.  However, I was very surprised- she smiled at us and seemed very excited about this court proceeding.

When all the testimony had been given,  the judge announced that she would have her decision in ONE HOUR.  This was unheard of!  Everyone had prepared us that we would have to wait over the weekend until Monday afternoon.  Reda and the other officials looked shocked, and super surprised. 

One hour later, we received the decision from the court:  Benjamin Kostas was our son!  

This quick decision allowed Reda to start the embassy paperwork on Saturday already which might mean we could go home as early as next Thursday or Friday! 

The court hearing was very emotional, very amazing, and left me feeling very much at peace.  The Lord was working hard to bring Ben home!

After the court hearing, we left with Silva for the orphanage.  We were going to be able to bring Ben to the apartment not just as his caretakers but as his parents- he was officially our son!

Silva went and woke up Ben from his nap.  She brought him to me to cuddle.  I cried tears of joy, relief, and sadness.  The sadness was just thinking of what Ben was going to have to adjust to, even though it would be better. 

Just so emotional to realize it was FINALLY OVER for this little boy- he was safe and secure in our arms forever!  The representatives from the orphanage and Central Authority told us at the hearing that Ben would have been transferred within weeks to the mental institution if this adoption hadn't went through.  What a terrifying thought…

Watching Ben pack up his things was also very emotional: 1) that 6 years of someone life can fit inside a grocery bag is humbling 2) thinking of what if he was packing up for the mental institution instead 3) thinking of what emotions Ben was feeling, was he sad?  excited?  both?  4) so much relief that Ben is safe with us now.

An incredible gift from the Lord happened when we were packing up Ben's things at the orphanage.

The only things we had ever seen of Ben's during our visits at the orphanage were the things we had given him in our care package to him.  When it was time for him to leave the orphanage, we found out he had a few more possessions- birthday gifts that had been donated to him over the years.  

One of those gifts was a red cape with the FLASH symbol on it.  

You might wonder why I am even bothering to mention a silly old red cape?  But the thing is, our Jonah has a red cape with a FLASH symbol on it that he plays with almost every day.  He uses it to be a superhero, to be a Bible character, whatever game he is imagining usually needs the cape.  The cape is so important to him that I even packed it to go by my sister while he stayed there during our trip.

To see little Ben pull a red FLASH cape out of his box to pack for home was just amazing to Andrew and I.  Two little boys, worlds apart but soon to be brothers, each with red capes.  Andrew doesn't cry over much, but this brought tears to his eyes.  It truly felt like the Lord was telling us once again that this was meant to be- this had all been ordained and planned by Him.

That night, when Ben was at our apartment with us, was surreal.  We now weren't just spending time with a little boy named Ben, we were with our son!

We were told by Silva that Ben would probably eat whatever we were eating.  So our first night we thought we would take him to Hesbergers, which is like McDonalds.  This didn't work so well.  First, Ben did not understand the concept of waiting for the food.  He got very upset when the people around us were eating and we didn't have our food yet.  Second, he didn't listen to us very well because he doesn't know us that well yet.  And third, he didn't like any of the food, hamburger or the fries. 

For sleeping arrangements, Ben and I slept in the double bed and Andrew slept out on the sleeper sofa in the living room.  Of course, both of us laid by Ben the first few nights as he fell asleep.  Lots of self-rocking by the little guy.  We tried to compensate by trying to cuddle with him or pat his back to let him know he wasn't alone anymore.

Sleeping next to Ben that first night felt like the first nights in the hospital when the older 3 were each born.  I remember waking up and just looking at these precious babies, so relieved and happy and amazed they were finally here!  I had the same feeling as I would wake up and see this sweet little boy sleeping peacefully by me- he was safe.  His orphan ordeal was OVER!  Praise the Lord!

 Breakfast was a time of prayer and studying God's word to prepare us for the hearing that day.   Talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

 Bakery where we had breakfast.

All ready to go to court.  Nervous, excited, but at peace.

 Getting ready for judge to enter courtroom.  Woman between Andrew and I is our interpreter, Lina.  She was very sweet but couldn't completely understand why we would want Ben.

Unbelievable moment telling Ben he is ours forever. God rescued this little boy from a lifetime in the mental institution!  

Packing up Ben's possessions from his 1st 6 years.

The famous Red Cape!

Ben says goodbye to his caretakers.

 Leaving the orphanage FOREVER!

Our first snack at "home"

I was so excited and anxious to give Ben a bath.  I don't think orphanage bathing was up to the same standards as Lavey bathtime!

Watching Ben sleep that first night, I was just overcome with emotion.  I was so relieved for him- he was safe.  He would not have to spend the rest of his life in a mental institution!  So thankful for the Lord's hand of protection over this precious little life.

Saturday, 7-16

We took a road trip with Silva to the tourist town of Traku.  There we visited an 11th century castle which was very neat. 

We also visited with Silva's friends who live by the lake in this town.  They invited us (or Silva invited us J) for tea.  Very nice time.

In the afternoon, we tried a nap with Ben, but he ended up being too wiggly. 

In the evening we had a bad case of constipations/cramps.  Probably Ben was just nervous and overwhelmed about moving out of the orphanage and being in this strange apartment.  When you think of it, Ben has ate, slept, and used the bathroom in the same setting for 6 years.  He didn't go to restaurants or people's houses like we do.  So to all of a sudden expect him to feel comfortable in a new bed, new places to eat, and new bathrooms would be unrealistic of us. 

We also were able to skype with Lydia, Stephen and Jonah- first time they got to meet Ben!

Thankfully, Ben loved being in the stroller.  This made sightseeing a lot easier.  I think he actually felt safe in the stroller as he encounter places and things he had never experienced before.

Beautiful little town of Traku- such a fun day.  Thank you Silva!

Sunday, 7-17

We went to the international Lutheran church which held a service in English.  A beautiful church, of course, Vilnius has soooo many beautiful churches.  This was also a very special time- the Lord showed me I can be "at home" anywhere when we are in the body of Christ.  Ben was very well behaved in church- we used treats to help him sit nicely.  He also was very pleasant and friendly to people in the church who came to greet us hello. 

At church, we met a woman who worked at the US Embassy who had relatives in Wisconsin.

Lunch went well, and Ben took a short nap.

After naptime, we tried to go to Geddimus Castle by the elevator up.  Ben was very scared of the elevator, and then acted very mad at us when we were at the top trying to look around.  This carried through to later when we brought him to the great playground- he didn't want to play.  He also wouldn't eat supper and had a very bad bathroom incident at the restaurant.  Not the Hallmark moments you dream of after getting your little boy…

What a great privilege to take Ben to church for the first time in his life!

After WW2, the Russians turned this church into a gym.  All this beautiful artwork and trim was covered up.  What an awesome job of restoration.

Ben got very scared on the tram ride up to this castle.  Once we were up, he was very nervous and uncomfortable.  It was a quick excursion!

Monday, 7-18

This was a very busy day.  We had to get Ben's passport.  This office was comparable to our DMV office- super busy and crazy! 

No nap today, just laid by me and rested. 

After the rest, we had another bathroom issue.  Seems like it’s a fear/constipation thing but also a control issue.  In fact, late afternoon seems to bring control issues: refusal to do what we say, bossing us around, and bathroom issues.

We did have a nice supper at home though- Ben loved chicken sausage.  This is interesting because he picked this item out himself at the grocery store.  I guess he knew what he wanted! 

After supper, we had a very nice walk (Ben loves the stroller- seems to be a safe place for him) to St. Anne's which we had visited last week but loved it so much.  We also walked through the Uzepis neighborhood.  We met an American woman whose family lives in Waukesha, WI- small world. 

Bedtime was very easy due to no naptime.

Passport office with Reda

Fun time in the park

Just wanted to mention how nice it was to have a washer in the apartment.  Made our packing so much easier because we didn't have to pack 3 weeks of outfits!

Tuesday, 7-19

Another busy day!  I went with Reda to pick up passport, make donation to the orphanage bank account, and register Ben to officially leave Lithuania. 

Our donation of $450 to orphanage is going to be put towards a special eye glass fund so that the kids can get frames that work for special needs kiddos:  flexible rubber frames like our boys have.  Very excited about this!

Then in the afternoon, we had our embassy appointment with Silva.   The consulate at the embassy is from Wisconsin!  What a small world when you think of it.  The appointment went fine.  Everyone at the embassy seemed very excited and happy for us and Ben and seemed to want to get his VISA ready for us as quick as possible.  We are hoping to be able to pick up the VISA tomorrow which means we could fly out on Thursday!

We had two very nice walks both in the morning and evening.  I haven't mentioned it yet, but we experienced incredible weather the entire time we were in Vilnius.  Temperatures in the 70's and hardly any rain.

US Embassy

No pictures allowed after this point.

Wednesday, 7-20

We visited the Genocide Museum today- very informative and moving.  This museum documented the loss of life due to the Nazi invasion as well as the Russian takeover after WW2.  In a mistaken assumption, many Lithuanians thought the Nazis would actually save them from the Russians.  Little did the know the Nazis would almost wipe out the Jewish population entirely. 

Very sad, and complicated history for this country.  Yet this museum also showcases the resilience of this country to survive and prosper despite the odds. 

While at the museum, we got the call from Reda that our VISA was ready!  Yeah, we could most likely fly home tomorrow. 

At this point in our trip, I was just ready to get back to our kids.  It wasn't that I didn't enjoy this "vacation" because Vilnius is a beautiful and exciting city to explore.  But I was at the point where I was done sightseeing, done living an unrealistic  life in the apartment with Ben, and ready to get him and us back to our real life at home.  Time to start being a family of 7!

Reda delivered the VISA to the museum.  Sadly, we had to say goodbye to Reda.  What a wonderful person she is- so helpful, so good at her job, and so dedicated to finding families for these orphans in Lithuania.  God bless Reda.  We love you!  Thank you for all you have done for our family.

Later that afternoon, we had to say good bye to Silva.  Equally hard to do.  Again, she is an amazing woman with such love and care for these children.  She was so helpful and supportive of our family.  Can't say a big enough thank you to her.

As a show of our gratitude to these 2 amazing women, we left them $150 that they could use towards buying strollers, carseats etc- whatever will help them facilitate other families that come to adopt. 

So the plan is we fly out early tomorrow morning, Vilnius to Frankfurt.  Then a 4 hour layover and then Frankfurt to Chicago.  If all goes on schedule, we should be home in Cedar Grove by 8 p.m. tomorrow night  (Wisconsin time, middle of the night, Lithuanian time).

 Our Lithuanian hunk!

 In front of the courthouse where Friday's hearing was held.  During WW2 this was the Nazi headquarters in Vilnius, and then after WW2, it was the KGB headquarters.

Genocide Museum- before WW2, Vilnius was known as "Little Jerusalem" because of the high Jewish population.  After war, Jewish population almost completely wiped out.  Then Lithuania had to endure under Russian rule until independence in 1991.

   

Saying good bye to Reda- bittersweet.

As Reda hugged Ben goodbye, she told him he was one "lucky duck"!  Notice Ben reaching for his Daddy- how sweet.

Saying good bye to Silva- happy, sad...

This very talented musician played almost every evening right below our apartment window.  When I was homesick, his music would add to my sadness and make me just want to get home.  When I wasn't homesick, I really enjoyed his music, and it really contributed to our "European vacation" feel.  Our time in Vilnius was like a vacation we never expected to have- Lithuania is a beautiful country and we are so grateful we got to explore and experience our little boy's culture and country.  

Thursday, 7-21

 We woke up at 4 a.m. to catch a taxi to the Vilnius airport.  When we boarded the 1st plane, Ben kept gagging.  After a while we firmly told him "nah" and then he was fine.  From then on, Ben was an amazing traveler!

Then we had a 5 hour lay over at the Frankfurt airport.  Ben did amazing here too.  We took many walks- he loved the moving sidewalks!  He tried eating a frankfurter (we had to have one when you are at the Frankfurt airport, right?) but did not like it.  He watched lots of Rescue Heroes on my phone. 

Then at 1:00, it was time to board the flight for Chicago.  The unfortunate thing here was that because we had to switch our return tickets at the last minute, we could not get 3 seats together.  So Andrew and Ben got to sit in Economy Plus which meant more room and quieter.  Poor mom was all alone in Economy at the very back of the plane.  Of course, Andrew had to care for Ben for a 8 hour flight so I think he deserved the extra leg room and quiet.  Ben did very good on this flight even though he only slept about 15 minutes for the entire trip.  Andrew said he watched movies or just sat and looked around.  What a trooper!  

We landed in Chicago at 3:30 central time, but to us it felt like 9 p.m. which meant we had now been awake for about 16 hours with only a few snoozes here and there.  

And we were totally not prepared for the international custom process with the added element of bringing a new citizen into the country!   We were brought to about 5 different areas where different parts of our paperwork had to be processed and approved.  Fortunately, we had asked for the airline to provide us a stroller since we knew Ben would not able to walk for a long distance after all that travel.  The airline didn't have a stroller but instead provided us with a wheelchair and escort.  Ben rode proud like a king thru all our stops- just taking everything in.  He never once lost it and had a meltdown- very impressive.  Especially considering again, the lack of sleep.   

Finally, after 5 minutes in our car, he fell asleep.  He woke up briefly to meet his sisters when we came into the house but then was pretty much down for the count until his brother Jonah woke him up in the morning.  I couldn't have been more amazed about how he handled everything.  I was very proud of that little boy.  He sure knows how to roll with it!

When we pulled into our cul de sac that night, there was a double rainbow.  Not only was it beautiful, it just spoke to our hearts about how the Lord's hand has been on this process from day one.  He fully intended Ben to be part of our family, from leading us to Ben's picture on Reece's Rainbow, to making him our son on the same date that six years earlier he arrived at his orphanage, and then blessing us with 2 amazing rainbows in the sky the night we arrive home with Ben.

An amazing end to an amazing adventure!  Truly a once in a lifetime experience.  Thank you Lord!

Now on to the rest of life….

Welcome home cookie from Aunt Jane

SANCTITY OF LIFE

"January 22 is the 44th anniversary of the historic Roe versus Wade Supreme Court decision. In those 44 years, there have been over 58 million abortions."

That's 58 million reasons we should acknowledge Sanctity of Life, not just on one day a year, but every day- in how we live and treat others around us.  It isn't just the 58 million lives that were lost, its 58 million mothers and fathers and their loved ones who have been affected by Roe v. Wade....

Following is the transcript of one the most excellent sermons I have ever heard on the sanctity of life.  Sadly, I haven't really heard that many sermons on this issue- many churches choose to not address this topic for fear of offending people.  This church, Bethlehem Baptist in Minneapolis, chose to address the topic with grace and dignity and in the wisdom and love that only comes from our Heavenly Father.  Please take time to read/listen.  I have also included the video link.

What I really liked about this sermon is its emphasis on children with special needs:

"Christ gave his life for us—how can we be a community that takes the lives of others? We will give our lives for the needy. We will not deal with people in a selfish way that says what can I get or take from you. We don’t look at people and say “You have value based on the benefit you bring to me.” The caring love of the cross also crucifies the callous, uncaring nature of a community. It also clarifies our values. The value of every person in our community is not achieved by abilities—it is given by God. A received identity because we are made in the image of God. Children are gifts from God matter how they come.

A pro-life community values the vulnerable among us as a sovereign gift to us. We reject the pro-choice mantra of the sovereign self (we decide if the child inside should live or die). Late modernity has this as its mantra: the absolute sovereignty of the self. God sovereignly puts these children among us as gifts to help us become the community we need to be. Their physical lack of independence and autonomy reminds us of our spiritual lack of independence and autonomy."

I feel so blessed that the Lord has allowed our family to be blessed by two very special little boys.  They make lack in the world's sense of worth and value, but what they can teach us about life and God's love is beyond measure.  Thank you Lord!

Video Link:
Sanctity of Life Sunday at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, MN

Speaker: 

 Jason Meyer

Date Given: 

 January 21, 2017

The wicked draw the sword and ubend their bows

     to bring down the poor and needy,
     to slay those whose way is upright;
their sword shall enter their own heart,
     and their wbows shall be broken.—Psalm 37:14–15

Introduction

January 22 is the 44th anniversary of the historic Roe versus Wade Supreme Court decision. In those 44 years, there have been over 58 million abortions. Pastor John began preaching on Sanctity of Life Sunday on January 18, 1987. This is the 30th Sanctity of Life sermon we have preached.

How shall we approach the issue this year? I would like to address head on a challenge that the pro-choice movement charges us with answering. What about discovering your unborn baby has a disability? They would frame the question in such a way as to ask whether an abortion is not just permissible in that case, but actually merciful. 

They would say it is merciful because the baby will not be flourishing and will have a low quality of life. People who pose these questions often present extreme examples to make us feel the force of the question even more. Trisomy 13 is a condition in which there are three copies of the 13th chromosome. The impact of Trisomy 13 is deadly. Many children die before birth. Of those who are born alive, half die within the first week. Many doctors give the grim assessment that Trisomy 13 is “not compatible with life.” What would you do if you heard those words?

The pro-choice community says that you should have the choice to abort that baby because “even if they survive the first week, what kind of quality of life will they really have?” This is a real question. Some forms of Trisomy 13 affect only some cells, other forms affect every cell in the body. These children cannot see or hear in any meaningful sense. They will never be able to do things independently. They cannot walk or feed themselves. They cannot speak and we don’t really know what they understand about many things, including the concept of family (parents, siblings, etc).

That is why some in our culture say that if a child is not going to have a certain “quality of life,” it is merciful to abort them. Some also say if an adult (young or old), loses a certain “quality of life,” then it is merciful to help them end his or her life.

I don’t resent those questions. On the contrary, I welcome the question because I think the answer defines us as a community. We should celebrate the fact that we choose life, and by choosing life, we choose flourishing. I believe the biblical text read a moment ago has something vital to say on this issue. This text says that one characteristic of those walking the way of the wicked is violence against the vulnerable. We also see the grim way Almighty God will respond. These two verses form a powerful proverb: Those who practice violence will come to a violent end. In fact, Jesus’ words in Matthew 26:52 offer perhaps the pithiest summary: “Those who live by the sword will die by the sword,” which is the main point.

Main point: Those who live by the sword will die by the sword.

Outline

1. Live by the Sword (v. 14)

2. Die by the Sword (v. 15)

1. Live by the Sword (v. 14)

The wicked draw the sword and ubend their bows
     to bring down the poor and needy,
     to slay those whose vway is upright.

This text obviously describes a violent way of life (sword, bow, bring down, slay). One characteristic of the way of the wicked is that they prey upon the vulnerable (the poor and needy). The text also refers to “those whose way is upright” as belonging to the group called “the poor and needy.” The upright in this example follow the way of the righteous, keep God’s commands, and have done nothing deserving of death—they are innocent. So one characteristic of the way of the righteous is that the righteous often find themselves in vulnerable positions. The pathway laid out for God’s people is not often a way of life that sits comfortably above suffering in a position of power, but often we find ourselves living uncomfortably in a place of vulnerability to the wicked.

The question then becomes what should our response be? Should we who are vulnerable take a page out of their playbook and fight back? It sounds logical: Fight fire with fire. The next verse needs to guide our response. We are called to believe verse 15: Those who practice violence will come to a violent end.

2. Die by the Sword (v. 15)

Their sword shall enter their own heart,
     and their wbows shall be broken.

We should not pick up the sword in personal vengeance, because the same boomerang principle will apply to us (we started living by the sword, now we die by the sword). We should instead leave vengeance to the Lord and believe justice is coming like an unstoppable freight train with a full head of steam.

Look at the verses that precede verses 14–15:

In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
     though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
But the meek shall inherit the land
     and delight themselves in abundant peace. 

The wicked plots against the righteous
     and gnashes his teeth at him,
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
     for he sees that his day is coming.—Psalm 37:10–13

If their day is coming, then earthly appearances can be deceiving. It looks like the righteous have less and so they are losing and the wicked have more so they are winning. The opposite is true. “Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked” (v. 16). Why is having little better than having an abundance? Look at the word “For” in verse 17:

For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
     but the LORD upholds the righteous.

The wicked look so strong (almost invulnerable), but they are really weak compared to Almighty God. They will not get away with it; they will meet a violent end. The righteous look like they are going to fall, but the Lord upholds them. How would you like to see the Lord show his strength—by upholding you with his arms or by breaking your arms? It is better to be in the boat with the righteous and heading for safe shores (even if it is not a luxury liner).

We have seen different expressions of God’s justice in the Psalms. There is a final judgment coming, but sometimes a picture of the final judgment breaks into the present. It could be called “boomerang justice” or “poetic justice.” An example is the proverb: Those who practice violence will meet a violent end (not just at the final judgment, but here on earth as well). They swing the sword and it ends up striking them instead. It is the boomerang effect. Psalm 7:15–16 says the same thing:

He [the wicked man] makes a pit, digging it out,
     and falls into the hole that he has made.
His mischief returns upon his own head,
     and on his own skull his violence descends.

There is poetic justice in the wicked falling into their own trap. As I have said before, everyone who grew up watching Looney Tunes knows this principle well. Wile E. Coyote is always trying some new Acme trap that he lays out for the Road Runner, and it always ends up backfiring. He rolls the big boulder down toward the Road Runner, but it misses and goes up the next hill and comes crashing down on top of him. Perhaps the most poignant example in the Bible is when Haman is hanged on the gallows that he prepared for Mordecai in the book of Esther.

Connection Points Between Psalm 37:14–15 and Abortion

There are three obvious points of connection between Psalm 37:14 and abortion. Abortion is (1) slaying, (2) the poor and needy, (3) who are upright (innocent, not guilty).

First, abortion is a gruesome form of slaying. It is violent. I believe it is more barbaric to dismember babies than to fight adults with a sword and bow. I can’t even read the description of what is done to an unborn baby. It is horrific. I can’t even go there.

Second, this is violence against the vulnerable. Unborn babies are the poorest and neediest group imaginable. They have no voice and so they cannot cry out for help. They have no visibility because they are hidden in their mother’s womb. They have no physical power or political protection. In the end, their safety (humanly speaking) depends upon the protection of their parents. If the parent wants them dead, there is not much to stand in their way.

We used Andy Crouch’s definition of injustice in the last message. He says that “injustice is a social system in which some people have authority without vulnerability at the expense of other people having vulnerability without authority.” It is hard to imagine a more vulnerable group of people than unborn children.

Third, they are upright in the sense that they are innocent. It is also obvious that these children have not done anything deserving death. They are innocent.

The Boomerang Effect: A Callous Community

Now these three connections are probably not new for many listeners. But this text did commend a new connection for me. I asked myself if there was a boomerang effect at work within abortion itself. The answer is clearly “yes.”

Here is what I mean: I am not saying that those who get an abortion or those who provide the abortion are going to meet a violent end in this life. What is the boomerang effect? When you lift the sword against innocent life, it pierces you too. Your heart hurts—a part of you dies too. Many try to drown out the pain with alcohol or drugs or other things, but it doesn’t work. When you participate in the death of an unborn baby, it has a deadening effect on your heart too.

But there is more. Think about being part of a community that thinks and reasons in a pro-choice way. A pro-choice culture is callous about the lives of the vulnerable. If you are in a culture that is callous toward the vulnerable, then what will happen when you are vulnerable? Why do you believe they will care for you when you are in that position?

I will give you an example. I have heard many stories of people who are in a relationship and it becomes physically intimate. They are callous toward God’s commands for purity. They are living by the motto, “If it feels good, do it.” Then they are interrupted with the consideration of responsibility. She is pregnant. What are they going to do about the life living inside of her?

We often only put this upon the woman. But I have heard so many stories of young men at this point who pressure their girlfriends into an abortion. Sometimes the girl feels forced to choose between her boyfriend and the life she is living now, and the child that would change everything and seemingly make everything harder and more complicated. So she decides to move forward with the abortion.

But guess what she tragically discovers in her vulnerable position? If he was callous toward life and responsibility toward the vulnerable, he is often going to be callous toward her in her vulnerable position. Selfishness and shirking from responsibility and commitment will be like a relational boomerang that comes back to hurt you.

We can see all these dynamics in a true story told by Christian hip-hop artist, Lecrae. On his 2014 album, Anomaly (which debuted #1 on the Billboard 200 chart), he has a testimonial song entitled, “Good, Bad, Ugly.” He talks about his role in taking the life of his unborn child in 2002. Tony Reinke shared Lecrae’s story at the Desiring God website back in 2015.

He said “my soul got saved, my debt had been paid, but still I kept running off with my crew, sex on my brain and death in my veins.” He then talks about a girlfriend he had and how they practiced sexual immorality together. Then the realization hit that she was pregnant.

We heard a heart beat that wasn’t hers or mineThe miracle of life had started insideIgnored the warning signsSuppressed that truth I felt insideI was just having fun with this, I’m too young for thisI’m thinking me, myself, and IShould I sacrifice this life to keep my vanity and live nice?And she loves and trusts me so much that whatever I say,she’d probably obligeBut I was too selfish with my timeScared my dreams were not gonna surviveSo I dropped her off at that clinicThat day a part of us died.

Why would someone commit such a callous injustice against an unborn baby? In last week’s sermon we mentioned the link between injustice and idolatry. We see it here very clearly in Lecrae’s testimony. He said he knew abortion was “me choosing my life over yours.” “I’m thinking me, myself, and I—should I sacrifice this life to keep my vanity and live nice? … I was too selfish with my time, scared my dreams were not gonna survive.”

Parents sacrifice their unborn children on the altar of personal advancement and personal freedom. There are certainly some that do so because they think they are saving themselves from financial destruction, but that is where they need to see that people are willing to bear some of that vulnerability so that she and the baby have what they need to make it. [Many abortion providers sacrifice these children on the altar of financial and political advancement. I believe that many of them believe in what they are doing, but they also benefit from it in many ways.] Would they still do it if they had to pay for it?

He was trying to drown it all out. “Had it not been for the conviction of the Spirit, who I was suppressing with drugs and alcohol, I don’t know if I would have felt anything. But I was so callous and so hard-hearted that it was almost second nature to say: ‘Oh, well, you ought to get an abortion.’” He convinced his girlfriend to get an abortion and even dropped her off at the clinic. She went through with it (she loved and trusted him so much, he knew she would oblige). And then he explains what he did next. Here comes the boomerang effect.

“After the abortion, I really pretty much shut it out of my mind, literally to the point—it is shameful—I ignored all her calls. I quit dealing with her altogether. The last time I saw her I remember she was curled up on a bed crying, and I pushed all of it out of my mind. And what I kept were pictures of her, as a memorial in some sense.”

The baby died and he also chose to put the relationship to death. If he was callous toward life and callous toward responsibility, that boomerang is going to come back and hit her too. If he runs from responsibility with a baby, he will often do the same in other relationships.

The Spirit’s Work Within a Christian:
Conviction, Repentance, Restoration

But true believers have had the callous heart of stone removed. The Holy Spirit breaks through with conviction and repentance. The gospel is the answer for the shame and stain of abortion. Healing can’t be found at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a needle or under the sheets. Guilt stains can’t be drowned out, but they can be washed away by the blood of Christ. The bloodstain of abortion can only be washed clean by the blood of Jesus. Lecrae may have had a moment where he chose his life over his child’s life, but the gospel testifies to Jesus on the cross choosing the lives of others over his own life.

There is power in the blood, and so repentance and restoration are available to all. Christians are not those who have never participated in abortion; they are those who bring their participation into the light and under the blood. The rest of the article about Lecrae tells the rest of this gospel story.

By God’s grace, he was willing to face his sin honestly and openly, to weep and confess, and to draw near the blood of Christ. He’s now married to his wife, Darragh, and they have three children. By publicly confessing his sins, he was paving the way for others to do so. “It takes a strong person to be vulnerable,” Lecrae said in an interview last year. “When you’re hurt, you hurt other people, but when you’re healed, you try to heal other people.” 

And that’s what makes Lecrae’s story such a powerful force of healing in the lives of many now. Openness with sin and confidence in the forgiving power of Christ bring eternal healing from the deepest stains of guilt (Hebrews 9:22). This message of hope is urgently needed for millions who live in the shadows of shame and regret in our society.

Gospel-Shaped Community

A pro-choice culture helps men maintain a selfish pursuit of sexual intimacy without personal responsibility. A pro-life culture puts the stress on self-sacrificing masculinity. Listen to Lecrae again: “I think it is a bigger issue of men standing up and saying, I am going to be a dad, and I am going to take leadership, and I am going to be a force in my community to break a lot of these cycles.” The church has an opportunity to step up and model this masculine responsibility, and to step in and care for mothers and children—particularly in vulnerable urban environments.

But the gospel takes us further in shaping us as a community. Believing the gospel does not only help people who have participated in abortion find repentance and forgiveness. It saves us and shapes us so that we look at flourishing in a different way. How is a pro-life community different than a pro-choice community on the question of life and flourishing?

Do you remember the Trisomy 13 situation from the introduction of the sermon? I had a specific individual in mind. Her name is Angela. Andy Crouch wrote the book Strong and Weak. He mentions his sister, Melinda. Melinda had a child that she named, Angela. Angela had Trisomy 13. They heard the doctors say “incompatible with life.” She overcame the odds and she is now 13. But what quality of life does she have?

Andy Crouch says, “She could not meaningfully see or hear; she could not walk; she could not feed or bathe herself. She knew nothing of language. We could only guess what she knew or understood of her mother, her father, her grandparents, brothers and sisters. Early on she would respond to voice and touch; in recent years, even as she had grown physically, she had long seasons receded further into an already distant and unknowable world.”

In his book, Andy Crouch asks the question: Is Angela flourishing? He has one of the wisest answers I have ever heard to this question. It is worth quoting in full (Strong and Weak, pp. 30–34):

If your definition of flourishing is the life held out for us by mass-affluent consumer culture, the obvious answer is that Angela is not flourishing—never has and never will. She cannot purchase her satisfactions; she cannot impress her peers; she cannot even ‘express herself’ in the ways we think are so important for our own fulfillment.

But perhaps the question actually has things backwards. When Jesus was asked, “Who is my neighbor?” he told a parable that turned the question on its head, ending with the question, “[Who] was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” (Luke 10:29, 36).

If we were to similarly turn the question of flourishing around, maybe we would be asking, “Who is helping Angela flourish?” We might be asking, “Who is flourishing because of Angela?” And even, “How can we become the kind of people among whom Angela flourishes and who flourish with Angela in our midst?”

Flourishing is not actually the property of an individual at all, not matter how able or disabled. It describes a community. The real question of flourishing is for the community that surrounds Angela—her parents and siblings, her extended family, the skilled practitioners of medicine and education and nutrition who care for her, and in a wider sense, the society and nation of which she is a citizen. The real test of every human community is how it cares for the most vulnerable, those like Angela who cannot sustain even a simulation of independence and autonomy. The question is not whether Angela alone is flourishing or not—the question is whether her presence in our midst leads us to flourishing together.

Then the question goes one step further. Is Angela helping us flourish? Is she the occasion of our becoming more fully what we were created to be, more engaged with the world in its variety and complexity, more deeply embedded in relationship and mutual dependence, more truly free? 

If flourishing is something that is true in a community, is it true here? Are we becoming more fully the caring community we were created to be by the blood of Christ?

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.—1 John 3:16

Christ gave his life for us—how can we be a community that takes the lives of others? We will give our lives for the needy. We will not deal with people in a selfish way that says what can I get or take from you. We don’t look at people and say “You have value based on the benefit you bring to me.” The caring love of the cross also crucifies the callous, uncaring nature of a community. It also clarifies our values. The value of every person in our community is not achieved by abilities—it is given by God. A received identity because we are made in the image of God. Children are gifts from God matter how they come.

A pro-life community values the vulnerable among us as a sovereign gift to us. We reject the pro-choice mantra of the sovereign self (we decide if the child inside should live or die). Late modernity has this as its mantra: the absolute sovereignty of the self. God sovereignly puts these children among us as gifts to help us become the community we need to be. Their physical lack of independence and autonomy reminds us of our spiritual lack of independence and autonomy.

The pregnancy and abortion crisis before us gives us an opportunity to live with authentic authority and vulnerability. What authority do we have that we can use for the sake of the child and the parents? Financial support for pro-life causes, crisis pregnancy centers, March for Life, writing to our elected officials, etc. Don’t forget about the authority we have in prayer—don’t just protest at the Governor’s Mansion—go all the way to heaven’s throne. What are some of the ways that we can share the vulnerability with the child and the parents? Take on some of the vulnerability of being a sidewalk counselor, a safe family, or through adoption, foster care, etc.

Conclusion

We once played a game in seminary. There was a group of about five married couples. We played guys vs. girls. We got destroyed. What was worse, they couldn’t help but laugh at how bad we were losing. You read a bunch of letters scrunched together and as you sound it out – and you can discern a particular popular saying. We were terrible and they triumphed. I have not played that game since. I am convinced that guys can’t win that game—why play?

Abortion is different. Don’t hear the numbers— 58 million—and give up. Look at how bad the losses are. Justice will win in the end. I call you to believe verse 15. We don’t put confidence in our circumstances and we do not put confidence in our abilities. In prayer, we put confidence in God’s character—he is righteous and just and the defender of the weak. And as I have said before, you can’t help but pray for justice if you long at all for the return of Christ. Every time you say “Maranantha”—come quickly Lord Jesus—you are praying for the time when Jesus will come riding on the white horse with a sword coming from his mouth that will destroy the wicked. This is not a time to stop; it is a time to charge forward. Our hope is not ultimately in who is in the white house, but who is on the white horse. In just a little while, Jesus will come and there will be justice and all will be new.

Sermon Discussion Questions

The following outline and discussion questions have been prepared to accompany the sermon on January 21/22, “Abortion: The Bow That Will Break” (Psalm 37:14–15). The questions can be used for discussion in small groups or for personal reflection.  

Outline

1. Live by the Sword (v. 14)
2. Die by the Sword (v. 15)

Main point: Those who live by the sword will die by the sword.

Discussion Questions

• What does verse 14 say about the way the wicked treat those who are weak and vulnerable? What does verse 15 say about our response to violence against the vulnerable and innocent? Does this mean we should do nothing to help them?
• Does a pro-choice culture have a boomerang effect?
• What kind of community can a pro-life church cultivate?

Application Questions

• What ways can you use your capacity for meaningful action (authority) on the issue of crisis pregnancy and abortion? How can you share the load of vulnerability? How could you do these things as a small group?
• How are you personally cultivating a culture and community where all life has God-given value (not merely valuing what someone can do for us)?

Prayer FocusPray for a grace to participate in cultivating a gospel-shaped community where all the members of the body flourish. 

I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS...

Jonah is the one with the underwear (it's clean, don't worry!) on his head.  

Words to describe our Jonah- lovable, silly, huggable, sweet, and quirky.  

So as I am going through the now 4 year process of toilet training Jonah, I am telling myself I should have expected this.  Jonah is his own little person, he doesn't always process or respond the way the experts tell me he should.  I knew training him would be more difficult because of his Down syndrome, but I didn't anticipate all the twists and turns the process would take.

Let me summarize the past 4 years of my attempts:

2-5 years old:  Jonah doesn't realize he is wet and/or dirty despite trying many different methods of trying to help him have this awareness.  However, these 3 years help teach him all the steps involved in going to the bathroom- walking to the bathroom, pulling pants down, sitting on toilet, pulling pants up, and washing hands.  

5 years old: Jonah often realizes he is wet and/or dirty and lets me know.  Continuing to expose him to the bathroom process.

6 years old: Jonah is starting to realize when he needs to go!!!  This is the beautiful stage of SELF-INITIATION which is really the ultimate goal of toilet training.  However, for Jonah, this doesn't automatically mean that he is successful in using the toilet.  At 6 years old, we are also dealing with a bit of attitude and not wanting to try new things so he often wants to continue the process in his diaper rather than make all the effort it takes to use the bathroom.  But at least we are continuing to move forward.

A wise person once told me that with Down syndrome, we should expect every skill takes double the time of a typically developing child.  This has pretty much been the case with our Jonah (except speech, we are quite delayed in that area).  If most children train between the ages of 2-3, then a child with Down syndrome will probably train between the ages of 4-6.  I read somewhere that using the bathroom is about a 27 step process.  Kiddos with DS often have to work hard to follow 2-3 step directions.  

All that to say, I am hoping we master toilet training sometime during this 6th year for Jonah.  

Now the reason I am sharing about our toilet training efforts with Jonah is because with Jonah, I should have expected a quirky twist to it.  Jonah, after all, is a crazy goofy little boy.  I mentioned that Jonah is beginning to realize when he has to go.  Well, Jonah is realizing this during the middle of the night!  Yes, you read that right, Jonah is most aware of needing to go potty at about 1-2 am.   He wakes up crying and calling my name and wants to sit on the potty and go.  How can I deny him when we are finally at the most important stage of self-initiation?  I just think its hilarious (yes, I do try and tell myself that as I am woken out of a deep sleep) that Jonah picks the middle of the night to do this.  Funny joke, God!  

I think what is really happening is that for Jonah to be aware he has to go, his bladder has to be really full.  This fullness is probably at its peak during the night.  Jonah goes to bed at 7 pm, often with a dry diaper from before supper even though we try to make him go before bed.  So after 5-6 hours of sleep, I think he wakes up with a very FULL sensation.  

Plus when you think about it, during the night, there are no visual distractions because it's dark, no people around except me, and it's quiet because everyone else is sleeping, and Jonah is in his bed so he is not distracted by playing and moving around.  Middle of the night gives him the ability to totally focus on just this one thing.  That is probably a lot easier for him than during the day when he is bombarded by distractions.  

So if this works, maybe I need to write a book about toilet training in the wee hours of the night- maybe that is how I will make my millions!

The reason I am not mentioning Ben in all this talk about the toilet training process is because Ben was toilet trained at the orphanage.  I think they start very young there- I am not sure why it clicked for Ben at an earlier age than Jonah.  Probably part of it his Ben's ability to understand the process better, but also the orphanage environment might have just forced this upon the little boy, whereas our family setting is not as regimented and demanding.