Finally:
7-8 THRU 7-21-16
7-8 THRU 7-21-16
Friday,
7-8
We left at 9 a.m. in the morning from CG. We said good bye to the 3 older kids at home then went to drop off Jonah by Jane. Once I got in the car heading to Chicago
We got to O'Hare Airport at about noon. The Luftansa desk didn't open for check in until 12:45 so we just had to sit and wait. Once we checked in, the security checks went very quickly. We were able to buy some lunch and then settle in and wait until our flight left at 4. Again, I was very apprehensive about the flights- pretty much convinced we were going to crash… So I actually was pretty tearful the entire afternoon at the airport.
Once on board the plane, the tears really started to come. The 2 young men seated next to us must have thought I was a basket case. Between fits of crying and hot flashes, it was a long 8 hour flight for all of us- me, Andrew, and our seat mates!
Luftansa check in at O'Hare
My carry on contained underwear for Ben...funny!
Saturday,
7-9
We landed in Frankfurt and were able to check in back home using Text Now. Very grateful for the gift of modern
technology and communication during this entire trip!
The flight from Frankfurt
to Vilnius
I was soooo relieved to have
our flights done with, and we were safely in Vilnius
Silva brought us to our
apartment which was VERY NICE. She
wanted us to have time to shower and rest and then she would be pick us up at 4
to go to the orphanage to meet Ben for the first time! How exciting!!!!!
Our apartment: VERY NICE!
Our view out our apartment window
Saturday,
7-9: late afternoon-evening
Our 1st visit with
Ben!
Note, we
called him Kostas for the entire first week as we visited him at the
orphanage. Once he came to live with us
at the apartment on 7-15, we started to call him Benjamin Kostas more. It wasn't until we got home to CG that we
started to just use Ben or Benjamin. It
took probably about 1-2 weeks for him to get use to his new name, Ben.
Seeing Ben for the first
time was just so surreal. For years, we
have only seen photos of him and some videos, and then all of a sudden he is
right there before us. He came running
to us, very excited, "Mama, Dada" he yelled. Once in a lifetime experience!
We played outside with
him. He wanted Andrew to take the broom
and hit certain leaves, at his direction, with the broom.
Both of us were very
amazed with how verbal and bright Ben is.
After our visit, Silva
went out to eat with us. I was pretty
much in a daze because of being awake since Friday morning- I never did sleep
much on the plane rides. I don't
remember much about this evening.
I woke up at about 3 am,
very homesick. Woke up and had a time of
prayer, asking the Lord to give me strength to make it through this time of
being away from the 4 kids.
Our 1st view of the orphanage
"The Leaf Game"
So nice to have Silva there to help us understand and get to know Ben.
Isn't he cute???
Sunday,
7-10
We played in the ball pit room. Ben also wanted to move the playhouse around
the room. He used the word
"Cartu" which means together.
After we got home from the
orphanage around noon, we had the rest of the day to sight see. This was a very fun day, despite my
homesickness. We toured many churches,
President's palace, park for Ben, and the hill of 3 crosses.
Look closely: Ben is really in there!
SO many BEAUTIFUL churches to tour!
We are not Catholic, but we think we figured this out that this is St. Anthony, Patron Saint of the Lost. This really resonated with us as we thought about how the Lord watched over our little lost boy and found him a family after 6 years in the orphanage.
Hill of Three Crosses
State Cathedral
Security Check in at the Presidential Palace: very different from the White House security
Monday,
7-11: morning
This morning's orphanage
visit was with Reda. What a character!
Ben was running a fever. He was not very playful or talkative. We spent a lot of time with him just laying
on the mattress and us sitting by him.
He did like when I rubbed his back and arm to help soothe him.
Reda, our incredible attorney!
Monday,
7-11: late afternoon
When we came back in the
late afternoon, his temperature was normal, and he was much more playful. We played piano together- he loved when I
would sing and play "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and other nursery
rhymes.
Then we played catch for
almost an hour. He learned to say
"Ball".
The baby drop box at the orphanage. 2 babies were left over the weekend. If you haven't watched the movie "Drop Box", please do. Very wonderful and awe-inspiring movie!
Tuesday,
7-12: morning
Ben ran a fever during the
night but not in the morning. Still, his
immigration physical was postponed until Thursday.
We played with his care
package toys and blocks. He learned to
say 1-2-3 before knocking the tower over.
We also spent time looking at our family photo album.
When we arrived, we saw
Ben up at the window waving at us and motioning us to come in. Then when we did finally get inside, he was
very excited to see us- huge hugs and kisses.
He also introduced as "Mama and Dada" to his caretakers. He has waited soooo long to be able to do
this, sweet boy!
Tuesday,
7-12: late afternoon
On our way back to
orphanage, we got to see the hospital where Ben was born.
At the orphanage, we
played in the ball pit. Ben got a little
hyper at the end, probably because of boredom- 2 hours in the ball pit- and
hunger.
The end of our visit was hard. He
threw a ball and knocked a clock off the wall. He immediately went and
sat on chair like he was being punished. Then he just shut down on us and
wouldn't smile at us or anything. He started sucking his thumb.
Social worker thought 2 things happening 1) fear of being yelled at hard
like what happens with caregivers and 2) fear of us rejecting him because he
did something wrong. So sad, what lack of family does to a child.
Right before we left, Andrew tried one more time and Ben did give him kiss, but he still looked sad. Hopefully he learns to keep trusting us each time we show up again.
Right before we left, Andrew tried one more time and Ben did give him kiss, but he still looked sad. Hopefully he learns to keep trusting us each time we show up again.
Hospital where Ben was born and spent his 1st 3 weeks there before going to orphanage.
Wednesday,
7-13: morning
Good visit- played in the music room. Ben remembered "ball" and "1-2-3" on his own.
Andrew and I played alone about 30 minutes while I got to visit the baby room. I met Sophie! Sophie is available for adoption!
I got to spend about 30 minutes with Sophie. When I first saw her, she was having her diaper changed. Then Silva cuddled with her for a bit until we got back to the playroom. Then I got to cuddle with her!
I held her over my shoulder and rocked back and forth. She started to get very relaxed, almost like she would sleep. Then the caregivers brought the baby cereal in and started feeding the babies 1x1. Sophie picked up on this right away and wanted out of my arms so she could get on the floor and crawl over to be fed.
Unfortunately it wasn't her turn yet, but I was able to distract her by playing with toys on the floor with her. Her crawling seemed to be a combo of the traditional crawl with some moving along on her tummy. She did seem pretty steady sitting up.
I did watch her get fed. The caregivers use a TBSP to feed the babies which seems very big to me. The kiddos get big spoonfuls very quickly, one after the other. I guess they need to feed fast. Sophie seemed to have to gulp her food down, but she did seem to enjoy it.
Then I played on the floor for a bit with her again. There was a mattress on the floor which she climbed on and off to get toys. Her coordination seemed quite good.
She was very engaging- smiled and interacted with me. She is soooo cute. I could have easily "snuck" her home with us!
Besides the privilege of meeting this very special little girl, I appreciated having this time with her because it gave me some insight into what Ben's life was like when he was this age at the orphanage. This is how he would have been diapered, fed, and played with. I hope if anyone ever visited him in the baby room, they were excited to love on him and thought he was super cute too.
This was quite the outfit Ben had on today!
Because we didn't know Ben's shoe size exactly, we just brought these cheap shoes from Walmart for him this week until we had Ben home to be fitted for really good shoes. However, Ben reacted to these cheap shoes as if we had given him the most expensive shoes ever. So sweet and humble.
Wednesday,
7-13: late afternoon
During our break from the
orphanage, we met with Reda to prepare for court hearing. Very good meeting. I am feeling very at peace with the process. Homesickness is getting better. God is good!
Good visit in the late
afternoon until the end. I was trying to
fix Ben's collar, and he swatted at me and possibly tried to bite me. Then when we returned to his room, he yelled
very loud at Andrew when Andrew tried to take him to the bathroom. This does have us a bit worried about how we
will be able to handle him on our own….
When I told Silva about
the possible biting, she was very calm and just told me not to put shirts on
him that need the collar fixed…good advice when you think about it.
Thursday,
7-14: morning
Played outside, tried out
the stroller. Then went to immigration
doctor appointment. Ben did pretty good
at the appointment.
On our way to immigration physical
Thursday,
7-14: late afternoon
Spent time with all the
kids in Ben's room, giving special treats and toys to the children. We had brought toothbrushes, coloring books,
crayons etc from home, and then Reda helped us shopping for special fruit and
other treats etc for the kids. The odd
thing was we gave the fruit to the caregivers to cut up which they did, but
then they didn't really let the kids try the fruit- unless they did it after we
left the room…whatever.
This time with the group
was not easy. Ben is in a very rough and
sad group of kids to be around.
There is a lot of yelling
and screaming. It just doesn't seem like
the most pleasant room to spend time in.
Many of the children suffer from FAS in a very severe form. These kids tend to scream and not be able to
self-soothe. This group of kids also
seemed like they didn't interact much socially with one another. We saw a lot of fighting over the few toys
that were available to the kids, but not a lot of fun playful interaction. Our observation for Ben was that he was
rather lonely even if he was in a group of kids.
Of course, we also found
out the past year, Ben had to move groups, and so he had some new caregivers as
well as new children. Some kids in his old group had either been adopted or sent
to the institution. So Ben may have had
more friends in his old group last year, but we believe this past year wasn't
the nicest for our Ben.
This was a very
guilt-ridden time for me today. I wanted
to reach out and love on the kids, but between the smell of the room and one
little girl throwing up on the table and not getting cleaned up very good from
that, I just couldn't. I feel like I
failed. Visiting the orphanage for all
those days in a row just starts to wear on you.
Your heart breaks for the other children while at the same time you are
a bit overwhelmed trying to take in everything about the child you are about to
make your own.
Like I said, this was a hard time today.
After the
"party", we went to the ballroom with Ben. This playtime went very nicely. We did seem to notice though that Ben seems
bored with the orphanage visits and ready to move to the next phase of living
with us at the apartment- just like we are ready to move on.
Funny story at the end,
Ben was standing on the window sill getting ready to jump in the ball pit. We figured this probably wasn't allowed, but
we were picking are battles so that our time with Ben wasn't all about power
struggles. So we let him do this, except
the caregiver busted us and Ben! She
opened the door and all she had to do was give Ben (and us) the "Look". Ben immediately got down off the ledge, put
his shoes on, and left to eat supper.
None of the caregivers
interacted with us. But this particular
caregiver did seem to be a favorite among the children. Silva said this woman never raised her voice
with the children, she just firmly guided them and kids responded to her. I do notice now that I am home with Ben that
a firm look goes a lot farther with him than raising my voice.
Tonite is Ben's last night
in the orphanage, and his last night as an orphan. I have many feelings and emotions as I think
about his last night. I am sad for the
huge change Ben will have to go through leaving the only home he has ever
known. Even though his life will be
better with our family, this will be a
huge adjustment for him. I feel regret
that Ben had to spend 6 years in this orphanage. So many moments that we will never have with
him. So many moments he never got to
spend with a family. And I feel
excitement for him and us that he is finally getting a family, but I also am
nervous about how things will work between us and him. Lot of
emotions. It made it even harder when
Silva told us what was on the menu for Ben's last supper as an orphan: milk soup- that's noodles with milk poured
over them. That doesn't sound very good
to me, and apparently Silva knew Ben did not like this meal. Poor little fellow. I wished I could just take him home with us
now and give him a meal fit for king. He
deserves it!
Friday,
7-15: morning
This is our court
date!
Silva visited Ben on her
own this morning so that we would have the morning to prepare and get ready for
court. She said Ben was very sad and
upset when we didn't come with her this morning. I felt bad thinking he may have felt we
deserted him.
We did have a nice
breakfast at an Italian bakery. We were
able to have a time of prayer and devotion.
We talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan- loving and serving
others even when it means work and sacrifice of your own needs and wants. Very encouraging time with Lord as we felt he
was validating our decision to adopt Ben.
When we got to the court
house with Reda, she pointed out something she had noticed in the records as
she prepared the night before:
1. Ben arrived on the orphanage on 7-15-10 at 3 weeks old.
2. Today, his court date and day he would leave the orphanage was
7-15-16.
What an amazing act of timing on the Lord's part! Reda was very anxious to use this incredible "coincidence" in her presentation to the judge.
The hearing was not as
nerve-wracking as I expected. Andrew and
I had prepared statements which we each shared with the court. Then Reda,
representatives from the orphanage, and Central Authority gave their
testimonies as to the status of "Kostas" and his birth family.
Reda had warned us that
the judge might appear very cold and unkind.
She said not to take it personally.
However, I was very surprised- she smiled at us and seemed very excited
about this court proceeding.
When all the testimony had
been given, the judge announced that she
would have her decision in ONE HOUR.
This was unheard of! Everyone had
prepared us that we would have to wait over the weekend until Monday
afternoon. Reda and the other officials
looked shocked, and super surprised.
One hour later, we
received the decision from the court:
Benjamin Kostas was our son!
This quick decision
allowed Reda to start the embassy paperwork on Saturday already which might
mean we could go home as early as next Thursday or Friday!
The court hearing was very
emotional, very amazing, and left me feeling very much at peace. The Lord was working hard to bring Ben home!
After the court hearing,
we left with Silva for the orphanage. We
were going to be able to bring Ben to the apartment not just as his caretakers
but as his parents- he was officially our son!
Silva went and woke up Ben
from his nap. She brought him to me to
cuddle. I cried tears of joy, relief,
and sadness. The sadness was just
thinking of what Ben was going to have to adjust to, even though it would be
better.
Just so emotional to
realize it was FINALLY OVER for this little boy- he was safe and secure in our
arms forever! The representatives from
the orphanage and Central Authority told us at the hearing that Ben would have
been transferred within weeks to the mental institution if this adoption hadn't
went through. What a terrifying thought…
Watching Ben pack up his
things was also very emotional: 1) that 6 years of someone life can fit inside
a grocery bag is humbling 2) thinking of what if he was packing up for the
mental institution instead 3) thinking of what emotions Ben was feeling, was he
sad? excited? both?
4) so much relief that Ben is safe with us now.
An incredible gift from the Lord happened when we were packing up Ben's
things at the orphanage.
The only things we had ever seen of Ben's during our visits at the
orphanage were the things we had given him in our care package to him.
When it was time for him to leave the orphanage, we found out he had a
few more possessions- birthday gifts that had been donated to him over the years.
One of those gifts was a red cape with the FLASH symbol on it.
You might wonder why I am even bothering to mention a silly old red cape? But the thing is, our Jonah has a red cape with a FLASH symbol on it that he plays with almost every day. He uses it to be a superhero, to be a Bible character, whatever game he is imagining usually needs the cape. The cape is so important to him that I even packed it to go by my sister while he stayed there during our trip.
To see little Ben pull a red FLASH cape out of his box to pack for home was just amazing to Andrew and I. Two little boys, worlds apart but soon to be brothers, each with red capes. Andrew doesn't cry over much, but this brought tears to his eyes. It truly felt like the Lord was telling us once again that this was meant to be- this had all been ordained and planned by Him.
One of those gifts was a red cape with the FLASH symbol on it.
You might wonder why I am even bothering to mention a silly old red cape? But the thing is, our Jonah has a red cape with a FLASH symbol on it that he plays with almost every day. He uses it to be a superhero, to be a Bible character, whatever game he is imagining usually needs the cape. The cape is so important to him that I even packed it to go by my sister while he stayed there during our trip.
To see little Ben pull a red FLASH cape out of his box to pack for home was just amazing to Andrew and I. Two little boys, worlds apart but soon to be brothers, each with red capes. Andrew doesn't cry over much, but this brought tears to his eyes. It truly felt like the Lord was telling us once again that this was meant to be- this had all been ordained and planned by Him.
That night, when Ben was
at our apartment with us, was surreal.
We now weren't just spending time with a little boy named Ben, we were
with our son!
We were told by Silva that
Ben would probably eat whatever we were eating.
So our first night we thought we would take him to Hesbergers, which is
like McDonalds. This didn't work so
well. First, Ben did not understand the
concept of waiting for the food. He got
very upset when the people around us were eating and we didn't have our food
yet. Second, he didn't listen to us very
well because he doesn't know us that well yet.
And third, he didn't like any of the food, hamburger or the fries.
For sleeping arrangements,
Ben and I slept in the double bed and Andrew slept out on the sleeper sofa in
the living room. Of course, both of us
laid by Ben the first few nights as he fell asleep. Lots of self-rocking by the little guy. We tried to compensate by trying to cuddle
with him or pat his back to let him know he wasn't alone anymore.
Sleeping next to Ben that
first night felt like the first nights in the hospital when the older 3 were
each born. I remember waking up and just
looking at these precious babies, so relieved and happy and amazed they were
finally here! I had the same feeling as
I would wake up and see this sweet little boy sleeping peacefully by me- he was
safe. His orphan ordeal was OVER! Praise the Lord!
Breakfast was a time of prayer and studying God's word to prepare us for the hearing that day. Talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan.
Bakery where we had breakfast.
All ready to go to court. Nervous, excited, but at peace.
Getting ready for judge to enter courtroom. Woman between Andrew and I is our interpreter, Lina. She was very sweet but couldn't completely understand why we would want Ben.
Unbelievable moment telling Ben he is ours forever. God rescued this little boy from a lifetime in the mental institution!
Packing up Ben's possessions from his 1st 6 years.
The famous Red Cape!
Ben says goodbye to his caretakers.
Leaving the orphanage FOREVER!
Our first snack at "home"
I was so excited and anxious to give Ben a bath. I don't think orphanage bathing was up to the same standards as Lavey bathtime!
Watching Ben sleep that first night, I was just overcome with emotion. I was so relieved for him- he was safe. He would not have to spend the rest of his life in a mental institution! So thankful for the Lord's hand of protection over this precious little life.
Saturday,
7-16
We took a road trip with
Silva to the tourist town of Traku
We also visited with
Silva's friends who live by the lake in this town. They invited us (or Silva invited us J) for tea.
Very nice time.
In the afternoon, we tried
a nap with Ben, but he ended up being too wiggly.
In the evening we had a
bad case of constipations/cramps.
Probably Ben was just nervous and overwhelmed about moving out of the
orphanage and being in this strange apartment.
When you think of it, Ben has ate, slept, and used the bathroom in the
same setting for 6 years. He didn't go
to restaurants or people's houses like we do.
So to all of a sudden expect him to feel comfortable in a new bed, new
places to eat, and new bathrooms would be unrealistic of us.
We also were able to skype
with Lydia
Thankfully, Ben loved being in the stroller. This made sightseeing a lot easier. I think he actually felt safe in the stroller as he encounter places and things he had never experienced before.
Beautiful little town of Traku- such a fun day. Thank you Silva!
Sunday,
7-17
We went to the
international Lutheran church which held a service in English. A beautiful church, of course, Vilnius
At church, we met a woman
who worked at the US Embassy who had relatives in Wisconsin
Lunch went well, and Ben
took a short nap.
After naptime, we tried to
go to Geddimus Castle
What a great privilege to take Ben to church for the first time in his life!
After WW2, the Russians turned this church into a gym. All this beautiful artwork and trim was covered up. What an awesome job of restoration.
Ben got very scared on the tram ride up to this castle. Once we were up, he was very nervous and uncomfortable. It was a quick excursion!
Monday,
7-18
This was a very busy
day. We had to get Ben's passport. This office was comparable to our DMV office-
super busy and crazy!
No nap today, just laid by
me and rested.
After the rest, we had
another bathroom issue. Seems like it’s
a fear/constipation thing but also a control issue. In fact, late afternoon seems to bring
control issues: refusal to do what we say, bossing us around, and bathroom
issues.
We did have a nice supper
at home though- Ben loved chicken sausage.
This is interesting because he picked this item out himself at the
grocery store. I guess he knew what he
wanted!
After supper, we had a
very nice walk (Ben loves the stroller- seems to be a safe place for him) to
St. Anne's which we had visited last week but loved it so much. We also walked through the Uzepis
neighborhood. We met an American woman
whose family lives in Waukesha ,
WI-
Bedtime was very easy due
to no naptime.
Passport office with Reda
Fun time in the park
Just wanted to mention how nice it was to have a washer in the apartment. Made our packing so much easier because we didn't have to pack 3 weeks of outfits!
Another busy day! I went with Reda to pick up passport, make
donation to the orphanage bank account, and register Ben to officially leave Lithuania
Our donation of $450 to
orphanage is going to be put towards a special eye glass fund so that the kids
can get frames that work for special needs kiddos: flexible rubber frames like our boys
have. Very excited about this!
Then in the afternoon, we
had our embassy appointment with Silva.
The consulate at the embassy is from Wisconsin
We had two very nice walks
both in the morning and evening. I
haven't mentioned it yet, but we experienced incredible weather the entire time
we were in Vilnius
Wednesday,
7-20
US Embassy
No pictures allowed after this point.
We visited the Genocide Museum
Very sad, and complicated
history for this country. Yet this
museum also showcases the resilience of this country to survive and prosper
despite the odds.
While at the museum, we
got the call from Reda that our VISA was ready!
Yeah, we could most likely fly home tomorrow.
At this point in our trip,
I was just ready to get back to our kids.
It wasn't that I didn't enjoy this "vacation" because Vilnius
Reda delivered the VISA to
the museum. Sadly, we had to say goodbye
to Reda. What a wonderful person she is-
so helpful, so good at her job, and so dedicated to finding families for these
orphans in Lithuania
Later that afternoon, we
had to say good bye to Silva. Equally
hard to do. Again, she is an amazing
woman with such love and care for these children. She was so helpful and supportive of our
family. Can't say a big enough thank you
to her.
As a show of our gratitude
to these 2 amazing women, we left them $150 that they could use towards buying
strollers, carseats etc- whatever will help them facilitate other families that
come to adopt.
So the plan is we fly out
early tomorrow morning, Vilnius to Frankfurt . Then a
4 hour layover and then Frankfurt to Chicago
Our Lithuanian hunk!
In front of the courthouse where Friday's hearing was held. During WW2 this was the Nazi headquarters in Vilnius, and then after WW2, it was the KGB headquarters.
Genocide Museum- before WW2, Vilnius was known as "Little Jerusalem" because of the high Jewish population. After war, Jewish population almost completely wiped out. Then Lithuania had to endure under Russian rule until independence in 1991.
Saying good bye to Reda- bittersweet.
As Reda hugged Ben goodbye, she told him he was one "lucky duck"! Notice Ben reaching for his Daddy- how sweet.
Saying good bye to Silva- happy, sad...
This very talented musician played almost every evening right below our apartment window. When I was homesick, his music would add to my sadness and make me just want to get home. When I wasn't homesick, I really enjoyed his music, and it really contributed to our "European vacation" feel. Our time in Vilnius was like a vacation we never expected to have- Lithuania is a beautiful country and we are so grateful we got to explore and experience our little boy's culture and country.
Thursday,
7-21
We woke up at 4 a.m. to catch a taxi to the Vilnius
Then we had a 5 hour lay over at the Frankfurt
airport. Ben did amazing here too. We took many walks- he loved the
moving sidewalks! He tried eating a frankfurter (we had to have one when
you are at the Frankfurt airport, right?) but
did not like it. He watched lots of Rescue Heroes on my phone.
Then at 1:00, it was time to board the flight for Chicago
We landed in Chicago
And we were totally not prepared for
the international custom process with the added element of bringing a new
citizen into the country! We were brought to about 5 different areas
where different parts of our paperwork had to be processed and approved.
Fortunately, we had asked for the airline to provide us a stroller since
we knew Ben would not able to walk for a long distance after all that travel.
The airline didn't have a stroller but instead provided us with a
wheelchair and escort. Ben rode proud like a king thru all our stops-
just taking everything in. He never once lost it and had a meltdown- very
impressive. Especially considering again, the lack of sleep.
Finally, after 5 minutes in our car, he fell asleep. He woke up
briefly to meet his sisters when we came into the house but then was pretty
much down for the count until his brother Jonah woke him up in the morning.
I couldn't have been more amazed about how he handled everything. I
was very proud of that little boy. He sure knows how to roll with it!
When we pulled into our cul de sac that night,
there was a double rainbow. Not only was it beautiful, it just spoke to
our hearts about how the Lord's hand has been on this process from day one.
He fully intended Ben to be part of our family, from leading us to Ben's
picture on Reece's Rainbow, to making him our son on the same date that six
years earlier he arrived at his orphanage, and then blessing us with 2 amazing
rainbows in the sky the night we arrive home with Ben.
An amazing end to an amazing adventure! Truly a once in a lifetime experience. Thank you Lord!
Now on to the rest of life….
Welcome home cookie from Aunt Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment