WHY BEN?

I think I have discussed in prior posts why we adopted Ben.  But I don't think I ever explained why it was Ben we adopted.

January 2009

I wish I knew exactly when I became aware of Reece's Rainbow.  It was before we decided to adopt Jonah, but because of the cost and overwhelming process involved in international adoption, we opted for domestic adoption of a child with Down syndrome.

I think once we started the process of adopting Jonah, Reece's Rainbow went off my radar for a bit.  I have to believe the Lord was exerting His tremendous wisdom and timing-  our family was on the road that would lead us to Jonah.  International adoption of a child with Down syndrome was not in God's plan for our family… YET…

2010-2013
Our first 3 years with Jonah were very busy with trying to keep Jonah healthy!  Once he turned 3, he began to be much more healthy- praise the Lord!  We are so grateful for all the healing the Lord has blessed upon Jonah.

All that to say,  I don't really remember spending a lot of time on the Reece's Rainbow until sometime in the Fall of 2013 simply because I don't think I had much extra time or energy to think about anyone else except our 4 children.

However around the Fall of 2013, I remember coming upon the picture of Drake on Reece's Rainbow.  He was so cute and adorable.  I even started to think about what it would mean to adopt a little one like Drake.   I continued to check on Drake on a regular basis, praying for a family to be found and donating money towards his fund.  I even contemplated if we might be that family.  Then in November or December of 2013, Drake moved to "My Family Found Me" page on Reece's Rainbow.  We were so excited for Drake and his new family.  What an answer to prayer!  Even though I was so relieved to know that Drake was going to be adopted, a part of me wondered if our family had missed an opportunity?  God continuing to plant the seed, I believe…

Even though I believe the Lord was busy planting the seed, Satan was busy whispering doubts into ear: our plate is full enough with caring for Jonah, we would never be able to afford international adoption, my cancer could come back, and people would think we were crazy.  Talk about a spiritual warfare! 

I continued to check the Reece's Rainbow website.  Now my attention was drawn to a little boy named Simon.  I brought Simon to the attention of the entire family so we often would pray for him at the dinner table.  We donated money to his fund as I kept track of his status on Reece's Rainbow, always pondering in the back of my head if our family should try and adopt him. 

It is important to note that whenever I mentioned this crazy idea to Andrew, I knew he was not even considering a 2nd special needs adoption.  He definitely felt called to pray and help support these children, but another adoption was not on his radar.  This is important to remember so you can appreciate the extensiveness of the miracle that has happened in our family in the past few months.

Fall 2014: Can't Un-know What You Know

One day I found Simon had been moved to the "My Family Found Me" page.  Again, we were so excited and happy and relieved for this little boy and his new family.  But I remember also feeling a tug at my heart of disappointment it wasn't our family. 

God was continuing to work on my heart.  I started following the blog for Simon's new family.  This gave me insight into what might lead a family to adopt multiple children with Down syndrome and some of the blessings and challenges that come with that calling in life.  All things for my heart to ponder…

After Simon was no longer available for adoption, I was led to another little boy on Reece's Rainbow.  I truly believe the Holy Spirit was guiding and directing me towards each of these children.  How else can you explain being drawn to particular children when Reece's Rainbow is filled with so many precious children available to be adopted?   It would be very easy to think if I can't help them all, then why even get interested in any. 

Anyway, I was drawn to a little boy named Ryan.  The things that drew me to him were 1) his cuteness; 2) reading that he was abandoned at birth because of his Down syndrome; 3) his DOB was very close to Jonah's age.

I introduced my family to little Ryan, and we began to pray for him and donate some to his fund.

One way the Lord worked in our lives to bring about the adoption of Jonah was through our experiences as a foster family for Bethany Christian Services.  That is a whole other incredible story!   Well, once again, the Lord in his infinite wisdom was allowing events and circumstances to occur in my life that would push us towards deciding to adopt another child with Down syndrome.

Sometime in the early Fall of 2014, our social worker Julie organized a social for the foster mothers.  During that get together, one of the foster moms mentioned the book Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr.  The things she said about that book caught my interest so I asked to borrow the book from Bethany's library so I could read it.  What a eye-opening experience!  This book just spoke to my heart in such a powerful and deep way that as Christians we are called to care for orphans.  Sometimes that might mean financially, but quite often we as Christians use donating money as the easy option.  The author conveyed that he felt many Christian families in the United States could adopt if they were willing to step out of their comfort zone in life and sacrifice the time and money it would require to do so.  Wow!  The idea just brought me to my knees.  Was I hiding behind sending money to the funds of children on Reece's Rainbow when I could be offering them a home instead? 

I begin to pray for wisdom and discernment for whether the Lord was really calling our family to do this.  However, the biggest thing I began to pray for was that Andrew would be convicted to do this also.  In fact, I knew that he would have to be the one to initiate this for our family.  As the spiritual head of our family, a decision this big and life-impacting needed to come at his initiative.  So I knew I needed to keep my mouth shout in regards to my thoughts on adopting and instead sit back and wait and see if the Lord would move Andrew in that direction.  However I did, at the Lord's prompting, give the book Orphan Justice to Andrew to read.  It had a similar impact on him- very convicting about what our calling is to orphans.

I also continued to pray for Andrew and for him to provide direction and guidance for our family if adopting was something our family should do. 

One thing that really stuck with me during this time was something I read in one of the adoptive family blogs on Reece's Rainbow.  One mother stated in her blog that you can't un-know what you know.  That resonated with me because for whatever reason the Lord had made me aware of the need for adoptive families for the many children listed on Reece's Rainbow.  Now that I was aware, there was no going back.  I had to do something.  I just had to follow God's leading on what it was He wanted me to do for these children.

Early 2015: Deciding…

Through the reading of Johnny Carr's book, Andrew really started to think about adopting Ryan.  This was amazing to me because I really had tried to keep quiet about my desire to adopt him.  In fact, during some of our conversations during January and February 2015, I was the one with more reasons not to adopt than Andrew!  As a family, as a couple, and individually, we continued to pray for a family for Ryan.

Then in February 2015, we decided to contact Reece's Rainbow with some questions about whether we would even be eligible to adopt because of my breast cancer (I was in year 4 of the 5-year mark when one is considered cured).  

We contacted Reece's and were put in touch with Cathy from Open Door Adoptions.  She let us know that both of those issues could be problems, but if they were presented in the right away, it would probably be ok.  This would mean letters from my doctors stating I was in good health and had a good prognosis. 

As much as I felt relief from her response, I also felt nervous because this meant the ball was in our court to decide if we were really going to this rather than being told we couldn't. 

So Andrew and I continued to pray for wisdom about what we were suppose to do.

Our prayers during the months of February and March just seemed to be continually asking for guidance, wisdom and discernment about what to do about Ryan.  At times we both were frustrated because it seemed like God wasn't giving us any definite answers.

Of course, our sinful natures often blind us from what God is trying to tell us.  There were many times, not just during February and March, that God would reveal a scripture verse to us that was about adopting, or we would read a magazine article about old people adopting a special needs child J.  In fact, one day Andrew was returning a book to the library, and on his way out, he spotted a Guidepost devotional book in the Never-Ending Book sale.  He stopped to look at the devotional and the page he turned to was about adopting and putting aside our selfish needs to help another.  So I do think God was trying to give us discernment into making a decision about Ryan, but it was our selfishness that made the decision take so long to make.

Probably the biggest way God worked in us was financially.  At one point, early in the decision-making process, Andrew said that he would only consider adopting if God would provide $30,000 to us.  I jumped on that band-wagon also.  I think both of us envisioned a $30,000 check appearing in the mail, and then we would have our "ah-ah" moment that we were suppose to adopt.  So we waited many months for $30,000 to magically appear.  Then one day, Andrew sat down and looked at our finances and added up amounts available to us in our savings, investments, and through a home equity line.  He added up between $24,000 and $30,000 that we would have available.  On the information from Open Door Adoptions, they estimated a Lithuanian adoption costs between $24,000 and $30,000.  Wow, was that God-thing or what?  He had provided us with the money in our funds, and we hadn't even realized it!

Easter 2015- April 2015: Decided!

We continued to pray for God's wisdom, guidance, and discernment- yes, we still didn't get it!  Then on 3-31, Cathy from Open Door emailed us with new photos of Ryan.  These photos were adorable plus they showed us how much he had changed from the photo that was on his listing on Reece's Rainbow.  Looking at the new photos was almost like looking into Jonah's sweet face- they looked very much alike.  Cathy also asked if we would like updated records on Ryan which we said yes.  Those records revealed where his progress was at, what his likes and dislikes were, and continued to mention that no one visited him and no one was interested in him.  This really broke our hearts because to see these photos of such a precious little boy and think he did not have any family interested in him…so sad and so wrong.  The records also gave his most recent weight and height- Ryan was  the same height as Jonah and weighed one pound more.  I don't know why but that statistic just really touched my heart that these boys were meant to be brothers some day! 

Over Easter weekend, Andrew and I had a heart to heart talk and decided we wanted to adopt Ryan.  In the past, as we would discuss this decision, I did not feel at peace with saying yes- I was always very scared to the point of panicking.  Also the decision felt like it was something I should do more than wanted to do.  However that Easter Sunday, the Holy Spirit just really spoke to me in a powerful way by making saying yes seem like the most natural decision- Ryan felt like he should be in our family.  I felt a calling to be his mother.  I had a peace that I had not felt yet in all our agonizing over the decision.  While I was anxious and nervous, I was not at a panic level.  It was a very beautiful and amazing moment for Andrew and I as we came before the Lord and said, "Let's do this!" and "Let's bring Ryan HOME!"