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Friday, February 24, 2017

SPECIAL MAMA

When Ben arrived at the orphanage at 3 weeks old, he went to the newborn baby room.  There, one of his caregivers would become his "special mama".  

This woman didn't just take care of Ben, she CARED ABOUT him.  

When Ben needed his open heart surgery when he was 2 years old, she arranged for a priest to go the hospital and give Ben a blessing in order to protect and keep him safe during surgery.

Over the 6 years of Ben at the orphanage, she continually prayed for a family to come forward for Ben.

Even as Ben moved to other groups and other caregivers, she kept a special eye on this little boy.  Ben would often have the freedom to leave his group's room and go and visit his special mama in the baby room.  There she would give him special food and snacks.

The fact that Ben was able to experience this constant and continual love and care from his special mama was such a blessing for him.  It allowed him to feel like he belonged to someone and planted the seed in his heart what the love of a family would feel like.  

Ben being able to attach to his special mama over the past 6 years definitely helped him attach to us.  What we have learned through our foster care experiences is that a baby needs to attach to someone even during those first few weeks of life.  As long as there is bonding with someone, the baby will have an easier time bonding to his new adoptive parents.  So this is exactly what special mama helped Ben do.

Special mama also gave Ben the gift of a Lithuania baptism shawl that she wanted him to take to America with him.  

We are so grateful for the Lord bringing this wonderful woman into Ben's life.  Her love and care for our little boy has helped make him the wonderful child that he is today: bright, funny, loving, and sweet.  

Thank you special mama!

Special mama is the woman to the side of Ben, talking to him and trying to get him to say hi to us.



Saturday, February 11, 2017

HOW SAD

I don't know what else to say about the following article except how sad...

DOWN SYNDROME FREE WORLD



Monday, February 6, 2017

GOD WAS ALWAYS WORKING!


In the beautiful tapestry of Ben's life story, there is an incredible fellow RR mom who advocated for Ben ("Ryan" on RR") back in 2014.  

I knew about her efforts because this mom and I talked about funds she had raised for our son and because we are both part of a wonderful FB support group.  She even sent me her Angel Tree Warrior ornament for Ben because she thought it would be a precious addition to his Lifebook.

However, yesterday I was reading her blog of her family's adoption and came across 2 posts I had never noticed before.  These posts were about our Ben:

11-21-14
Let me digress for a minute to talk to you about two more sweet babes.  One is Ryan, a four year old little boy living in an orphanage in the same country as ____.  This guy seriously has the best smile ever, and would make an incredible son.  Since I'm his Angel Tree Warrior, I asked our agency about him.  They've had him listed for sometime and she let me know that no one has ever asked for more information about him.  Not once, friends.  Even asked about him.  I think my heart split into a million pieces hearing that...

5-5-15
And last, but not least, my sweet Ryan.  This is the boy with the megawatt smile we designed the tshirts for, the boy who I shared around Christmas.  This little dude is still waiting, and he will be five this summer.  Five is still such a baby!  He recently got some new specs, and I'm not sure he can be any cuter!  Ryan has a repaired heart defect, and mild asthma, and as of this spring he was already getting dressed and undressed alone, as well as eating independently.  My facilitator said he is an awesome little dude, and I wanted so badly badly to give him some love!  He gets along and nplays with the other children and is very friendly to adults.  Ryan is at a perfect age to come home- ready to get started with preschool and kindergarten and have someone finally willing to discover all he is really capable of.  Ryan is interested in anything, and he would fit well in any family.  This boy has my heart, friends.

Part of me was very sad to read that no one ever inquired about Ben at the agency.  But another part of me was amazed to see how God had always ordained Ben to be part of OUR FAMILY!  

The one post is from 11-21-14.  If you look at our adoption timeline, Fall 2014 is when God started to the plant the seed in our hearts to adopt Ben.  Her other post is from 5-5-15- we started our paperwork with Open Door on 5-6-15!

GOD WAS ALWAYS WORKING in this little boy's life:  keeping him safe through the pregnancy and birth, caring for him during 6 years at the orphanage, helping him to be a happy little boy, working in our hearts to adopt again when we thought we were done, and helping our transition to our new life together with Ben in our family.

Ben may have been an overlooked treasure by many but never by God!

Perhaps the words of Psalm 139 say it the best:

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

WHY BEN?

I think I have discussed in prior posts why we adopted Ben.  But I don't think I ever explained why it was Ben we adopted.

January 2009

I wish I knew exactly when I became aware of Reece's Rainbow.  It was before we decided to adopt Jonah, but because of the cost and overwhelming process involved in international adoption, we opted for domestic adoption of a child with Down syndrome.


I think once we started the process of adopting Jonah, Reece's Rainbow went off my radar for a bit.  I have to believe the Lord was exerting His tremendous wisdom and timing-  our family was on the road that would lead us to Jonah.  International adoption of a child with Down syndrome was not in God's plan for our family… YET…

2010-2013
Our first 3 years with Jonah were very busy with trying to keep Jonah healthy!  Once he turned 3, he began to be much more healthy- praise the Lord!  We are so grateful for all the healing the Lord has blessed upon Jonah.

All that to say,  I don't really remember spending a lot of time on the Reece's Rainbow until sometime in the Fall of 2013 simply because I don't think I had much extra time or energy to think about anyone else except our 4 children.

However around the Fall of 2013, I remember coming upon the picture of Drake on Reece's Rainbow.  He was so cute and adorable.  I even started to think about what it would mean to adopt a little one like Drake.   I continued to check on Drake on a regular basis, praying for a family to be found and donating money towards his fund.  I even contemplated if we might be that family.  Then in November or December of 2013, Drake moved to "My Family Found Me" page on Reece's Rainbow.  We were so excited for Drake and his new family.  What an answer to prayer!  Even though I was so relieved to know that Drake was going to be adopted, a part of me wondered if our family had missed an opportunity?  God continuing to plant the seed, I believe…

Even though I believe the Lord was busy planting the seed, Satan was busy whispering doubts into ear: our plate is full enough with caring for Jonah, we would never be able to afford international adoption, my cancer could come back, and people would think we were crazy.  Talk about a spiritual warfare! 

I continued to check the Reece's Rainbow website.  Now my attention was drawn to a little boy named Simon.  I brought Simon to the attention of the entire family so we often would pray for him at the dinner table.  We donated money to his fund as I kept track of his status on Reece's Rainbow, always pondering in the back of my head if our family should try and adopt him. 

It is important to note that whenever I mentioned this crazy idea to Andrew, I knew he was not even considering a 2nd special needs adoption.  He definitely felt called to pray and help support these children, but another adoption was not on his radar.  This is important to remember so you can appreciate the extensiveness of the miracle that has happened in our family in the past few months.

Fall 2014: Can't Un-know What You Know

One day I found Simon had been moved to the "My Family Found Me" page.  Again, we were so excited and happy and relieved for this little boy and his new family.  But I remember also feeling a tug at my heart of disappointment it wasn't our family. 

God was continuing to work on my heart.  I started following the blog for Simon's new family.  This gave me insight into what might lead a family to adopt multiple children with Down syndrome and some of the blessings and challenges that come with that calling in life.  All things for my heart to ponder…

After Simon was no longer available for adoption, I was led to another little boy on Reece's Rainbow.  I truly believe the Holy Spirit was guiding and directing me towards each of these children.  How else can you explain being drawn to particular children when Reece's Rainbow is filled with so many precious children available to be adopted?   It would be very easy to think if I can't help them all, then why even get interested in any. 

Anyway, I was drawn to a little boy named Ryan.  The things that drew me to him were 1) his cuteness; 2) reading that he was abandoned at birth because of his Down syndrome; 3) his DOB was very close to Jonah's age.

I introduced my family to little Ryan, and we began to pray for him and donate some to his fund.

One way the Lord worked in our lives to bring about the adoption of Jonah was through our experiences as a foster family for Bethany Christian Services.  That is a whole other incredible story!   Well, once again, the Lord in his infinite wisdom was allowing events and circumstances to occur in my life that would push us towards deciding to adopt another child with Down syndrome.

Sometime in the early Fall of 2014, our social worker Julie organized a social for the foster mothers.  During that get together, one of the foster moms mentioned the book Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr.  The things she said about that book caught my interest so I asked to borrow the book from Bethany's library so I could read it.  What a eye-opening experience!  This book just spoke to my heart in such a powerful and deep way that as Christians we are called to care for orphans.  Sometimes that might mean financially, but quite often we as Christians use donating money as the easy option.  The author conveyed that he felt many Christian families in the United States could adopt if they were willing to step out of their comfort zone in life and sacrifice the time and money it would require to do so.  Wow!  The idea just brought me to my knees.  Was I hiding behind sending money to the funds of children on Reece's Rainbow when I could be offering them a home instead? 

I begin to pray for wisdom and discernment for whether the Lord was really calling our family to do this.  However, the biggest thing I began to pray for was that Andrew would be convicted to do this also.  In fact, I knew that he would have to be the one to initiate this for our family.  As the spiritual head of our family, a decision this big and life-impacting needed to come at his initiative.  So I knew I needed to keep my mouth shout in regards to my thoughts on adopting and instead sit back and wait and see if the Lord would move Andrew in that direction.  However I did, at the Lord's prompting, give the book Orphan Justice to Andrew to read.  It had a similar impact on him- very convicting about what our calling is to orphans.

I also continued to pray for Andrew and for him to provide direction and guidance for our family if adopting was something our family should do. 

One thing that really stuck with me during this time was something I read in one of the adoptive family blogs on Reece's Rainbow.  One mother stated in her blog that you can't un-know what you know.  That resonated with me because for whatever reason the Lord had made me aware of the need for adoptive families for the many children listed on Reece's Rainbow.  Now that I was aware, there was no going back.  I had to do something.  I just had to follow God's leading on what it was He wanted me to do for these children.

Early 2015: Deciding…

Through the reading of Johnny Carr's book, Andrew really started to think about adopting Ryan.  This was amazing to me because I really had tried to keep quiet about my desire to adopt him.  In fact, during some of our conversations during January and February 2015, I was the one with more reasons not to adopt than Andrew!  As a family, as a couple, and individually, we continued to pray for a family for Ryan.

Then in February 2015, we decided to contact Reece's Rainbow with some questions about whether we would even be eligible to adopt because of my breast cancer (I was in year 4 of the 5-year mark when one is considered cured).  

We contacted Reece's and were put in touch with Cathy from Open Door Adoptions.  She let us know that both of those issues could be problems, but if they were presented in the right away, it would probably be ok.  This would mean letters from my doctors stating I was in good health and had a good prognosis. 

As much as I felt relief from her response, I also felt nervous because this meant the ball was in our court to decide if we were really going to this rather than being told we couldn't. 

So Andrew and I continued to pray for wisdom about what we were suppose to do.

Our prayers during the months of February and March just seemed to be continually asking for guidance, wisdom and discernment about what to do about Ryan.  At times we both were frustrated because it seemed like God wasn't giving us any definite answers.

Of course, our sinful natures often blind us from what God is trying to tell us.  There were many times, not just during February and March, that God would reveal a scripture verse to us that was about adopting, or we would read a magazine article about old people adopting a special needs child J.  In fact, one day Andrew was returning a book to the library, and on his way out, he spotted a Guidepost devotional book in the Never-Ending Book sale.  He stopped to look at the devotional and the page he turned to was about adopting and putting aside our selfish needs to help another.  So I do think God was trying to give us discernment into making a decision about Ryan, but it was our selfishness that made the decision take so long to make.

Probably the biggest way God worked in us was financially.  At one point, early in the decision-making process, Andrew said that he would only consider adopting if God would provide $30,000 to us.  I jumped on that band-wagon also.  I think both of us envisioned a $30,000 check appearing in the mail, and then we would have our "ah-ah" moment that we were suppose to adopt.  So we waited many months for $30,000 to magically appear.  Then one day, Andrew sat down and looked at our finances and added up amounts available to us in our savings, investments, and through a home equity line.  He added up between $24,000 and $30,000 that we would have available.  On the information from Open Door Adoptions, they estimated a Lithuanian adoption costs between $24,000 and $30,000.  Wow, was that God-thing or what?  He had provided us with the money in our funds, and we hadn't even realized it!

Easter 2015- April 2015: Decided!

We continued to pray for God's wisdom, guidance, and discernment- yes, we still didn't get it!  Then on 3-31, Cathy from Open Door emailed us with new photos of Ryan.  These photos were adorable plus they showed us how much he had changed from the photo that was on his listing on Reece's Rainbow.  Looking at the new photos was almost like looking into Jonah's sweet face- they looked very much alike.  Cathy also asked if we would like updated records on Ryan which we said yes.  Those records revealed where his progress was at, what his likes and dislikes were, and continued to mention that no one visited him and no one was interested in him.  This really broke our hearts because to see these photos of such a precious little boy and think he did not have any family interested in him…so sad and so wrong.  The records also gave his most recent weight and height- Ryan was  the same height as Jonah and weighed one pound more.  I don't know why but that statistic just really touched my heart that these boys were meant to be brothers some day! 

Over Easter weekend, Andrew and I had a heart to heart talk and decided we wanted to adopt Ryan.  In the past, as we would discuss this decision, I did not feel at peace with saying yes- I was always very scared to the point of panicking.  Also the decision felt like it was something I should do more than wanted to do.  However that Easter Sunday, the Holy Spirit just really spoke to me in a powerful way by making saying yes seem like the most natural decision- Ryan felt like he should be in our family.  I felt a calling to be his mother.  I had a peace that I had not felt yet in all our agonizing over the decision.  While I was anxious and nervous, I was not at a panic level.  It was a very beautiful and amazing moment for Andrew and I as we came before the Lord and said, "Let's do this!" and "Let's bring Ryan HOME!"

Monday, January 30, 2017

BRINGING BEN HOME: OUR TRIP TO LITHUANIA

Finally:
7-8 THRU 7-21-16

Friday, 7-8
 We left at 9 a.m. in the morning from CG.  We said good bye to the 3 older kids at home then went to drop off Jonah by Jane.  Once I got in the car heading to Chicago, I was crying quite a bit.  I was so sad about leaving the kids, I was very scared about flying, and I was very apprehensive about the adoption.  Suddenly the idea of Ben was becoming a reality.  Did we really know what we were doing?

We got to O'Hare Airport at about noon.  The Luftansa desk didn't open for check in until 12:45 so we just had to sit and wait.  Once we checked in, the security checks went very quickly.  We were able to buy some lunch and then settle in and wait until our flight left at 4.  Again, I was very apprehensive about the flights- pretty much convinced we were going to crash…  So I actually was pretty tearful the entire afternoon at the airport.

Once on board the plane, the tears really started to come.  The 2 young men seated next to us must have thought I was a basket case.  Between fits of crying and hot flashes, it was a long 8 hour flight for all of us- me, Andrew, and our seat mates!

 Luftansa check in at O'Hare
 My carry on contained underwear for Ben...funny!
Saturday, 7-9
We landed in Frankfurt and were able to check in back home using Text Now.  Very grateful for the gift of modern technology and communication during this entire trip!

The flight from Frankfurt to Vilnius was on time, and Silva was waiting for us at the baggage area.  So exciting to see her in person after all this time.

I was soooo relieved to have our flights done with, and we were safely in Vilnius!

Silva brought us to our apartment which was VERY NICE.  She wanted us to have time to shower and rest and then she would be pick us up at 4 to go to the orphanage to meet Ben for the first time!  How exciting!!!!!

 Our apartment: VERY NICE!
Our view out our apartment window


Saturday, 7-9: late afternoon-evening
Our 1st visit with Ben! 

Note, we called him Kostas for the entire first week as we visited him at the orphanage.  Once he came to live with us at the apartment on 7-15, we started to call him Benjamin Kostas more.  It wasn't until we got home to CG that we started to just use Ben or Benjamin.  It took probably about 1-2 weeks for him to get use to his new name, Ben.

Seeing Ben for the first time was just so surreal.  For years, we have only seen photos of him and some videos, and then all of a sudden he is right there before us.  He came running to us, very excited, "Mama, Dada" he yelled.  Once in a lifetime experience!

We played outside with him.  He wanted Andrew to take the broom and hit certain leaves, at his direction, with the broom.

Both of us were very amazed with how verbal and bright Ben is. 

After our visit, Silva went out to eat with us.  I was pretty much in a daze because of being awake since Friday morning- I never did sleep much on the plane rides.  I don't remember much about this evening.

I woke up at about 3 am, very homesick.  Woke up and had a time of prayer, asking the Lord to give me strength to make it through this time of being away from the 4 kids. 


Our 1st view of the orphanage
"The Leaf Game"
So nice to have Silva there to help us understand and get to know Ben.


Isn't he cute???

Sunday, 7-10
We played in the ball pit room.  Ben also wanted to move the playhouse around the room.  He used the word "Cartu" which means together. 

After we got home from the orphanage around noon, we had the rest of the day to sight see.  This was a very fun day, despite my homesickness.  We toured many churches, President's palace, park for Ben, and the hill of 3 crosses. 

Look closely: Ben is really in there!

 SO many BEAUTIFUL churches to tour!


We are not Catholic, but we think we figured this out that this is St. Anthony, Patron Saint of the Lost.  This really resonated with us as we thought about how the Lord watched over our little lost boy and found him a family after 6 years in the orphanage. 

 Hill of Three Crosses 

State Cathedral

Security Check in at the Presidential Palace: very different from the White House security


Monday, 7-11: morning
This morning's orphanage visit was with Reda.  What a character!  

Ben was running a fever.  He was not very playful or talkative.  We spent a lot of time with him just laying on the mattress and us sitting by him.  He did like when I rubbed his back and arm to help soothe him.

Reda, our incredible attorney!

Monday, 7-11: late afternoon
When we came back in the late afternoon, his temperature was normal, and he was much more playful.  We played piano together- he loved when I would sing and play "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and other nursery rhymes. 

Then we played catch for almost an hour.  He learned to say "Ball".



The baby drop box at the orphanage.  2 babies were left over the weekend.  If you haven't watched the movie "Drop Box", please do.  Very wonderful and awe-inspiring movie!

Tuesday, 7-12: morning
Ben ran a fever during the night but not in the morning.  Still, his immigration physical was postponed until Thursday. 

We played with his care package toys and blocks.  He learned to say 1-2-3 before knocking the tower over.  We also spent time looking at our family photo album. 

When we arrived, we saw Ben up at the window waving at us and motioning us to come in.  Then when we did finally get inside, he was very excited to see us- huge hugs and kisses.  He also introduced as "Mama and Dada" to his caretakers.  He has waited soooo long to be able to do this, sweet boy!


Tuesday, 7-12: late afternoon
On our way back to orphanage, we got to see the hospital where Ben was born.

At the orphanage, we played in the ball pit.  Ben got a little hyper at the end, probably because of boredom- 2 hours in the ball pit- and hunger. 

The end of our visit was hard.  He threw a ball and knocked a clock off the wall.  He immediately went and sat on chair like he was being punished.  Then he just shut down on us and wouldn't smile at us or anything.  He started sucking his thumb.  Social worker thought 2 things happening 1) fear of being yelled at hard like what happens with caregivers and 2) fear of us rejecting him because he did something wrong.  So sad, what lack of family does to a child.

Right before we left, Andrew tried one more time and Ben did give him kiss, but he still looked sad.  Hopefully he learns to keep trusting us each time we show up again.


Hospital where Ben was born and spent his 1st 3 weeks there before going to orphanage.  

Wednesday, 7-13: morning
Good visit- played in the music room.  Ben remembered "ball" and "1-2-3" on his own.

Andrew and I played alone about 30 minutes while I got to visit the baby room.  I met Sophie!  Sophie is available for adoption!

I got to spend about 30 minutes with Sophie.  When I first saw her, she was having her diaper changed.  Then Silva cuddled with her for a bit until we got back to the playroom.  Then I got to cuddle with her!

I held her over my shoulder and rocked back and forth.  She started to get very relaxed, almost like she would sleep.  Then the caregivers brought the baby cereal in and started feeding the babies 1x1.  Sophie picked up on this right away and wanted out of my arms so she could get on the floor and crawl over to be fed.

Unfortunately it wasn't her turn yet, but I was able to distract her by playing with toys on the floor with her.   Her crawling seemed to be a combo of the traditional crawl with some moving along on her tummy.  She did seem pretty steady sitting up.

I did watch her get fed.  The caregivers use a TBSP to feed the babies which seems very big to me.  The kiddos get big spoonfuls very quickly, one after the other.  I guess they need to feed fast.  Sophie seemed to have to gulp her food down, but she did seem to enjoy it.

Then I played on the floor for a bit with her again.  There was a mattress on the floor which she climbed on and off to get toys.  Her coordination seemed quite good.

She was very engaging- smiled and interacted with me.  She is soooo cute.  I could have easily "snuck" her home with us!

Besides the privilege of meeting this very special little girl, I appreciated having this time with her because it gave me some insight into what Ben's life was like when he was this age at the orphanage.  This is how he would have been diapered, fed, and played with.  I hope if anyone ever visited him in the baby room, they were excited to love on him and thought he was super cute too.



 This was quite the outfit Ben had on today!


Because we didn't know Ben's shoe size exactly, we just brought these cheap shoes from Walmart for him this week until we had Ben home to be fitted for really good shoes.  However, Ben reacted to these cheap shoes as if we had given him the most expensive shoes ever.  So sweet and humble.

Wednesday, 7-13: late afternoon
During our break from the orphanage, we met with Reda to prepare for court hearing.  Very good meeting.  I am feeling very at peace with the process.  Homesickness is getting better.  God is good!

Good visit in the late afternoon until the end.  I was trying to fix Ben's collar, and he swatted at me and possibly tried to bite me.  Then when we returned to his room, he yelled very loud at Andrew when Andrew tried to take him to the bathroom.  This does have us a bit worried about how we will be able to handle him on our own….

When I told Silva about the possible biting, she was very calm and just told me not to put shirts on him that need the collar fixed…good advice when you think about it.

Thursday, 7-14: morning
Played outside, tried out the stroller.  Then went to immigration doctor appointment.  Ben did pretty good at the appointment.



On our way to immigration physical


Thursday, 7-14: late afternoon
Spent time with all the kids in Ben's room, giving special treats and toys to the children.  We had brought toothbrushes, coloring books, crayons etc from home, and then Reda helped us shopping for special fruit and other treats etc for the kids.  The odd thing was we gave the fruit to the caregivers to cut up which they did, but then they didn't really let the kids try the fruit- unless they did it after we left the room…whatever.

This time with the group was not easy.  Ben is in a very rough and sad group of kids to be around. 
There is a lot of yelling and screaming.  It just doesn't seem like the most pleasant room to spend time in.  Many of the children suffer from FAS in a very severe form.  These kids tend to scream and not be able to self-soothe.  This group of kids also seemed like they didn't interact much socially with one another.  We saw a lot of fighting over the few toys that were available to the kids, but not a lot of fun playful interaction.  Our observation for Ben was that he was rather lonely even if he was in a group of kids. 

Of course, we also found out the past year, Ben had to move groups, and so he had some new caregivers as well as new children.  Some kids in  his old group had either been adopted or sent to the institution.  So Ben may have had more friends in his old group last year, but we believe this past year wasn't the nicest for our Ben.

This was a very guilt-ridden time for me today.  I wanted to reach out and love on the kids, but between the smell of the room and one little girl throwing up on the table and not getting cleaned up very good from that, I just couldn't.  I feel like I failed.  Visiting the orphanage for all those days in a row just starts to wear on you.  Your heart breaks for the other children while at the same time you are a bit overwhelmed trying to take in everything about the child you are about to make your own.
 Like I said, this was a hard time today.

After the "party", we went to the ballroom with Ben.  This playtime went very nicely.  We did seem to notice though that Ben seems bored with the orphanage visits and ready to move to the next phase of living with us at the apartment- just like we are ready to move on.

Funny story at the end, Ben was standing on the window sill getting ready to jump in the ball pit.  We figured this probably wasn't allowed, but we were picking are battles so that our time with Ben wasn't all about power struggles.  So we let him do this, except the caregiver busted us and Ben!  She opened the door and all she had to do was give Ben (and us) the "Look".  Ben immediately got down off the ledge, put his shoes on, and left to eat supper.   

None of the caregivers interacted with us.  But this particular caregiver did seem to be a favorite among the children.  Silva said this woman never raised her voice with the children, she just firmly guided them and kids responded to her.  I do notice now that I am home with Ben that a firm look goes a lot farther with him than raising my voice.

Tonite is Ben's last night in the orphanage, and his last night as an orphan.  I have many feelings and emotions as I think about his last night.  I am sad for the huge change Ben will have to go through leaving the only home he has ever known.  Even though his life will be better with our family,  this will be a huge adjustment for him.  I feel regret that Ben had to spend 6 years in this orphanage.  So many moments that we will never have with him.  So many moments he never got to spend with a family.  And I feel excitement for him and us that he is finally getting a family, but I also am nervous about how things will work between us and him.  Lot of emotions.  It made it even harder when Silva told us what was on the menu for Ben's last supper as an orphan:  milk soup- that's noodles with milk poured over them.  That doesn't sound very good to me, and apparently Silva knew Ben did not like this meal.  Poor little fellow.  I wished I could just take him home with us now and give him a meal fit for king.  He deserves it!


Friday, 7-15: morning
This is our court date! 

Silva visited Ben on her own this morning so that we would have the morning to prepare and get ready for court.  She said Ben was very sad and upset when we didn't come with her this morning.  I felt bad thinking he may have felt we deserted him. 

We did have a nice breakfast at an Italian bakery.  We were able to have a time of prayer and devotion.  We talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan- loving and serving others even when it means work and sacrifice of your own needs and wants.  Very encouraging time with Lord as we felt he was validating our decision to adopt Ben. 

When we got to the court house with Reda, she pointed out something she had noticed in the records as she prepared the night before:
            1. Ben arrived on the orphanage on 7-15-10 at 3 weeks old.
            2. Today, his court date and day he would leave the orphanage was 7-15-16. 
            
What an amazing act of timing on the   Lord's part!  Reda was very anxious to use this incredible "coincidence" in her presentation to the judge.

The hearing was not as nerve-wracking as I expected.  Andrew and I had prepared statements which we each shared with the court.  Then Reda,  representatives from the orphanage, and Central Authority gave their testimonies as to the status of "Kostas" and his birth family. 

Reda had warned us that the judge might appear very cold and unkind.  She said not to take it personally.  However, I was very surprised- she smiled at us and seemed very excited about this court proceeding.

When all the testimony had been given,  the judge announced that she would have her decision in ONE HOUR.  This was unheard of!  Everyone had prepared us that we would have to wait over the weekend until Monday afternoon.  Reda and the other officials looked shocked, and super surprised. 

One hour later, we received the decision from the court:  Benjamin Kostas was our son!  

This quick decision allowed Reda to start the embassy paperwork on Saturday already which might mean we could go home as early as next Thursday or Friday! 

The court hearing was very emotional, very amazing, and left me feeling very much at peace.  The Lord was working hard to bring Ben home!

After the court hearing, we left with Silva for the orphanage.  We were going to be able to bring Ben to the apartment not just as his caretakers but as his parents- he was officially our son!

Silva went and woke up Ben from his nap.  She brought him to me to cuddle.  I cried tears of joy, relief, and sadness.  The sadness was just thinking of what Ben was going to have to adjust to, even though it would be better. 

Just so emotional to realize it was FINALLY OVER for this little boy- he was safe and secure in our arms forever!  The representatives from the orphanage and Central Authority told us at the hearing that Ben would have been transferred within weeks to the mental institution if this adoption hadn't went through.  What a terrifying thought…

Watching Ben pack up his things was also very emotional: 1) that 6 years of someone life can fit inside a grocery bag is humbling 2) thinking of what if he was packing up for the mental institution instead 3) thinking of what emotions Ben was feeling, was he sad?  excited?  both?  4) so much relief that Ben is safe with us now.

An incredible gift from the Lord happened when we were packing up Ben's things at the orphanage.
The only things we had ever seen of Ben's during our visits at the orphanage were the things we had given him in our care package to him.  When it was time for him to leave the orphanage, we found out he had a few more possessions- birthday gifts that had been donated to him over the years.  

One of those gifts was a red cape with the FLASH symbol on it.  


You might wonder why I am even bothering to mention a silly old red cape?  But the thing is, our Jonah has a red cape with a FLASH symbol on it that he plays with almost every day.  He uses it to be a superhero, to be a Bible character, whatever game he is imagining usually needs the cape.  The cape is so important to him that I even packed it to go by my sister while he stayed there during our trip.


To see little Ben pull a red FLASH cape out of his box to pack for home was just amazing to Andrew and I.  Two little boys, worlds apart but soon to be brothers, each with red capes.  Andrew doesn't cry over much, but this brought tears to his eyes.  It truly felt like the Lord was telling us once again that this was meant to be- this had all been ordained and planned by Him.

That night, when Ben was at our apartment with us, was surreal.  We now weren't just spending time with a little boy named Ben, we were with our son!

We were told by Silva that Ben would probably eat whatever we were eating.  So our first night we thought we would take him to Hesbergers, which is like McDonalds.  This didn't work so well.  First, Ben did not understand the concept of waiting for the food.  He got very upset when the people around us were eating and we didn't have our food yet.  Second, he didn't listen to us very well because he doesn't know us that well yet.  And third, he didn't like any of the food, hamburger or the fries. 

For sleeping arrangements, Ben and I slept in the double bed and Andrew slept out on the sleeper sofa in the living room.  Of course, both of us laid by Ben the first few nights as he fell asleep.  Lots of self-rocking by the little guy.  We tried to compensate by trying to cuddle with him or pat his back to let him know he wasn't alone anymore.

Sleeping next to Ben that first night felt like the first nights in the hospital when the older 3 were each born.  I remember waking up and just looking at these precious babies, so relieved and happy and amazed they were finally here!  I had the same feeling as I would wake up and see this sweet little boy sleeping peacefully by me- he was safe.  His orphan ordeal was OVER!  Praise the Lord!

 Breakfast was a time of prayer and studying God's word to prepare us for the hearing that day.   Talked about the Parable of the Good Samaritan.
 Bakery where we had breakfast.
All ready to go to court.  Nervous, excited, but at peace.

 Getting ready for judge to enter courtroom.  Woman between Andrew and I is our interpreter, Lina.  She was very sweet but couldn't completely understand why we would want Ben.
Unbelievable moment telling Ben he is ours forever. God rescued this little boy from a lifetime in the mental institution!  

Packing up Ben's possessions from his 1st 6 years.

The famous Red Cape!

Ben says goodbye to his caretakers.


 Leaving the orphanage FOREVER!

Our first snack at "home"

I was so excited and anxious to give Ben a bath.  I don't think orphanage bathing was up to the same standards as Lavey bathtime!
Watching Ben sleep that first night, I was just overcome with emotion.  I was so relieved for him- he was safe.  He would not have to spend the rest of his life in a mental institution!  So thankful for the Lord's hand of protection over this precious little life.

Saturday, 7-16
We took a road trip with Silva to the tourist town of Traku.  There we visited an 11th century castle which was very neat. 

We also visited with Silva's friends who live by the lake in this town.  They invited us (or Silva invited us J) for tea.  Very nice time.

In the afternoon, we tried a nap with Ben, but he ended up being too wiggly. 

In the evening we had a bad case of constipations/cramps.  Probably Ben was just nervous and overwhelmed about moving out of the orphanage and being in this strange apartment.  When you think of it, Ben has ate, slept, and used the bathroom in the same setting for 6 years.  He didn't go to restaurants or people's houses like we do.  So to all of a sudden expect him to feel comfortable in a new bed, new places to eat, and new bathrooms would be unrealistic of us. 

We also were able to skype with Lydia, Stephen and Jonah- first time they got to meet Ben!
Thankfully, Ben loved being in the stroller.  This made sightseeing a lot easier.  I think he actually felt safe in the stroller as he encounter places and things he had never experienced before.

Beautiful little town of Traku- such a fun day.  Thank you Silva!



Sunday, 7-17
We went to the international Lutheran church which held a service in English.  A beautiful church, of course, Vilnius has soooo many beautiful churches.  This was also a very special time- the Lord showed me I can be "at home" anywhere when we are in the body of Christ.  Ben was very well behaved in church- we used treats to help him sit nicely.  He also was very pleasant and friendly to people in the church who came to greet us hello. 

At church, we met a woman who worked at the US Embassy who had relatives in Wisconsin.

Lunch went well, and Ben took a short nap.

After naptime, we tried to go to Geddimus Castle by the elevator up.  Ben was very scared of the elevator, and then acted very mad at us when we were at the top trying to look around.  This carried through to later when we brought him to the great playground- he didn't want to play.  He also wouldn't eat supper and had a very bad bathroom incident at the restaurant.  Not the Hallmark moments you dream of after getting your little boy…
What a great privilege to take Ben to church for the first time in his life!

After WW2, the Russians turned this church into a gym.  All this beautiful artwork and trim was covered up.  What an awesome job of restoration.



Ben got very scared on the tram ride up to this castle.  Once we were up, he was very nervous and uncomfortable.  It was a quick excursion!

Monday, 7-18
This was a very busy day.  We had to get Ben's passport.  This office was comparable to our DMV office- super busy and crazy! 

No nap today, just laid by me and rested. 

After the rest, we had another bathroom issue.  Seems like it’s a fear/constipation thing but also a control issue.  In fact, late afternoon seems to bring control issues: refusal to do what we say, bossing us around, and bathroom issues.

We did have a nice supper at home though- Ben loved chicken sausage.  This is interesting because he picked this item out himself at the grocery store.  I guess he knew what he wanted! 

After supper, we had a very nice walk (Ben loves the stroller- seems to be a safe place for him) to St. Anne's which we had visited last week but loved it so much.  We also walked through the Uzepis neighborhood.  We met an American woman whose family lives in Waukesha, WI- small world. 

Bedtime was very easy due to no naptime.
Passport office with Reda

Fun time in the park



Just wanted to mention how nice it was to have a washer in the apartment.  Made our packing so much easier because we didn't have to pack 3 weeks of outfits!

Tuesday, 7-19
Another busy day!  I went with Reda to pick up passport, make donation to the orphanage bank account, and register Ben to officially leave Lithuania

Our donation of $450 to orphanage is going to be put towards a special eye glass fund so that the kids can get frames that work for special needs kiddos:  flexible rubber frames like our boys have.  Very excited about this!

Then in the afternoon, we had our embassy appointment with Silva.   The consulate at the embassy is from Wisconsin!  What a small world when you think of it.  The appointment went fine.  Everyone at the embassy seemed very excited and happy for us and Ben and seemed to want to get his VISA ready for us as quick as possible.  We are hoping to be able to pick up the VISA tomorrow which means we could fly out on Thursday!

We had two very nice walks both in the morning and evening.  I haven't mentioned it yet, but we experienced incredible weather the entire time we were in Vilnius.  Temperatures in the 70's and hardly any rain.
US Embassy

No pictures allowed after this point.

Wednesday, 7-20
We visited the Genocide Museum today- very informative and moving.  This museum documented the loss of life due to the Nazi invasion as well as the Russian takeover after WW2.  In a mistaken assumption, many Lithuanians thought the Nazis would actually save them from the Russians.  Little did the know the Nazis would almost wipe out the Jewish population entirely. 

Very sad, and complicated history for this country.  Yet this museum also showcases the resilience of this country to survive and prosper despite the odds. 

While at the museum, we got the call from Reda that our VISA was ready!  Yeah, we could most likely fly home tomorrow. 

At this point in our trip, I was just ready to get back to our kids.  It wasn't that I didn't enjoy this "vacation" because Vilnius is a beautiful and exciting city to explore.  But I was at the point where I was done sightseeing, done living an unrealistic  life in the apartment with Ben, and ready to get him and us back to our real life at home.  Time to start being a family of 7!

Reda delivered the VISA to the museum.  Sadly, we had to say goodbye to Reda.  What a wonderful person she is- so helpful, so good at her job, and so dedicated to finding families for these orphans in Lithuania.  God bless Reda.  We love you!  Thank you for all you have done for our family.

Later that afternoon, we had to say good bye to Silva.  Equally hard to do.  Again, she is an amazing woman with such love and care for these children.  She was so helpful and supportive of our family.  Can't say a big enough thank you to her.

As a show of our gratitude to these 2 amazing women, we left them $150 that they could use towards buying strollers, carseats etc- whatever will help them facilitate other families that come to adopt. 

So the plan is we fly out early tomorrow morning, Vilnius to Frankfurt.  Then a 4 hour layover and then Frankfurt to Chicago.  If all goes on schedule, we should be home in Cedar Grove by 8 p.m. tomorrow night  (Wisconsin time, middle of the night, Lithuanian time).
 Our Lithuanian hunk!
 In front of the courthouse where Friday's hearing was held.  During WW2 this was the Nazi headquarters in Vilnius, and then after WW2, it was the KGB headquarters.


Genocide Museum- before WW2, Vilnius was known as "Little Jerusalem" because of the high Jewish population.  After war, Jewish population almost completely wiped out.  Then Lithuania had to endure under Russian rule until independence in 1991.
   
Saying good bye to Reda- bittersweet.
As Reda hugged Ben goodbye, she told him he was one "lucky duck"!  Notice Ben reaching for his Daddy- how sweet.
Saying good bye to Silva- happy, sad...


This very talented musician played almost every evening right below our apartment window.  When I was homesick, his music would add to my sadness and make me just want to get home.  When I wasn't homesick, I really enjoyed his music, and it really contributed to our "European vacation" feel.  Our time in Vilnius was like a vacation we never expected to have- Lithuania is a beautiful country and we are so grateful we got to explore and experience our little boy's culture and country.  

Thursday, 7-21
 We woke up at 4 a.m. to catch a taxi to the Vilnius airport.  When we boarded the 1st plane, Ben kept gagging.  After a while we firmly told him "nah" and then he was fine.  From then on, Ben was an amazing traveler!

Then we had a 5 hour lay over at the Frankfurt airport.  Ben did amazing here too.  We took many walks- he loved the moving sidewalks!  He tried eating a frankfurter (we had to have one when you are at the Frankfurt airport, right?) but did not like it.  He watched lots of Rescue Heroes on my phone. 

Then at 1:00, it was time to board the flight for Chicago.  The unfortunate thing here was that because we had to switch our return tickets at the last minute, we could not get 3 seats together.  So Andrew and Ben got to sit in Economy Plus which meant more room and quieter.  Poor mom was all alone in Economy at the very back of the plane.  Of course, Andrew had to care for Ben for a 8 hour flight so I think he deserved the extra leg room and quiet.  Ben did very good on this flight even though he only slept about 15 minutes for the entire trip.  Andrew said he watched movies or just sat and looked around.  What a trooper!  

We landed in Chicago at 3:30 central time, but to us it felt like 9 p.m. which meant we had now been awake for about 16 hours with only a few snoozes here and there.  

And we were totally not prepared for the international custom process with the added element of bringing a new citizen into the country!   We were brought to about 5 different areas where different parts of our paperwork had to be processed and approved.  Fortunately, we had asked for the airline to provide us a stroller since we knew Ben would not able to walk for a long distance after all that travel.  The airline didn't have a stroller but instead provided us with a wheelchair and escort.  Ben rode proud like a king thru all our stops- just taking everything in.  He never once lost it and had a meltdown- very impressive.  Especially considering again, the lack of sleep.   

Finally, after 5 minutes in our car, he fell asleep.  He woke up briefly to meet his sisters when we came into the house but then was pretty much down for the count until his brother Jonah woke him up in the morning.  I couldn't have been more amazed about how he handled everything.  I was very proud of that little boy.  He sure knows how to roll with it!

When we pulled into our cul de sac that night, there was a double rainbow.  Not only was it beautiful, it just spoke to our hearts about how the Lord's hand has been on this process from day one.  He fully intended Ben to be part of our family, from leading us to Ben's picture on Reece's Rainbow, to making him our son on the same date that six years earlier he arrived at his orphanage, and then blessing us with 2 amazing rainbows in the sky the night we arrive home with Ben.

An amazing end to an amazing adventure!  Truly a once in a lifetime experience.  Thank you Lord!

Now on to the rest of life….






Welcome home cookie from Aunt Jane